Author: Bec

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Side Effects of the Spiritual Awakening Process

About a year ago, when I was right in the thick of my spiritual awakening, I was experiencing a plethora of physical and mental symptoms that made me feel absolutely miserable. I was desperate to figure out what in the world was going with me on. So, I went to the doctor for a full physical and asked them to run every blood test they could. The results came back perfectly normal. I was healthy. Could of fooled me!

I had no spiritual mentor by my side to inform me my symptoms were CAUSED by my awakening. I had to figure that out on my own. So, I’m writing this post to help anyone else who may be also going through this. Know that the negative facets of these symptoms have since faded away, so there is a light (literally!) at the end of the tunnel.

A common misconception is that enlightenment lifts us out of the drudgery of our life into a blissful state. It’s also believed enlightenment is something reserved for the elite, the zen masters, and those living in monasteries. But enlightenment awaits all of us, possibly in this lifetime. It is nothing but the realization of a truth that already belongs to you—you only need to chose to see it.

Spiritual awakenings are an unmaking. They are thorough and nothing is spared scrutiny or transformation. Our concept of self, on all levels, is dismantled and destroyed piece by piece. Every attachment we have, both subtle and profound—all labels, anything we have decided we are—crumbles away. What’s left is pure truth and oneness. It’s incredibly difficult to even put words to what is left behind after this process, but it is freeing in every possible way. Enlightenment leaves us lighter, clearer, and aware on a high level.

But we’re not hermetic monks living isolated in caves. Life goes on.

When we go through this process, there are side effects. This is not widely known or talked about outside the circle of hardcore devotees in the spiritual/mystical community. I certainly had no idea what I was getting into once I’d begun to go down this path.

Adyashanti talks in detail about this in his book, The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment, which I highly recommend. Awakening—especially an abiding awakening—removes all of the blocks we’ve been carrying around with us which have been crushing our spirit. Maintaining all of our attachments, beliefs, and the heavy concept of Self costs us a huge amount of energy. When these are finally released, it unleashes a massive tidal wave of energy in our systems. This influx of freed energy effects everything—our physical bodies, the way we think, the way we feel, the way we see the world, and how we participate in it. These are permanent shifts as our being is literally remade from the energetic level upwards. Getting through it requires courage and endurance. It’s a big deal!

In comparing who I was before this process, a few years ago, to now—I’m a completely different person, in the sense that the “person” I was no longer is. The “I” has been dissolved, leaving behind only being. I could never have predicted what I’d be going through. As Adyashanti tells us, awakening is gritty, intense, and not for the faint of heart. It’s the definition of unsettling, as every aspect of who we are is reshaped. He says this process took 4-5 years for him. It’s been a few years for me as well, but the length of time is different for everyone. For some it happens all at once, instantly, but this is rare.

Listed below are specific side effects Adyashanti describes, as well as a few other side effects I’ve seen included in several lists of symptoms for spiritual awakenings. I’m only going to talk about the major ones I’ve personally experienced and can attest to, but know that some lists expand to include up to 40 different possible symptoms! 

Insomnia, Restlessness & Heart Palpitations

It’s very common for those going through the awakening process to have insomnia because of all the powerful energy that is suddenly released through us. It charges us up and pushes “tiredness” farther from our grasp. The biggest problem with insomnia caused by awakening is how frequently in our culture we’re told we need at least 8 hours of sleep in order to escape dangerous consequences. When we’re only sleeping 3-4 hours max a night for months, we start to panic, doubt, and cause ourselves unneeded harm. We lay in bed thinking “I won’t be able to function tomorrow. It’s going to be awful.” This thought gains strength as we convince ourselves of it, so it becomes reality. That doesn’t mean it’s true. It will not be true unless you accept it as true.

Instead, believe your body knows the amount of rest it needs. If you don’t sleep, that’s because your body doesn’t need the rest at that moment. Trust it. Keep going, believe in your strength, and have faith in the Source energy making up all of our beings to get you through this.

I had severe insomnia for months at the beginning of my awakening. Some nights I didn’t sleep at all. I’d go two or three days on three hours sleep. When I let go of my fear and surrendered to what I was experiencing, I realized I was fine. I kept functioning without much sleep. And then, sleep came back. Now, my sleep is heavy, deep, and full of wild, vivid dreams (but that’s a whole other story).

Along with the inability to feel tired in “normal” ways, on a set schedule, you may also be twitchy or restless, with your limbs sometimes having a mind of their own. A leg will kick out or your arm will rise. Your heart may pound in your chest. This is caused by the awakening energy moving through you. Like everything else, once you’ve gotten adjusted to your new being, it’ll ease. Breathing exercises and meditation may help in the moment.

Rewiring of the Mind

Eckhart Tolle has said when he was going through his awakening, there were several years where it was a struggle to use his mind to do work. Adyashanti explains his mind felt like an old fashioned telephone switchboard, removing one plug and manually switching it to another slot. During my experience, my mind slowed way, way down. For instance, as an author, it became a massive struggle to type correctly. I’d misspell words constantly (even my own name), the connection between brain and fingers not at all reliable. I’d intend to speak something and getting it out that way was not easy. In general, there was a mental sluggishness I couldn’t escape. 

This happens during awakening because our minds completely reorganize the way they function and process everything. The way we receive information, digest it, and react to it changes entirely. Like the energy wave, there is no resisting this. You just have to ride it out. I can tell you the way my mind works now is clearer, sharper, with more focus and much less noise.

Adyashanti explains humans tend to have 10% of their thoughts consist of functional thought. The other 90% is made up of stories we tell ourselves about what we think is happening, fantasies, mental rehearsals we indulge in, and “thinking about thinking”. This 90% has mostly to do with things that have already happened or we think are going to happen. After awakening, Adyashanti’s experience (and mine) is functional thought becomes the majority. But an almost bigger change is the amount of mental quiet. There’s a brand new experience of mental stillness, with hardly any thought at all, and just observation of the now. It’s profoundly peaceful and transformative. 

Memory Loss

This is a complicated one for me, because I already had severe memory loss due to CPTSD caused by prolonged childhood abuse. Most of my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood were inaccessible to me. During awakening, I lost even more. The shift magnified the importance of the current moment, and everything that’s happened before is now released more easily.

