Dear Reader,
I may not know you personally, but today I want to tell you how proud I am of you that you’re here right now. The world demands a lot from us these days just in existing in it at all. I may not know your specific circumstances, but I do know you’ve made it this far, and that’s pretty spectacular. There are so many forces in the world set on attack mode, and it’s been rough on everyone. Please take a moment and really hear me telling you that you’re doing a good job if you: got out of bed today, or went to work, or got some exercise, or ate something healthy, or were tempted to give yourself a hard time about something and resisted that urge. There are not enough moments in this life in which we’re reminded of how far we’ve come, and how much hard work it took just to get to this time and space. But you did it, and I think you deserve to feel really good about that.
The toxic environment I escaped from after thirty seven years left me with a persistent mind-creature I’ve taken to calling the Doubt Monster. It’s a vicious voice in my head that liked to bare its teeth whenever I began to feel proud of myself, or confident, or hopeful about something I was doing. Whenever things were looking up, instinctively and skillfully this voice worked to bring me back down. My abusive parents intentionally installed this reflex in me in a twisted attempt to feel better about themselves, and it has taken a whole lot of conscious work to dismantle it.
Even if you didn’t also come from a toxic environment like me, there’s a lot in this world that isn’t exactly healthy. Just being here puts you in the firing line. It’s not that difficult to wind up with a tendency to be hard on ourselves.
My Doubt Monster used to be really good at latching on at the slightest inkling of joy or peace. These days, I don’t hear from it as much. But I do keep getting stuck in a broader thinking trap of “But what if I should be doing THIS instead?” It’s an abyss that’s so easy to trip and fall into. Before, I never even considered there was a way to avoid these traps. I’m here to tell you there is. It’s tricky but possible to catch yourself and remember that it’s fear creating those doubts. Phantoms of the mind set pitfalls in our path. It’s something we allowing our minds to do to us; something we fall for.
But there is another choice. We can work to identify those fear traps when we spot them. Calling them out robs them of their power (saying to yourself, “Wait. Stop. That’s only fear talking.” or just “That’s a fear thought.” “That’s an angry thought.”). It sounds like it shouldn’t make a difference, but I invite you to try it and judge for yourself (Confession: this is one of the few things that allows me to side-step road rage in the heat of the moment).
We can choose instead to know we’re fine just the way we are, on the course the universe naturally lays out before us. If something is meant for our life, it will find us. Chasing things/people/situations out of fear is never the solution. We need to stand strong as our natural selves, in our existing centers of power, trusting in them. All we need to do is choose to trust our path, trust in ourselves, trust in the wisdom of the universe.
Affirmations are a big deal in the self-help world, but I feel there is a crucial step missing before trying to use them. We need to look within and really ask ourselves with total sincerity if we believe what we’re saying in the affirmation. For example, if the affirmation is “I trust myself”, first really look deeply within and, in the quiet of your heart, as yourself if this is true. Go ahead. Ask. Then stop and listen to what your gut tells you in reply. Do you trust yourself? Out of everyone in this world, you are who you know best. You are the driver of your life. You are your only constant company in this voyage. Do you trust yourself? Your instincts? Your judgment? Your ability to love yourself and act in a loving way toward yourself? If the answer is yes, grab hold of that truth. Let it swell in your heart, growing it bigger and bigger. Give yourself permission to believe in it with absolute confidence.
If you do not believe it, make it your mission to find out why. Have a private conversation in the quiet of your heart about what you can do to help yourself, to heal yourself and get to a place where you would feel confident in your own voice.
This is a big deal. Most if not all of the world’s problems could be solved if all of us truly trusted in ourselves and loved ourselves the ways in which we’re truly capable. We are our own closest connection to the pure love and absolute wisdom of the Creator Spirit. Our minds (temporary things that serve as our tool in this one, fleeting life of many) set all sorts of traps for our souls as we strive to keep our connection to eternal Spirit strong, and our primary battle on Earth will always be this inner battle to connect to the strength and power of Love. Doubt, fear, anger, jealousy—it spoils everything, if we let it. We do not have to let it. YOU do not have to let it. We have the power to make a different, better choice. Helping yourself helps the world. Loving yourself helps the world. Believe that. Try it out. Love yourself more than you have been, even in seemingly small ways, and see if it changes anything for you. Does it grow your happiness? Your peace? Do some of your worries fall away?
It’s so easy to get distracted from our primary soul issues. We get swept up in the day-to-day noise of, “I have to pick up milk on the way home from work today,” and “I told this person I would do that,” and “I’ve been meaning to get to finally doing this,” or “I don’t think this person shouldn’t be doing that”. Let all of that go. I give you permission. Even if only for a moment or a minute, let it all go. Stop—really stop—and see you’re doing a good job at taking care of yourself, then give yourself permission to do a GREAT job instead. Look for ways to love yourself more.
Even if all you accomplish today is to take better care of yourself, IT IS ENOUGH. And not only is it enough, but you should be actively proud of yourself for it. Kindness starts with how we treat ourselves. Kindness starts right there, in the quiet of your heart. If you can’t be kind there, how could you expect to be kind anywhere else? And if you can’t be kind, why would you expect kindness to find you? We all want kindness. Some of us expect it. We strut around with a kindness entitlement burning away in us. But you get what you give. Start by giving kindness to yourself.
Sending love and blessings your way, friends.
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