I have not talked about the things I’m sharing here with anyone besides my husband. As far as I can remember, I never told anyone about these experiences, and still haven’t decided whether I’ll start talking about them in the future. For now, this blog is the sole place I’m sharing them. I’ve been surrounded by outspoken skeptics my whole life and it’s worn me down. At this point, I don’t care whether or not anyone else believes in these things, because they’re starkly real to me and quite a lot to handle psychologically all on your own.
One disclaimer before diving in. I distinguish between spirits and “ghosts”. My gift has manifested differently at various stages of my life, but I do not see ghosts (such as the transparent, full-color, full-bodied apparitions shown wandering hallways in TV shows and movies). I see energy, including conscious energy in the form of spirit. Infrequently, I have encountered the impression of specific deceased relatives and gotten a crystal-clear image of them in my mind (as well as information about why they were visiting), but my experiences don’t play out the way Hollywood portrays. I also want to point out that there’s a lot more out there with us besides formerly alive humans. A LOT more.
I’ve noticed these phenomenally bright spirits show up randomly during the day as I’m doing chores. Suddenly, when I blink I’ll see a blinding light at the edge of my vision. If I’m able to, I then find a darker space in which to close my eyes and check out what’s going on.
It can be frustrating to not know who these spirits are, why they’re visiting me, or why they hang around. I don’t even really understand where they are in space and time in relation to my physical body. They never “come out” from beyond the edges of things like my co-pilots do. At any given point in time there are usually a couple of them on both my left and right, several above me, and sometimes one below. They move around (some more than others). They come out in droves while I’m meditating.
Childhood Abilities
I could see spirits when I was young. Since I wasn’t exactly surrounded by supportive, nurturing loved ones, I kept it to myself and found ways to self-soothe when overwhelmed by this ability. The spirits showed up mostly at night and in the dark. I’d see shadow figures passing through my bedroom like it was Grand Central Station. And I’m not just talking about one or two, but a crowd of them. Too many to count. If I decided to “see the people”, it would switch on and they would be everywhere.
It was terrifying.
If I wondered if I would see a scary face, one would manifest right in front of me like I’d conjured it. Most of the people were all-black figures who walked through walls and the room like they couldn’t see it or didn’t know it was even there. They never interacted with me. The only ones who would look directly at me or acknowledge me at all were the negative, scary ones.
I hated it. My life was already hellish due to having abusive, neglectful parents with severe, untreated personality disorders. Seeing transparent people in my bedroom in the dead of night was the breaking point for me.
So I turned it off. I decided—conclusively—that I “didn’t want to see the people anymore”.
It worked. I stopped seeing them… for the most part. I had a couple other one-off experiences after that.
One of them was seeing a brightly glowing female in long, flowing blue robes with golden hair walk out of my parents’ bathroom, cross their bedroom, the hallway, and then enter my bedroom. Hyperventilating with terror, I yanked the bedsheet up over my head to hide. But I could still see her THROUGH the sheet as she sat on the edge of my bed, looking at me. As an overwhelmed, traumatized little kid, I can’t even explain my level of fear at that point. I blanked out. My memory of it shuts off once I remember her sitting down. Interestingly, she gave off loving energy. She smiled. She glowed like an angel. I’m pretty sure the fear stemmed from the fact that I could still see her through the sheet, proving it wasn’t just my mind playing tricks on me.
In retrospect, I believe she was a benevolent spirit checking up on me.
The older I got, the more I told myself it had all been in my mind and not real at all.
I was wrong.
Several Months Ago: The First Signs Something was Changing
During the pandemic, I’ve spent time meditating every single day. I’ve gone on daily ninety minute walks for months, doing chanting mantras to keep my mind clear and my awareness on the present moment rather than worries. In addition to this, I’ve been doing tons of inner work (journaling, shadow work, speaking to my spirit guides, etc.) in my plentiful free time. The clearer my mind became, the lighter I felt.