I’ve just accepted that my memory is always going to be poor. Planning is still sharp, it’s the recollection of the past that gets me, because honestly I don’t really care to recollect it. My thoughts don’t dwell in the past. I write things down in journals to keep track of moments I want to preserve, keep a clear schedule, and don’t worry when someone asks for details of a past event that have softened in my mind. As the past stretches out behind me, I still know what happened, it’s the details and specifics that can sometimes escape me. And that’s okay. This is another common awakening effect that Adyashanti tells us he’s seen quite often during his spiritual teachings.

Ringing Sounds

My right ear’s ringing right now as I write this! There’s debate about what causes it, but it’s one of the top symptoms of awakening on many lists. It’s not a ringing in the ears like tinnitus as much as a hearing of a ringing sound or tones. It comes and goes. For me, this has been increasing rapidly as a frequent daily occurrence. It used to just happen during meditation or rest, but now it happens whenever, wherever. The ringing can be different tones, different ears, and different volumes.

Some theories on what this is: a sign of ascension as we become more sensitive to high frequencies; the noise of creation as our world shifts to a higher vibration; higher beings, guides, and angels communicating directly with us; downloads of energy from Source to aid in the progress of our awakening; an expansion of our ability to detect the energy frequencies of other beings around us; encouragement of our progress (ringing by the right ear) or a warning (ringing by the left ear).

Vertigo

Oh boy. I experienced vertigo that came and went for months with differing severity. Some days I was vomiting and unable to move from the intensity of it. Other days it was just a vague light-headedness. It never occurred to me that this was part of awakening until I did research on the ringing sounds and found this listed as a common symptom.

It ties into the flux of energy in our systems as we regulate and adjust to it. Since awakening is an intensifying of becoming the observer of reality, a pulling back to recalibrate what we understand existence is, I think of vertigo as the camera man having a moment of unsteadiness before re-securing his grip.  

Aches & Exhaustion

The flux of new energy of our awakening causes highs and lows. Some days you will feel over-energized, others you’ll be completely exhausted. You may even feel achy like you’re getting sick. This is your body adjusting. Just rest and give yourself time.

How to Cope

For each one of these symptoms, I can promise you our resistance to and fear of them only prolongs them. Once we surrender to our reality and what we feel, we begin to incorporate the changes into our being. The blocks dissolve and we’re left with the new truth of who we are. So, relax. Open yourself to whatever you’re experiencing. Let it be. Know you’ll be okay. And then, you will. You’ll settle into it and the struggle of transition will end.

Following this dismantling part of the process, new wonders await you. Awakening itself prompts us to become healthier by eating better, exercising regularly, and engaging in rigorous self-care. Beyond this, other things might begin to develop. An example is healing abilities. Some of the awakened can heal others just by being near them. In my experience, I’ve been able to heal myself in a number of specific ways. For instance, my eye sight has recently improved and I completely stopped grinding my teeth at night. I also don’t get sick unless it’s clear my body is trying to force me to rest more.

This process awaits each of us eventually. It’s at the core of our being, and the only way forward as we transform with love and truth. Growth can be challenging, even painful, but once you get to your destination, you’ll see exactly why it was all worthwhile.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Doing versus Being

Our culture and society is not set up in a way that encourages a healthy, happy existence. Everything around us boasts the importance of Doing. Our actions, the ways we fill our days, the efforts we make, the manner in which we pursue pleasure and relaxation—it all stems from things outside of ourselves. We’re told to think our value, our joy, our rest, our worth, can only come from what we Do.

This is not true!

Seeing the truth requires a major shift in perspective. We need to relearn how we approach everything from the moment we wake in the morning, to when we go back to sleep at night.

The key is accepting our value is already established and cannot diminish. It comes from our Soul, our eternal Being. Circumstances are temporary and do not change who we are. Nothing you Do outside yourself adds any value to who you are. If anything, it distracts from it. Looking without instead of within traps us into a pattern of thinking we aren’t already good enough, which isn’t true. Anything you could ever need is inside you right now. You don’t need anyone or anything to access it. Just love and patience.

We’re used to chasing pleasure outside ourselves, too. The things we plan on weekends, evenings, and holidays involve travel, socializing, spending money, or pursing experiences. These all have their place and entertainment value, but too often we believe deep within ourselves that these things should fill a void inside. We think the “perfect” vacation, the “perfect” date, the “perfect” party will finally, finally, be that thing we’ve been missing that will finally make us happy and fulfilled. When they don’t do that, we feel we’re not good enough, didn’t try hard enough, and are privately bitterly disappointed, even if we had “a good time”.

How often have you looked forward to plans, building up in your mind how they’d be the thing you need to turn your whole world around and make it all worthwhile? Only to be frustrated with the reality?

There’s a reason for this. It’s simple. We need to appreciate our Being instead of our Doing.

Being is constant. It’s there day and night for the entire length of your life on this planet. No matter what’s happening around you, whether you’re sitting in a traffic jam or sitting on a beach on a beautiful day, you can find comfort, love, wholeness, and much more just by loving yourself and appreciating the gift of being alive, of being in the now.

Being who you are is enough. It’s the way to experiencing peace and joy as your normal daily condition, no matter what’s in your bank account or on your schedule. Being is our connection to the Source of all creation. It links us with all of existence. It’s our Divinity.

Clear away the noise and fear. Untangle the knots dragging you down and creating stress. Release all notions of what you should be Doing. Only Do things you want to Do, not because you feel you should.

Life is like a river. It flows naturally. We’re not the ones in charge of the currents. We’re just floating along riding it out. That’s the way to an easy, pleasant trip—float! Don’t swim against the currents. Don’t create resistance to what Is. Acceptance and surrender to the flow means everything will take care of itself. You won’t need to Do anything! Doing becomes unnecessary when you are able to Be.

I know it may sound hard to believe. I know you’ve been taught to think life doesn’t work that way, that we need to break our backs working under the rules of society in order to survive. But those expectations were set by other people who feed off of our struggles to satisfy their own greed for money and power. They’re lying to you. Money, status, appearances—they don’t matter. They’re the trap. They’re what’s making you miserable, because the endless, frantic chase for them distracts you from Being.

