What is judgement, really? How can we best understand it in order to avoid being controlled by it? We are more powerful than the instinct to criticize. We’re not helpless to succumb. Judgement is us choosing to tell ourselves, “you should feel bad because______.” We’re making the choice to inflict pain on ourselves, rather than choosing joy. We’re taking a weight onto our back to carry around and cause us misery, for no good reason. Being upset about some perceived slight does not fix any problems. It does no good.
That being said, there’s a weird mental circle I find myself getting stuck in over and over again. It goes something like this:
- All of us as souls are equal. No one has more value or is “better” than anyone else.
- We each have different perspectives and tools to work with. Our definition of what the “best” thing to do in any given situation is always unique.
- Everyone is always doing what feels best to them, given their circumstances and perspective.
- If everyone is equal, everyone is equally capable of understanding right vs. wrong. Everyone is equally able to choose right vs. wrong. (This is the most subjective part of this circle, admittedly, but I stand by the idea that we all are capable of choosing love over suffering.)
- When someone chooses wrong, we should not judge them for it. We’re all at different stages of growth and learning, and should not compare ourselves to others.
- When we see suffering because of a “wrong” choice, we should react with compassion, and remind ourselves we don’t know the full story behind what’s happening and why.
- How do we resolve the truth of equality with the existence of so much suffering, especially when we see others actively creating suffering?
On the broader scale, how do we avoid judgements like, “I’m better than this person who has chosen to kill others”? Or “I’m better than this person who has hurt children”? If someone commits monstrous crimes such as murder or child abuse, how do we abstain from judgement and instead choose compassion?
Honestly, the only way I can answer that question is to point out that any time we choose to cast judgement, we’re choosing to carry a weight on our back. We’re choosing pain over joy. Our pain due to someone else’s actions does no undo those actions, it only spreads more pain. Our bad feelings do not affect the act that caused those feelings. If we can instead choose compassion for those choosing pain, and find ways to promote love and growth instead, we’re making an active difference. We’re contributing love and joy instead of more pain.
To give you a more specific example, I struggle with judgement of my neighbors. I live in an area where there are many elderly residents in large (mostly empty) houses. These people are increasingly incapable (physically or financially) of maintaining their property. They also don’t want to sell and move to someplace more manageable because they prefer the status, independence, and privacy of a big house. The result of this is that many, many old-growth trees in my neighborhood have been chopped down over the past few years. My neighbors prioritize their pride and personal comfort over the lives of beautiful creatures who’ve been around for hundreds of years.
Yesterday, one particular neighbor had a tree crew armed with chainsaws, hacking away at a pair of ancient trees the size of a seven-story building. I’ve spent many days admiring the beauty of these trees. I love them as much as I love some people. But this neighbor lives in a big old house by himself and it’s taxing to rake leaves every fall. I’ll admit to being overwhelmed with anger at this neighbor in that moment as the chainsaws were roaring. I was angry for a solid hour or two, going to the gym to use my feelings as fuel. The next day, I saw that those trees were still standing—they were just awkwardly shaped and missing several large branches which had been overhanging power lines. This showed me I’d carried my anger and tainted what would have otherwise been a joyful afternoon, for what? Nothing. My anger didn’t help the trees. Even if the trees had been completely removed, my anger would not bring them back.
If, instead, I had compassion for my neighbors because it’s a burden to take care of a piece of property, especially as we get older and less able to conquer physical tasks, and with a limited budget, my support would have made more of a difference. I could have offered to help them rake leaves. I could have chatted with them to show my affection for them as fellow humans trying to do our best in this small corner of the world. Promoting understanding and fellowship is a happier route than being quietly bitter about an imagined crime.
Every day of our lives we’re given choices. We’re faced with challenges. We have the freedom to do what we think is right, and the consequences are ours to face. That is unavoidable. So the best we can do is try to understand the ramifications of what we do, and to always try to choose joy and love over suffering. We’re all in this together. Helping one another also helps us help ourselves, and will progress us farther towards a happier world than creating divisions of judgement.
Love and blessings, friends.
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