Author: Bec

Posted on

Seer Diaries: How Do I Explain This So You’ll Believe Me

Okay, real talk: I’ve been avoiding writing this post, because I don’t know how to say this so that you’ll believe me. I’ve only told my husband, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t believe it either. The more time that passes, the less I understand and the more questions I have.

I don’t know what is happening to me, or why. Sometimes I practice explaining it while going on a long walk alone to clear my head, but I always get to a certain point where I hear myself and can’t fathom thinking this is anything but a weird exercise in writing fiction. But I swear to anyone reading this, this is actually happening. It’s overwhelming to such a degree that I fully believe the stories of people having a psychotic break after their third eye opens.

I saw a story on a message board online of someone who knew someone whose third eye opened, and the guy flew to INDIA and tracked down a guru to beg him to shut it down for him. That’s the only case I’ve seen where anyone had managed to close this door once it’s been opened. So I’m quite serious when I say that once this door is opened, it’s disintegrated. There is no “shutting the door” again, because there is no more door. There is only the new normal.

My Credentials

I’m a normal person. I have no history of mental illness. I was raised as a Catholic in white, middle-class, suburban America. I don’t do drugs or drink alcohol. I don’t even eat meat or drink anything caffeinated.

I’ve been married for 20 years. I have two amazing teenage kids who are straight-A students and have never gotten in serious trouble in their lives. I’ve worked at the same design studio for twenty-one years and am their most valued, relied on employee, by far. I’ve had over twenty stories published, including fifteen novels. I’m a very quiet, reversed person who likes to do crafts and puzzles.

My focus in my spare time has increasingly been on my spiritual growth. This started because I was raised by very flawed, abusive people and desperately wanted to be a better person than them, somehow. It then progressed from there once I realized the spiritual path of healing oneself and understanding existence is the truest path most worthy of our time and energy. It’s the only way to dramatically improve life, to contribute the most effectively to improving the world, and fulfill the core reasons why we were ever born in the first place.

What Happens at Night: Some Basics

Since my third eye opened, every single night—without a single pause or night off—for many months now, the same thing happens. It starts between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. Once it starts, it does not stop until I get out of bed to start my day that morning. It does not stop if I get out of bed to use the bathroom or get some water. It sounds ridiculous, but the spirits who are always around me (who I’ve taken to calling my co-pilots), know when my alarm goes off. That’s when they shut things down, and not a second sooner.

Everything I see at night is with a deep bluish-purple light, and black shadow. I can see these things with my eyes open or shut, but I see the clearest when it’s darkest, with my eyes shut, so I keep an eye mask next to my bed to help me focus sometimes.

When my third eye is completely open and activated, I can see the room I’m in and everything in it with my eyes shut. I can even still see them with the eye mask on and a pillow covering my eyes. If I raise my hand (with eyes shut, eye mask on, AND pillow over my face), I can see my fingers wiggling. I’ve watched my husband get up out of bed and walk around it to stand by his dresser while my eyes are shut, and I’m wearing an eye mask. I’ve seen explanations that this is possible because I’m seeing with my spirit and not my physical eyes, which seems to be accurate.

Note: When this is happening, and I don’t have my eyes covered in some way, just my eyelids closed, I have seen entities standing in the room with me, leaning over the bed and watching me. This was not at all pleasant or fun, as you can possibly imagine. I could ONLY see the entities when my eyes were closed. Yet another reason why I keep the eye mask handy—it helps to block those guys out. All of the other entities I see are NOT in the room with me. I only see them because I’m seeing through The Veil with my third eye.

The Layers

When things get started between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m., it happens after I wake from sleep. Only once have I been lying awake with insomnia and “seen” it start on its own. I don’t do anything to start it—it’s on autopilot. I’ll surface from a dream to be confronted directly with all of this going on.

Everything I see is on several layers, happening all at the same time. Think of multiple transparent pages placed on top of one another, each with different imagery. I can focus on different layers to bring them into sharper focus.