They can’t charge you for Being, so they don’t want you to think you could be happy right now without paying them money for the privilege.

They don’t want you to know your value isn’t up for debate, that you’re already perfect just the way you are because you’re a spark of Divinity itself. They’d rather you fear aging, and obsess over body image, and fashion, and skin care, and all the rest of it, because our fear and misery makes them a lot of money!

You don’t need to go anywhere or buy tickets to a restful day. You can be right where you are, and meditate, or go for a walk, or play music and dance, and Be. Taking care of your Being is true rest. It’s free.

If this all sounds ridiculous, and too good to be true, I invite you to test it out. Let go of all preconceived ideas about Doing. Stop doing anything, other than what you want. If there’s something you’d secretly like to do for yourself, even if it’s just to lay in bed all day and not talk to anyone, even over the phone or internet, do that. Your instincts will always guide you toward what you need most to rebalance yourself.

Stop thinking about tomorrow or worrying about yesterday. Just be here now. Today. In this moment. Breathe the air. Feel the energy pulsing through your body. Do some stretches. Listen to the sounds around you. Look for something beautiful to appreciate. Ground yourself in the moment. What it gives you will be more subtle and quiet than what you’re used to, but its gifts are everlasting and endless.

Once you start practicing this, anything can be a pleasure! Washing the dishes and feeling the warm, bubbly water on your hands. Sitting in a waiting room to rest your feet and catch your breath, clear your mind. Seeing people you care about and appreciating the connection you have, and the ways you learn from each other every day. There are blessings all around us. Pay attention to them!

We are all we have. Sometimes the idea of that is used to scare, but no one can ever take you away from yourself. The love you can give yourself well outmatches what anyone else can ever give you. Use that. Be kinder to yourself. Stop doing so much, and just be who you are. Because you’re beautiful, from the inside out.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Letting Go of ‘Should’

We all make up rules for ourselves, whether we’re conscious of doing it or not. In the privacy of our minds, we decide on what we ‘should’ do, and what we ‘shouldn’t’. We tend to flood with worry or guilt when we do something we’ve privately agreed we shouldn’t do, but not give a second though to the behaviors we think we should.

Being raised in an abusive household, my childhood was filled with shoulds that stuck with me well into adulthood. There was a little voice in my head scolding me when I felt too confidently about my decisions. It made me second-guess everything from big choices to the most basic reflexes. This voice warned I wasn’t doing enough for others, that I should put my own interests last, always. When I did do something for myself, it meant I was failing someone else, some other responsibility.

You don’t have to have come from an abusive childhood to have developed similar reflexes. Some of the people I love most in the world punish themselves almost constantly with shoulds. Almost all of my husband’s free time is eaten up by errands and chores he’s assigned himself and decided he should take care of sooner than later. I see family members constantly putting themselves last, to the extent their needs are never met and exhaustion always looms. I see friends succumbing to pointless trends, constructing their lives around what social media, or fashion, or the people around them think they should be doing, or what they should look like, or what they should be interested in.

Those of us who fall prey to should have good, open hearts. We want to do our best. We want to be good people, and be there for others. There’s nothing in modern society that reminds us to question our impulses to sacrifice self, endlessly.

So, I’m asking you to question it.

Where are do your shoulds come from? Are they even valid? Who will actually care if you ignore them? What consequences will there be?

I had to train myself, through hard inner work, to destroy the voice in my head trying to keep me small and behaving as a doormat. I recognized it as the echo of my abuser and taught myself to view it with only disgust until it no longer had any power over me.

Ask yourself, why are you putting yourself last? Doesn’t your opinion count as much as that of others around you?

Why do you keep giving and giving without stopping to wonder why, and when the giving will end?

Why are you giving others so much power over your happiness?

Identify your shoulds. Seek them out. Dig to discover where they came from. Give yourself permission to let them go.

Maybe nothing bad will happen if you put your desires first. Happiness is a choice. If you choose your happiness, and pursue actions instinctively, because you want to and not because you should, you can transform your whole life.

You have the power to release the blocks standing in the way of peace and joy. No one is making you hurt yourself like this. No one can stop you from trying a different choice to see if that makes things better or worse.

We all get stuck in patterns, walking the same circles over and over again. Suffering teaches us these patterns are hurting rather than helping. If you suffer, seek out the reasons why. Save yourself from suffering by unlearning as much as you can.

Every day gives us a fresh start. You can make different choices today than you did yesterday, for no good reason other than you want to. What rules have you been living by, that you can let go? Find one—just one—and release it. Untie the knot and see how you feel.

I find new assumptions and shoulds all the time. For instance, just this week I realized I thought I should finish something I start to write. Why? Where did that should come from? Will the world end if I don’t finish something I don’t want to finish? No!

When I spot that kind of should now, I grow excited to have revealed it and can’t wait to smash it to dust. Trust me that it feels incredible to make your life easier!

Stop setting rules for yourself. Let life guide you instead. Let it flow naturally and just take the ride. Do what you have the desire and opportunity to do, with your whole heart, and release the rest. Follow joy, avoid suffering. Your choice to suffer helps no one.

Suffering is not expected of you, by gender roles, or labels, or anyones expectations. Why would you let anyone expect your suffering? Why do you think you owe it to them?

There is not a single thing women should do just because they’re women. Men should not be expected to behave certain ways because they are men. Hardworking people should not fill all their spare time catering to the whims of others, or lists of self-imposed chores, or enabling the lazy or the cruel, just because they think the world will fall apart if they don’t.

It won’t fall apart. You’re just hurting yourself for no good reason.

Enjoy life. Transform it into something freer and kinder.

There are no rules here. Pursue what you love. The rest will take care of itself.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Importance of Silence

We live in a world that loves to hear itself talk. Constantly surrounded by noisy electronics, screens, music, news, advertising, podcasts, and oh so many people, the only way to enjoy some peace and quiet anymore is to actively seek it. What’s our motivation to do that? Silence is boring, isn’t it? For many, relaxation means tuning out inner “noise” with outer entertainment and diversion.