Soon, I noticed pressure on my forehead, right between and above my eyes where the third eye is located. This sensation began during the length of my meditations, or even just when I would zone out randomly during the day. It was intense and unmistakable, like someone’s fingertip resting firmly against the skin.
That was the first sign.
Then I began to see things during meditation, when my eyes were shut. It looked like a lava lamp effect of darkness and dim, blue light swirling gently around. It was hypnotic and pleasant to watch. I could follow the movement and it would help keep my mind clear of thoughts.
Next, the air came alive for me. Everywhere, all the time, I see movement in the air. It’s energy. It pulses, shimmers, flickers, and flows. It’s become impossible to tell if it’s raining lightly outside because it always looks like it is to me. This is called “energy rain”.
I began, immediately after each session of meditation, to try and see my aura. I’d un-focus my eyes and see faint colors surrounding my hand. I’d also see fizzy energy—it looks almost exactly like the tiny bubbles that shoot off the top of a freshly poured glass of soda. It’s made of tiny specks of light and shoots off of my skin everywhere, all the time. The specks fly at great speed and travel several feet away from the body, where I tend to lose track of them as they keep going on their trajectories without slowing down. These are part of our energy field, showing exactly how we interact with the world around us in profound ways of which we’re not even aware.
Given all of these little amazements, it was still pretty astounding when I started to notice beings at the absolute edges of my peripheral vision when my eyes were shut. There were two of them—one on each side. I’ve been calling them my co-pilots. I can (just barely) see them from about the waist up, with clearly distinguishable arms, torso, and a head that is always concealed behind a radiating light. At first, I only caught glimpses, but they were always there as (at the very least) a brightly glowing, moving light. They are there twenty-four seven and appear differently than any other being I’ve witnessed. I believe them to be my spirit guides.
Present Day: Daytime Spirits
My co-pilots are still there, all the time. All I have to do is close my eyes to see them. I can even see them with my eyes open in the right circumstances. When I recently went to the dentist for my regular teeth-cleaning, while sitting in the waiting room I got to watch a pair of tiny glowing arms moving around at the outer edge of my right eye.
At night, I see my co-pilots much more clearly when they often “come out”, moving further into my field of vision. Their presence is always profoundly reassuring and not at all scary. I can call on them for protection to place themselves between me and other beings that may have ill intent. It can get awkward when I notice them when I’m in the shower or other moments when we would naturally assume we’re alone. Now I know I’m not! Ever! But I appreciate the reassurance that I’m not on my own and always have support. These guys are very hard at work. They’re always moving and frantically working on things with their hands like they’re piloting a complicated space shuttle (hence the co-pilot nickname).
In addition to my co-pilots, I now see other light beings during daytime hours. They hang out in my peripheral vision. They’re much smaller than the co-pilots, and are just balls of light. They come in a variety of sizes and colors, and pulsate constantly at different speeds and strengths. It’s thanks to their differences in brightness and flickering speeds that I’m able to distinguish them from one another. There are usually around ten of them (more or less) around me at a given time. They move around the edges of things and come and go. I have absolutely no idea who they are or why they’re here. If there is a way to communicate directly with them, I have not yet found it. Thankfully, I usually can’t see them unless I close my eyes. This helps me tune them out while I’m going about my day.
Once in a while I’ll get a visitor who is breathtakingly bright. Again, I notice them with my eyes closed—while blinking or if I shut my eyes for a longer period of time. Think of sitting in a dark movie theater, watching the movie projected onto the screen. Then, imagine someone on the side of the theater switches on one solitary flood light. That’s what it’s like when these spirits show up.
I can say one thing though—I much prefer seeing spirits in lightbeing form to seeing apparitions or shadow figures.
Nothing about these lightbeing visitors is scary for me now. They help remind me to make best use of my time, and to live mindfully, doing the best I can at all times, in all ways. It’s easier to feel motivated when I can literally see my audience watching me. I’m never off the hook or off the clock. Every moment is witnessed.
But I’ve got to say, even with all of the activity I see during the day, it’s NOTHING to what I experience at night.
Love and blessings, friends.
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