One layer I can see 24/7. It looks like a swirling mass of billions of stars, which is why I’ve started calling it “the galaxy”. It’s always moving and changing direction, swiveling and shifting. I can change its direction or pause it completely with only my intention and focus. I believe this to be The Veil between dimensions. When entities are coming through, the eye of galaxy is faced directly towards me with an opening in the center.

Another layer is made up of tiny, intricate symbol patterns made of light. Sometimes the symbols move in a repetitious, constant motion. Like with the galaxy, I can control this layer with my intention by focusing. If I want to zoom in on it, or shrink the symbols, I can.

These are the only layers I can control at all (from what I’ve experienced so far).

At the “back” is pure darkness, which feels alive and moving. Sometimes it seems to be folding in on itself, or twisting, or just moving in a lot of intricate, complex ways.

Behind the symbol layer is where I see entities appear. They are stubborn and tend to only leave when I fall asleep again. Sometimes they stay all night long. I’m not going to try to explain them in this post, but 98% of them are non-human, and I don’t mean that they’re animals. Most human entities I see are negative ones (so I do actually prefer the non-human guys). With any of the entities, sometimes I just see a couple of features of their face, or only their eyes.

A lot of times, the entities will send me visions to “introduce themselves”. These take over my entire field of vision and play like little movie clips. They’ll play through clearly once, and then repeat, but the repeats will be twisted and blurred. Most of the humans I see are the ones featured in visions which I’m assuming are like messages or stories. Sometimes the visions have other colors, which is always exciting.

After the vision plays, sometimes I’ll see another layer I refer to as the Watchers. These look like shadow figures. I see them only as silhouettes that move and interact with each other.

No Control

I don’t have any sort of control over any of that, really. I have literally tried everything. I can interrupt the visions by opening my eyes for a few seconds. I do this a lot if I’m unsure whether the vision is from a negative being. It is really hard to tell the intention of these entities because I’m only using my sense of sight here. There is no sound, or any energetic signature of “nice” or “angry”.

Some look obviously negative. They have “horror faces”, which is basically like if you asked a four-year-old to draw a scary face. The negative humans will usually be making screaming faces. A lot of the others try to look harmless, but then will try to harm me by draining my energy later, which does cause physical pain.

Asking for Help

At first, I hated to ask for help. I read that you could ask the angels, and specifically Archangel Michael, for help with removing negative spirits. (Disclaimer, I KNOW how crazy this sounds, trust me!) It worked every single time. I would literally see angels appear (glowing, wings, flowing robes, etc.—exactly how you’d expect them to look) and remove the negative spirit. The angels would then stay with me for the rest of the morning, for hours, until I got out of bed. They appeared in white or blue light, flying past in the darkness, or looking down from clouds where The Veil has parted.

That’s when I started to feel like I was inconveniencing actual celestial beings. I’d have massive amounts of guilt afterward, so for a few weeks I tried to just suffer through the negative entities.

Now I have a new tactic. I ask for the help of my guides and any nearby angels as part of my prayers before bed. I am very, very thankful for them. I ask them to shield me from any negative entity so I can rest.

And they do! They do it without me having to figure out who is bad and who is benevolent. I have learned that if there is an angelic presence protecting me, I’ll see it as a blue, soft light at the edges of my vision, and the entity in question will be pushed way back into the darkness. I can see it there, but it can’t hurt me.

Strangely, the angels tend to leave around dawn, so then my guides will take over and physically put themselves between me and the entity in question.

Their help has quite literally saved my sanity. I am so deeply thankful for their protection. I can sleep now without panicking about what is going to be lurking in the darkness. When I say I tried everything else, I tried EVERYTHING else that anyone at all in the spiritual community suggests to clear negative energy from a space. The negative guys do not listen to me. They don’t care about shielding or sage or crystals. They don’t behave like ghosts because they’re not “here” in my bedroom, they’re on another plane of existence that I can only see because of my third eye.

In Conclusion

It’s been a lot, guys. I started to have a deep, existential dread at the end of every day about what I was going to endure that night. But this has been going on so long now, I have acclimated. I know at the very least that I can handle it. I know I can rely on help being there in some form if I need it.