Find out who you are

I’m an introvert. My husband and both children are introverts. Our home is quieter than most. We all have our different sanctuaries corners within it where we regularly retreat, but we’ve also learned how to be comfortably quiet together, and to respect each other’s needs to interact or not. Even still, every single day I carve out time to be alone and away from everything except nature. I need it as much as I need food or air. So, I’m clearly biased, but I hope you’ll humor me for a little longer.

Silence is the gateway to listening, which results in understanding. I’m sure we all know people who speak only to hear the sound of their own voice. The moment anyone else replies to them, their eyes glaze over, impatiently awaiting their next chance to speak, the gears in their head turning as new words sit on the tip of their tongue, not listening to anything being said. But it’s not just the mindless talkers. We all fill the space around us with noise and activity. It’s part of our culture and the age we live in. We’re always busy, always surrounded by others, always trying to get just a few minutes to ourselves to zone out by… what? Watching TV, or Netflix, or playing on our phones, maybe.

The only way we’ll ever get to know who we are is by spending quiet time with ourselves. That’s why we’re here! That’s the purpose of our lives! To grow in understanding of who we are in the privacy of our own selves, to tap into the mystery of our soul and, by doing so, find peace.

How will you ever know what will actually bring you joy unless you search quietly within yourself for the answer? How do you even go out in the world every day and expect to find what you’re looking for there if there’s no real inner understanding of self? Why do you think salvation is out there waiting for you in the first place (hint: we’re conditioned to think so). ALL of the answers to the questions you’re too afraid to ask are waiting for you right now inside your soul and your inner connection to all of existence and divinity itself.

Divinity waits in silence

The way to peace is silence. The way to joy is silence. The way to truth and understanding is silence. The way to cut through and block negativity is silence.

Your spirit and the energetic force of creation will communicate with you if you allow it, but ONLY if you allow it and listen for it. The voice of god comes through silence. It’s soft and gentle. It’s so easy to miss. But. BUT: if you allow it to have a voice in your stillness, it will continue and intensify its communication with you. The answers will flow more freely. The key lessons you incarnated in this life at this time to learn will reveal themselves to you more quickly and painlessly. You will achieve more than you’ve ever dreamed possible!

This life is not about any external thing. It’s not about any other person, or place, or job, or achievement, or possession. It’s about YOU. It’s about you finding out who you are. It’s about you figuring out what needs healing inside your spirit and DOING that hard work so you will never have to do it again and can evolve as a spiritual being. The soul work we do on Earth is the only permanent change we can affect.

Period.

Once you heal yourself in some specific way, that progress is permanent. You’ll never have to relearn that lesson, ever, in any life. Once you identity the cycles you’re stuck in and break them, you are free of them forever! Think of it! Think of how wonderful it is to get to do for yourself exactly what you need to find eternal, profound peace. You don’t need any religion, or book, or guru, or meditation practice, or anything else. All you need is silence. 

It creates space. It allows room for the inner voice of your deepest self to speak up.

Be aware – ego fights back

I know this scares a lot of people. I have friends who have orchestrated their entire lives so that they are never, ever left alone with their thoughts. But what I’m urging here is not to get lost in thought. You are not your thoughts. Thought is the voice of ego. It’s full of cruel judgments and causes more suffering than anything else. The real you is the calm inner observer of thought. Silence waits for you once you let thought go. When you meditate, focus on the in and out motion of breath, on the feel of your body where it touches the ground or your chair, on the sound of birds in the trees nearby, or when you journal and turn inward.

The voice telling you silence is boring is ego and fear, afraid of losing their grip on you. Ego wants you to need media’s endless entertainment so you will remain a mindless drone who identifies with illusory external things for identity instead of discovering the only real truth waiting for you within your eternal soul.

Silence is freedom. It’s the way to find true peace right now, in this crazy, messed up world where Trump is president and the way to really start to enjoy your life every single day, no matter what’s going on around you.

When toxic people try to get a rise out of me, my go-to response is silence. The space it creates allows time and opportunity to consider a balanced, kind, appropriate reply before, or if, answering. There can be no argument or disagreement if only one person is participating. Silence prohibits the proliferation of more negativity and emotional imbalance. Own your space. Use it to create a cushion of comfort around you. This space is how healthy boundaries are made and enforced. No one can take your emotional energy from you if you don’t want them to have it. You don’t owe anyone anything. Your silence can be the gift that helps them correct their trajectory and find a healthier path.

Connection in stillness

Do you think you’re alone in life? It’s a common misconception. Do you believe you have to go through life fighting for yourself and your ego-identity? The “you” that’s made up of things like labels, and what your body looks like, and what you do to fill the days?

You’re not alone in life, ever. We are all connected and being constantly guided by forces you will not hear or feel until you get quiet and allow them space to come through. You’re bigger than this one life. You’re magnificent. Allow yourself to be magnificent!

You’re not here to somehow fix the world. Any instinct telling you that is ego. Every soul on Earth has their own journey and path to walk. Honor the paths of others and don’t cast judgment on them. Show compassion, but refrain from all judgment, as hard as that can be. None of it matters.

The ONLY thing that matters is you discovering your true self and learning how to connect with that. Your peace will transform not only your life but the lives of everyone you come in contact with. You will become the example they follow. We must help each other reconnect with creation and with each other. That’s how we transform this whole thing. That’s the answer. 

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Release the Pain of Performing Perfection

I was raised to believe that the only way to hope I’d someday be worthy of kindness or love was to constantly strive for perfection. This translated into me always working myself to death just to try attain value, attempting to earn love from people who weren’t capable of loving me in the first place. I was raised in a family where the women especially were expected to perform perfection. You can see the effect of this rippling out through the generations, as the toxic cycle churns onward until more of us wake up and realize we don’t have anything to prove. Because we’re created exactly as intended and we’re amazing just the way we are.

I am not perfect. I have tremors, a crooked spine from two fused vertebrae in my neck, my vision is bad, my teeth are crooked, I can barely breathe through my nose, I have warts and moles and gray hair, I don’t like make-up or jewelry or ‘girly’ clothes, my body is ‘incorrectly’ curvy, I have C-PTSD, and because of several factors including the fact that I’m just plain old weird, I have trouble making meaningful connections with others.

But I also have two teenage kids and I believe my example of imperfection is already helping to produce consequences in them, such as: they embrace their weirdness; they don’t worry about their body size or shape, my daughter mostly rejects makeup and jewelry, they don’t stress about fashion, they don’t feel the need to prove their worth through how many friends they have, they love their glasses, etc. They’re also not like me at all in so many ways, and I cherish each one of them, because those are the ways their authentic selves are shining through.

Perfection in itself is a faulty concept. There is no such thing. One person’s definition of what it is will always be different from another’s. We as humans are not designed for perfection. We’re born with inherent flaws. We age, fail, and die. There is nothing wrong with that. The differences between us, and the challenges brought by the circumstances in which we exist, are what make us beautiful. They’re what give us value and purpose.

Perfection is a denial of vulnerability. It’s an idea we use to armor ourselves against what we’re most afraid of. We fool ourselves into thinking that once we’re perfect, we will finally surmount anyone’s attempts to judge or criticize us. We will have ‘won’ the game of life by being better than everyone else. For women especially, (though also for men in the fight against perceived weakness) the expectation of physical perfection—youth, beauty, fashion, and fitness in a way that somehow produces both slimness and simultaneous voluptuousness—is how we prove our worth in our current society. On social media, our photos are used to judge and rate us, hence the growing obsession to use tricks of the light, Photoshop, creative posing, etc., to create the illusion of absolute physical perfection. Again, we do this is so because we think we may finally be protected from the harsh judgment of others. We strive toward an ideal that doesn’t exist, because there will always be someone out there who can find fault with what they perceive, as all is subjective.

Instead of perfection, focus your energy to more consciously pursue self-love, truth, and compassion. We need to dare to be vulnerable. It’s only in being vulnerable, taking risks and daring to be our true selves that we are truly living. The most courageous and transformative moments of our lives can only be achieved by being vulnerable. I dare you to think of a single important moment in your life that did not include an attempt at vulnerability.

There is no value in fear, lies, and deception. Value is only found in truth and love. Give yourself permission to release fear of criticism and imperfection, and instead love yourself as you are in the core of your being. Anyone who doesn’t love you as you naturally are is not worth your energy. When you put effort into how you treat yourself, do it with compassion and with the goal of being healthy and happy in the privacy of your own heart and mind. The more compassion you give yourself, the more you will have to offer others. When you fill your energy with compassion and kindness, for yourself as well as others, it impacts everyone around you. It brings joy and peace. It releases the heavy weight of trying to live up to the collective delusion of performing perfection. 

Who is happier: someone who invests all of their time and effort into living up to the harsh, impossible, imagined expectations of society? Or someone who invests all of their time and effort into spreading love of self and others?

The digital culture in which we now live is not doing us any favors in the promotion of mental, spiritual, and emotional health. The false importance placed on surface-level image only spreads suffering. Your body is the fleshy vehicle for your soul. Yes, it’s important to try to keep it in working order and take care of it as best you are able, but all it is is a temporary container for an eternal, invincible facet of the Source of all life. You, reading this right now, are consciousness that is a singular part of a larger whole—the God-energy. What does God have to feel self-conscious about? Really? Who does God need to impress?

Please, sit with those questions in the quiet of your own mind. Ask yourself: What really scares me about being vulnerable? Who am I really trying to impress, and why have I given that person have so much power over my happiness?

Vulnerability is courage.

Vulnerability is where all value in life comes from. Do you want to have value and joy? Or do you want to have emptiness and fear?

Embrace your flaws. Use them to grow. You are good enough. You are wonderful. You should be proud of yourself. Celebrate your oddities. Share the beauty of your soul with us, so that we may be inspired to do the same. The brighter you shine your light on the world, the less darkness there will be.

If you’re interested in exploring more about the value of vulnerability, please check out the work of the inspiring and wise Brené Brown. She has TED talks, a Netflix special, has appeared on multiple episodes of the On Being podcast, and so much more.

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Choosing Happiness: Understanding Content vs Context

The most important way you can not only improve your own life, but help transform the lives of everyone around you, is by choosing happiness. This is the most effective way to make a positive impact on our world, which is so full of negativity and fear. Happiness is not something you will ever discover outside of yourself. It will never come to you. It can only come from within, and you can only enjoy it by releasing everything blocking your happiness so it can shine through.

What’s blocking your happiness? Ask yourself. When I say you can choose happiness, do you have an instinctive response such as, “I can’t be happy, because X, Y and Z.” What are X, Y and Z? Why do they have such power over you? How can you choose differently so they don’t have this power? How can you transform your outlook in such a way that you are more loving to yourself?

Do you not believe that happiness can impact the planet and humanity in general? Think about it—if everyone alive right now was completely happy and at peace, how would that change the state of the world? How would it affect violence, war, politics, religion, cruelty to women, children and minorities, greed, wealth inequality and standards of living? If everyone was content with having just enough to fulfill their basic needs, and were happy to take care of one another, how differently would our world look? If fear and greed were gone, what would change? Would the world not be a more loving place to exist?

When you choose happiness, it infects everyone you come in contact with. Others see your joy and are inspired to try choosing it for themselves. Happiness is infectious. Just one person can have a huge impact without even knowing it.

The key to beginning to choose happiness is to understand the CONTENT of our lives versus the CONTEXT. The content of our lives is made up by the labels you give yourself, the things you possess, the place you live, the job you have, the things you do, the people around you, the goals you have, the failures you’ve suffered. Most of humanity fervently believes the way to happiness is via changing the content of our lives. Let me assure you, this is utterly false. Stuff, things, money, and ideas will never create happiness.

Want proof? Look at the wealthy people in our world. More than anyone else, they’re focused on the content of their lives. Appearances, luxury, and attention are what drive and plague them. Their egos have run away with themselves, clouding out any chance to discover the path to actual happiness. They’re some of the most miserable people you will ever meet.

So what is the context of our lives? This is who you are, why you’re here, and the lessons you’re meant to learn. ‘Who you are’ in this sense has nothing to do with your race, gender, sexual orientation, job title, etc. This refers to the great I Am. The truth of your Being, the wholeness of your Spirit. When everything else is peeled away, and just your soul is left behind, who are you? You came into this life for specific reasons, to grow in specific ways. What are they?