I have seen so many things. Things you truthfully would not believe. I have woken up to being surrounded by THOUSANDS of beings, standing shoulder to shoulder and watching, waiting for… something. I started this blog to discus concepts and theories. I don’t have any idea what this all is, though, or why it’s happening, especially why it’s happening to me of all people. I have no concepts, and… my theories? I’m not quite ready to share them yet.

What do I know? This is all happening with a lot of intention. My daily meditation sessions have gotten very psychedelic. I’ve become just as aware of my energy body as my physical body. This is all way bigger than me, but effects absolutely everyone. We are all way more protected than we think we are—we have to ASK for the protection! Because of the existence of free will, we NEED TO ASK. They can’t help us otherwise. I find a lot of comfort now, in this powerful evidence of OTHER, because y’all? Humans suck.

For the curious, check out the work of Dolores Cannon and her book on the Three Waves of Volunteers. Google things like: the New Earth, starseeds, the shift, and the Law of One (the Wanderers, the harvest).

So, yeah. Good news, angels are real?

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Seer Diaries: The State of the World—Fork in the Road

There are a number of topics I plan to write about on this blog that have to do with my third eye opening. These include seeing the veil between our world and the next; my experiences with negative entities; how to protect yourself from negative entities; my experiences with benevolent and divine entities; and more. Before I get to them, though, I need to set a few things straight about what I see happening in our world, and why. These are things that the larger spiritual community (parts that haven’t been infested with Q-anon—an agent of the Dark that directly targets those it sees working hard for Light) is in whole-hearted agreement on.

My expanding awareness over the past year, as well as my direct encounters with both benevolent and negative spirits has helped form my understanding of what’s happening right now. Many people are searching for answers or an explanation of why so many aspects of our society are failing at the same time.

The convenient excuse for the lower-vibration groups is that it’s all the fault of those who are upsetting the normal order in the name of what are considered foolish attempts to save the lives of others, or to question extreme abuses of authority, or blatant racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia. This old order likes things just as they have been for thousands of years, where the rich, old, white men have all of the power over everyone else, and act entirely out of their own selfish interests at the expense of absolutely everything, including the survival of our planet.

The painful truth is there are a lot of people in this world who are most comfortable when someone in authority is telling them exactly what to do, think, and feel. They enjoy knowing exactly who they should hate and criticize, who to blame each of their problems on, and how exactly to putter mindlessly through their days with no free will or independent thought.

The old order has been in power for far too long, but is finally crumbling. It feeds glutinously off of these sheep-like people who serve their goals. Their sheep never question orders, sometimes not even when their own life is at stake. They’re happily used, abused, and fed to the machine. The sheep are kept small and controllable through heavy-handed use of fear and hate. Divisiveness forbids awakening to truth. It maintains a chaotic populous that’s too afraid to look past the surface of things and band together to overthrow the tyrants causing all of the pain.

But people are awakening. The vibration of the planet and its occupants is rising. We’re overcoming duality and evolving into a place and a people who choose love over fear, and who come together to solve problems rather than hiding and pointing fingers.

This transformation is happening because of the good people in this world, because of the divine energies washing over our planet, and through the assistance of countless benevolent entities.

We’re at a crucial point in the history of the world. There is a fork in the road before us. There are only two ways this can play out. Either we will fail to rise above and lift this plane of existence to a higher level, or we will succeed. If we fail, the old order wins. The earth will become uninhabitable for humans very swiftly, and the game will be over. Any kind of survival that happens will be defined by immense suffering. The authoritarians will have ceased control over the rest, and the effects of this catastrophe will ripple outwards through the universe.

If we succeed, we will save our planet and ourselves. Our society will finally be released from the clutches of the patriarchy, from subservience, from wealth inequality, from the rat race, and from enslavement. Life will be about thriving, creative expression, community, and kindness. The possibilities are limitless.