When you die, all you will take with you when you go is your soul. Nothing else will matter. When my brother Matt passed away, I visited a psychic medium who not only helped me connect and get closure with my beloved brother, but also gave me a little glimpse into the future. I had since becoming estranged from my family and specifically from my only living sibling. Matt told me via the medium that our brother was stuck on a path where accruing wealth was his only priority, well about love or happiness. I was told he would die believing he had “won” (since he had been so busy manifesting what he broadcast, he would indeed get the wealth he so desperately craved), and only then would he see the real truth. It would be far too late to change his fate.

When we die, we are held accountable for our choices and actions. The stuff we left behind makes no difference at all. There are only three possibilities: you progress, you remain stuck, or you regress and diminish. The sooner you become aware of how to progress, the more you can accomplish while you’re still here to do it. Don’t wait until your life is over and poor choices condemn you to more suffering.

Abandoning focus on the content of our lives in favor of delving into the context is the way to infuse your life with joy and peace.

We incarnate into our bodies with specific limitations programmed in. We all have to learn to cope with lack. Our bodies, our minds, our ‘shells’ will fall short and fail us in ways that are intentional for our life purpose. These details of lack are there for a reason! There is nothing wrong with you! You’ve been assigned a unique challenge that’s pointing you directly toward where you need to go. Stop wasting energy worrying about where you feel you fall short compared to others, and instead learn to surrender with an open heart to truth and your purpose. Have faith in the love surrounding you at all times, in your guides and your Self. Embrace who you are with all of your shortcomings, knowing they’re serving you well. Let go of fear and choose love.

What aspects of the content of your life have you been worrying about? How can you let them go? How can you discover more about your context? Start there.

Love and blessings, friends.

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You Manifest What You Broadcast

Sometimes the simplest truths are the most difficult to accept. The funny thing about life is that once you begin to awaken and see more clearly what’s going on, it is astonishingly simple to understand—we just have to let go of doubt and fear. One such truth is that our thoughts and choices determine our experience. This means that whatever thoughts you tend to latch onto in the privacy of your own mind, and whatever choices you keep making, are a direct message to the universe of what you want to experience. So, the universe gives it to you. It’s helpful that way.

If you choose to worry all the time, the universe will give you more things to worry about. If you choose to obsess over comparing yourself to others, it’ll give you more opportunities to do that. If you are stuck in the past, the universe will keep you spinning in your old circles, prohibiting you from advancing to something new and better. If you’re angry all the time, it’ll help you find more things to be angry about. Do you see the pattern here?

But, if you instead choose to pursue things that make you feel happy and healthy, it’ll place things in your path to make you feel happy and healthy. If you choose to have fun and laugh, it’ll give you more things to have fun with. If you forgo fear and choose love instead, it’ll give you love in return. If you choose bravery, it’ll help you be brave. If you choose peace, it’ll help you remain peaceful.

See? It’s really not that hard. We all have free will. That means we get to determine our experience, even if we choose a miserable experience. Nothing will stand in our way, because our choice is always respected. We’re the Creators of our world. We shape our lives each moment of every day.

Yes, this means your thoughts are not private or secret. They “count”. Yes, it means there are real, visceral consequences to what you think about. The universe does respond to thought. Thought creates energy (either positive or negative) and all of our world is built with energy. Your thoughts create a ripple effect around you, affecting everything and everyone in your vicinity. Your spirit guides communicate telepathically, so yes, they know what you’re thinking. So many of us think we can get away with nasty, negative thought patterns, but they will draw harm into your life. They’re a toxin that will drain you of energy and joy. But if you manage to clear your mind through practices such as meditation, you’ll be much more receptive to guidance to help you along your journey, and a mind cleared of fear or negative thought patterns is one that will easily channel joy and peace.

How many people do you know who seem to have tragedy after tragedy befall them? Who use all of their energy letting the rest of us know about their suffering and their endless tragedies? Take a good look at that cycle they’re stuck in. Do you see how one can lead to the other? That if we choose to obsess over negativity, we will stay soaking in negativity? How can positive energy even find us when we surround ourselves with the opposite? Everyone experiences anger or sadness, but choosing to cling to those emotions is up to you. We need to let go of that which does not serve our highest good. The only way out is through. When you are mad, be mad and then let it go. When you are sad, be sad and then let it go. We need to become aware of our emotional state and our mental state. It is only through awareness that we can transcend and grow. No one can do this for you. You are responsible for your own happiness. No one will stop you if you deliberately choose suffering.

The universe and our personal spiritual entourage do not want us to suffer. The system of karma is set up so that we will spiral down into our negativity when we choose it. It will squeeze us harder and harder, our suffering becoming gradually more extreme for the sole purpose of trying to force us to make a different, better choice. It’s not a punishment. It’s the most basic form of growth. You do not need to suffer in order to grow, but if you abandon all other tools for growth and choose suffering instead, the universe will support you in that decision.

If this seems overwhelming the first thing to do, the best place to start, is to become more aware of your thought patterns. Try to notice when you fall into thoughts that make you feel bad. Try to notice when you’re bringing yourself and your energy down. Witness this. Then, make a different choice. Do some self-care to help release those painful thoughts so they can’t hurt you any longer. Go for a walk. Sit down and rest. Watch a funny cat video. Even just focusing on your breath as it goes in and out is a fantastic way to clear your mind of negativity. And ask yourself the hard questions. Ask yourself where your negative thoughts come from, where the stem from, and why. Forgive yourself for them. Find ways to heal the wounds they point to.

Yes, it is possible to quiet down the endless mental “chatter”. Once you become aware the real “you” is the witness to your experience rather that the source of the mental chatter in your head, you can work to remain aware of that truth constantly. Remaining aware and existing as the witness is the way to mental peace and quiet, and more freedom to enjoy life.

You are not here to try to fix things, to save the planet, to change others, to search for your secret magical true purpose, or anything else. You’re here to heal yourself, to relax and enjoy life. Anything meant for you will find you, so in the meantime, pay attention to what you’re broadcasting.

I promise, if you can do this it will transform your entire life for the better.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Importance of Recognizing the Pain-Body

A crucial part of the spiritual awakening process is recognizing your own behaviors, and the reasons you do what you do. Something that will totally transform the way you view the world is by understanding the pain-body. So… What is the pain-body?

It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a “painbody,” an energy entity consisting of old emotion.

Eckhart Tolle

I strongly urge you to read what Eckhart Tolle writes about the pain-body in his book The New Earth. As I understand it, whenever we don’t fully face and process our emotional pain as it naturally occurs in daily life, that pain is then stored within our pain-body—a collection of energy that builds and gets stronger the more we “feed it”. It becomes so strong that it behaves like a parasite, taking control of us and our actions when it gets “hungry”. The pain-body is just like any other life form in that it wants to survive and thrive. But it needs more pain in order to do that. It craves only one thing: pain for you and pain for others. It will hijack you in order to get it.

The pain-body, when it takes control of you, does not have empathy or compassion. It is only rage, bitterness, hatred, and every other negative emotion. When something pushes you over the line and you burst into anger, and you feel it flooding you and blocking out all positive emotions—like during road rage, for instance—that’s your pain-body taking over. That’s why you feel so helpless in those moments. You are.

One of the biggest puzzles of my life, left unsolved for decades, which unsettled me on a very deep level, was encounters with the pain-bodies of those closest to me. Eckhart Tolle explains that the pain-body loves more than anything to provoke our friends and family into experiencing pain. It’s one of the key way it gets sustenance. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been faced with someone who should have felt unconditional love for me but instead was essentially a heartless rage-monster who only wanted me to suffer. The heart can’t understand something like that. Of course, those moments would come and go. The pain-body would come to the forefront and the recede again in time. But it never got enough and always came back. In some people, like my parental figure, their pain-body had become strong enough to have much more control over them than what was left of their withered soul.

To know now what was happening there is a way I empower myself and find ways to feel compassion for those who hurt me in the past. They were at the mercy of their pain-body, which had grown too dense for the light of their soul to shine through.

We cannot affect the pain-body of others, but we can learn to recognize when we experience it in ourselves. As soon as we become aware of it, it loses power over us. It really is as easy as that. If rage begins to consume you, or you feel sadistic pleasure in the misfortunes of others, seeing it as the emotional entity of the pain-body and not your essence lets you take back control. It also prompts us to do the deep inner work needed to face our buried pain in order to release it. That’s the only way to defeat your inner parasite.

Be warned that the media and our society in general has been built to feed the pain-body. It wants us to be offended and alarmed. Selling fear to our pain-bodies gives them food and keeps us weak. It makes us easy to control and powerless. Too many TV shows and movies are designed to enable our pain-bodies with gratuitous violence and suffering. I promise you that you will feel happier and healthier if you avoid those things and instead choose entertainment that lifts the heart, challenges the mind, or makes you laugh. Not all depictions of pain are bad. If it is done to demonstrate the awakening process, in which we are shown how to learn from mistakes and grow, that can be a good thing. Provoking awareness is always the goal and the way we take back our world, healing it and making it a better place for all of life.

So, take a good hard look at yourself and those around you. Try to see what’s really going on, and what’s really in control. Use love and choose love as the way to conquer fear and pain.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Your Purpose in Life is to Do Soulwork

You there, reading this right now—this post is about and for you—no matter who you are, where you live, what your age, race, gender, or any other external trait. Your purpose in life above all else is to do soulwork.

What is soulwork? It’s the process by which we more fully embody our true self. Your true self is your soul. Soulwork clears away the pain and noise our ego endlessly gathers around us, so that we can live a peaceful, joyous, fulfilling existence on this plane before returning to our true home. It’s the way in which learn to heal old wounds so that we are made whole. It’s how we grow and raise our vibration to a higher level. Everything in our three-dimensional world is energy that has a frequency, and we have the ability to control whether ours is low and negative, or high and positive. You can ignite your own evolution into an enlightened being, right now.

How do we do soulwork? By seeking truth and manifesting love. A good place to start is by recognizing the difference between ego and soul.

Ego is how we initially learn to define ourselves: with labels, relationships, and connections to other people, places, and material objects. Ego tells us our worth is purely determined by things outside of ourselves. Ego lies. It’s an illusion that fights for dominance over us, since it knows its existence ends when this earthly shell completes its journey and our soul moves on. Ego is our thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness observing the thoughts—the listener. The watcher.

But the truth is all that we have everything we could ever need or want already inside of us. The only thing we need to do is realize this truth, and learn to let go of everything weighing us down and distracting us. You don’t need money, or intelligence, or any sort of physical ability to achieve your full potential as a spiritual being. All you need is the willingness to do your best.

Focus on your soulwork every day, as much as possible. Learn to view the world through the pursuit of love and truth. Our society teaches us that it’s selfish to put our own needs before those of others, but you cannot care for others without first caring for yourself. You cannot fill the buckets of others when your bucket is bone-dry. You cannot help others secure their oxygen masks if you’re suffocating. Truly, the best way to help others is to first help yourself! When we heal ourselves, it has a monumental effect on everyone we come in contact with. We broadcast healing, peaceful energy. We become the ones showing others the way and igniting their desire to do their own soulwork. We give truth and love a place to anchor so they can spread and grow exponentially. There is nothing more important than that.

Ego tells us our purpose in life is to have lots of money and power over others. I invite you to take a good long look at those with a lot of money and power over others. Do they seem happy to you? Peaceful? Secure? Satisfied?

The only way to feel complete is to do soulwork. Within that path is everything you’ve ever wanted and dreamed of. It’s the path toward realizing the ultimate truth—that you are a singular facet of the whole of creation. That you are undying, omnipotent, and divine. You are a facet of God. We are all facets of God, just as we are all One. We are connected to everything. We are awareness itself, and co-creators of our world.

All the love you’ve ever sought from others? It’s waiting inside your heart for you to claim it. You don’t need to go out into the world looking for it. You can love yourself more completely than anyone else ever could. You ARE love. It’s what we’re made of. So, imagine all the wild things you’d do or give up for someone you love more than anything, as long as it made them happy. Do those kinds of wild things, give up those things for the sake of your own happiness. Take care of yourself the way you’d care for your beloved. If you need rest, then rest. If you are hungry, eat. If you are restless, move. If you are hurt, search for the cause so that you can eradicate it from your world.