There are those who are in touch with the other side, who insist this war has already been won by the Light, and we’re just seeing the effects of the battle rippling outward before things settle into place. I believe this is true, but I also believe those who shun the Light will be granted the freedom to exist in Darkness.

We are all of us entirely surrounded by beings who are actively engaged in this struggle between Light and Dark, love and fear, positive and negative. The Light beings are fighting for us to live our highest good. They’re ready and waiting to help, always. The Dark beings are also fighting, but to keep us plugged into its matrix of pain as food.

Before I write my upcoming post about my encounters with negative entities, it’s important for me to convey what their goal is.

We are each born into this world with Light, as sparks of the divine. Our souls are small fractal aspects of God/Source/Creation, or whatever name you prefer to call it. We are unimaginably powerful, immortal, invincible beings of love. We incarnate on Earth because it’s one of the most challenging experiences we can possibly undertake (and things get boring when you exist forever). The density of this world is well beyond the vast majority of the universe. If you think of incarnation as school, and our lives as our lessons, then Earth is one of the most grueling schools out there. It’s near impossible to get the chance to come here, so we’re very blessed to have the opportunities for growth that we do. We can evolve here in leaps and jumps.

But many beautiful souls sign up to a life on Earth only to be overwhelmed by pain and suffering. The negativity here is everywhere and drags down anyone who doesn’t fight hard enough to escape it. This negativity has consciousness. It seeks to feed off of our Light in order to trap us here. We’re like singular sparks of brightness in expansive, pitch darkness, drawing all manner of creatures of the Dark directly to us.

They don’t want us to banish them and save this world from their ruin. They capture us through our egos, and through suffering. But like all vampires, they need to be invited in. We can expel them. We can take back control over our experience, our soul, and our world. In a future post, I will list specific examples on how exactly to do that.

Friends, we’re right at that fork in the road. In fact, some of us have already chosen the path of Light and have stepped onto it. Because we’re still close to the fork, we can see those who are headed down the path of the Dark. They’re still right beside us, but they won’t be for long. There is still time to reach them, to call them back and encourage them to choose the Light for their own sakes, if not for any other reason. Unfortunately, there is no way to force anyone to express their free will in a way they choose not to. We can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. And many, many souls are just fine with enslavement and suffering if it means they don’t need to work very hard at anything.

You will begin to see the effects of this splitting of paths in the people in your lives. Some will have a very easy time of things while others face unimaginable obstacles, challenges, and pain. One person will have their days filled with joy and relative peace, despite what’s going on in the wider world, while their neighbor is in absolute misery. Both timelines will exist side-by-side for a while, until they diverge completely.

Many who are leaving this plane through death now are doing so to continue the fight for good from the other side, where they can thrive and have a greater impact.

Those who are ascending and choosing to evolve their spirit for the highest good will fall into the flow of things. They will be carried to a higher level and given the chance to make an impact through a life that is more peaceful, enriching, and full of possibilities. No matter what happens on Earth, they will be lifted out of suffering because that is what they have chosen.

Those who have sunken deep into pits of fear and selfishness, who refuse to grow or escape their self-made prisons, will get to stay there. The universe is very accommodating. If a soul wants to stay in misery, the universe makes it happen. If Earth doesn’t survive, these souls will be relocated to another, similar place until they finally choose to ascend as well, even if it takes them literal eons to do so.

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been shocked and appalled lately by the fear-driven and ego-driven behaviors of my family and friends. The further we progress through this fork in the road, the more clearly I see people declaring their alignment with Dark or Light. Most people I see are choosing Dark. I believe that is why I am where I am, so I can do my best to infuse Light into this place and these people. We need to each look inward and determine whether our actions are driven by service to self, or service to the good of all.

If you have chosen service to self, you are on the path of darkness. You have declared your fear is more important than the continued existence of everyone else. That you are willing to kill your neighbor or your brother if it means you don’t have to work quite as hard. That’s darkness.

If you’re too afraid of sacrificing your ability to party with friends in order to protect them from suffering and death, you are on the path of darkness. If you laugh at people in pain, saying they brought it on themselves and probably deserve it anyway, you are on the path of darkness.