Everything we experience is a choice. Most of the choices we make are unconscious, but we still have the power to change them. It just takes more work to discover what’s gone wrong. So delve into your heart. Go looking for your pain. Sit with it and study it. Ask lots of questions, like “why”. Get to the heart of the problem, and look for the choice that is causing the pain to flourish. Then, all you need to do is choose something other than what’s hurting you. Will it be scary? Maybe. It will be new, and new things can be intimidating. But it’s only in facing our fear that we see fear is only ego trying to hold us back. After all, you’re a facet of God. What does God have to fear?

If there is someone in your life actively causing you pain, you’re allowed to choose to get away from them. We should always strive to surround ourselves only with those who lift us higher, rather than bring us down. Your energy is directly affected by the energy of those around you. You also attract what you broadcast.

As co-creators of the world, the world responds to our requests. That means when we choose peace, growth, and happiness, the universe is designed to then give us those things. When we choose worrying, we’re given things to worry about. When we choose misery, we’re given misery. Test this out. I dare you to try it. Your thoughts, your intentions, and your choices are what determine what is brought into your path. So choose what you WANT rather than what you FEAR. Don’t give the negative any of your attention, and see how it transforms your whole life.

Soulwork is a permanent way to improve your existence. It benefits you in this lifetime, as well as beyond. It’s why we’re here—to grow and heal our souls. Earth is one of the toughest “soul schools” there is. We’re the brave ones who have dared face the gauntlet here and have the chance to make our wildest dreams come true. When we raise our vibrations and work on real self-growth at the deepest levels, we are pursuing enlightenment, nirvana, and open wondrous new realms of possibility in this life and far, far beyond. There’s no reason besides fear not to try, and you’re stronger than fear, always. I believe in you. Do this for your self.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Approach It Like You Chose It

I want you to try an experiment (you’ve got nothing to lose in giving it a shot): Ignore the fear voice in your head and decide to approach every single obstacle in your path like you chose to face them. Agree that you are where you are precisely because you asked to be there, rather than due to misfortunate accident. Resolve that your problems are an awesome opportunity to heal what causes you pain, and are not a curse.

It’s so easy to feel like hardships and trials are happening to you—they’re out of your control and you are just the victim of unfair circumstances. After all, taking such a stance absolves all responsibility, allowing you to collapse and cry, “Pity me! Save me!” while waiting for a hero to come along and banish all troubles.

But playing the victim is a choice we make. It’s just as easy to choose to play the hero.

Imagine that before you were even born, while still a soul untethered to a body, you decided on what you wanted to learn during your next life, and where you wanted it to take you. You drew a map filled with adventure and excitement, meant to test your abilities. You planned to face a few fears and experience scary new things in order to prove your bravery, creativity, and strength. To prepare for this voyage, you blessed yourself with each of the particular gifts you’d need in order to carry out the tasks that lie ahead. You invested the parts of your soul you most wanted to grow and empower. When you arrived on Earth, your quest had begun. You left your memories of the map behind (it would be cheating to know what to expect ahead of time). Now, you’re here! You’re in the thick of it. Your dream has come true and things are really getting exciting!

Everything in life is a puzzle left for you to solve, or not. Free will gives us the option to give up, even though we are always capable of finding our needed answers. I’m daring you, here and now, to try and face everything that crosses your path like you planned for it to happen at exactly the time it does, for a very good, specific reason—you’re on a treasure hunt and the only way forward is through.

Where’s the fun in giving up? Would you rather be broken down on the side of the road, or off chasing the biggest prize of all? You absolutely can stay right where you are and raise a white flag of defeat, but that won’t get you a free pass. When we shut down and stay stuck, life puts the squeeze on us. It wants us to move and grow. It wants us to live and be. When you choose stagnation, life will make you increasingly uncomfortable until you make a different choice, and start moving again. And if you leave the game before it’s over? You come right back to that starting line for another round.

On the other hand, if you accept the mindset that you are in charge, that you’re the captain of your beautiful ship, carving a path through choppy water and stormy seas, life will reward you. It will empower you. It will help you find the courage and motivation needed to succeed at every single thing you try to do.

No one is doing anything to you. You wanted to be here. You decided to come. On a deeper level, you already believe you can do it, you just need to figure out how to tap into that knowledge hidden within yourself. You’re experiencing the exact things you came here to experience. Nothing is coincidence or accidental.

Think about it: How would your life change if you approached it as the architect of your circumstances? Would it help things seem less scary? Less impossible?

You believed in yourself enough to put yourself here. Are you curious about what your reward will be if you succeed? Does it give you comfort to know there is a map, and you’re exactly where you need to be? Are you excited to wonder what might come next?

You designed this life you’re living. The seemingly impossible challenges in front of you have solutions, and they’ll reveal themselves if you keep doing your best to find them. Everything is a puzzle. Puzzles have solutions. They can be completed and beaten. Nothing in your custom-tailored life is impossible. When you get to a dead end, it just means it’s time to try a different route. If you have faith in yourself and in the thrill of being, the answers will come to you naturally. They will flow your way and fall right into your hand. All that’s left is to recognize them for what they are and grab hold. But that’s a choice you have to make. You need to decide to solve your puzzles. No one will do it for you. No one can save you from a life you chose to experience.

You are your own champion. That fact scares some people. They don’t want to do the hard work. They don’t want the responsibility. But the truth is you have everything you need already inside of you. You planned it out that way. Deep down, you do remember that map you drew before you arrived. You know the secrets. You are capable of triumphing over anything that comes your way. Anything! All of the power and magic you desire is already within you, waiting to be revealed.

And what’s the prize waiting for you at the end? Its shape and form is different for each of us, but its essence is growth. Wisdom. Enlightenment. Paradise. The more puzzles you solve, the more you recognize the rules to playing the game, allowing you to take control of how it unfolds. You can create your dreams while you’re still here. You drew this map and you can keep drawing it. You can transform your existence into something where fear doesn’t exist and the joy of living, the love of being, is what fills your soul and your days.

So, my friends, you have a choice to make. What will it be?

Love and blessings.