If you are stuck in a toxic, abusive situation, and are too afraid to do anything about it, even in the privacy of your own heart, even if it means your loved ones suffer because of your weakness, you are on the path of darkness. My parents were monstrous, evil people and not one of my relatives or friends stood up for me to them. I send light and love to all of their souls because I see them on the path of darkness and know it’s totally unnecessary for them to be headed in that direction. But their existence is their own to navigate.

It’s do or die now. Things will keep getting worse for those who need the lesson. Things will get better for those who don’t. It’s as simple as that.

Be conscious of your choices, and what is driving you forward. Be careful of where you invest your energy. If anything in your world feels negative, stay far away from it. Protect your energy. Prayer and mediation work. Loving beings are listening and want to help you. No one but you is in control of what your experience will be. Nothing in this life happens TO us. We only become victims if we choose it. Everything that you experience is a lesson—even the nightmarish catastrophes, and things that seem “unfair”. If you look hard enough, you will see the opportunities for growth. If you decide to get through the pain and come out the other side, you will.

Negativity might already have its hooks in you. It might be the cruel voice inside your head that makes you feel bad. Know that voice is not you. It’s your ego and your painbody. You don’t have to listen to it. You can tell it exactly where to go and expel it from your energy. Again, vampires have to be invited in. Stop inviting them in!

Good luck out there, everyone. Love and blessings.

Posted on

Seer Diaries: Seeing Spirits (Childhood & Daytime)

I have not talked about the things I’m sharing here with anyone besides my husband. As far as I can remember, I never told anyone about these experiences, and still haven’t decided whether I’ll start talking about them in the future. For now, this blog is the sole place I’m sharing them. I’ve been surrounded by outspoken skeptics my whole life and it’s worn me down. At this point, I don’t care whether or not anyone else believes in these things, because they’re starkly real to me and quite a lot to handle psychologically all on your own.

One disclaimer before diving in. I distinguish between spirits and “ghosts”. My gift has manifested differently at various stages of my life, but I do not see ghosts (such as the transparent, full-color, full-bodied apparitions shown wandering hallways in TV shows and movies). I see energy, including conscious energy in the form of spirit. Infrequently, I have encountered the impression of specific deceased relatives and gotten a crystal-clear image of them in my mind (as well as information about why they were visiting), but my experiences don’t play out the way Hollywood portrays. I also want to point out that there’s a lot more out there with us besides formerly alive humans. A LOT more.

I’ve noticed these phenomenally bright spirits show up randomly during the day as I’m doing chores. Suddenly, when I blink I’ll see a blinding light at the edge of my vision. If I’m able to, I then find a darker space in which to close my eyes and check out what’s going on.

It can be frustrating to not know who these spirits are, why they’re visiting me, or why they hang around. I don’t even really understand where they are in space and time in relation to my physical body. They never “come out” from beyond the edges of things like my co-pilots do. At any given point in time there are usually a couple of them on both my left and right, several above me, and sometimes one below. They move around (some more than others). They come out in droves while I’m meditating.

Childhood Abilities

I could see spirits when I was young. Since I wasn’t exactly surrounded by supportive, nurturing loved ones, I kept it to myself and found ways to self-soothe when overwhelmed by this ability. The spirits showed up mostly at night and in the dark. I’d see shadow figures passing through my bedroom like it was Grand Central Station. And I’m not just talking about one or two, but a crowd of them. Too many to count. If I decided to “see the people”, it would switch on and they would be everywhere.

It was terrifying.

If I wondered if I would see a scary face, one would manifest right in front of me like I’d conjured it. Most of the people were all-black figures who walked through walls and the room like they couldn’t see it or didn’t know it was even there. They never interacted with me. The only ones who would look directly at me or acknowledge me at all were the negative, scary ones.

I hated it. My life was already hellish due to having abusive, neglectful parents with severe, untreated personality disorders. Seeing transparent people in my bedroom in the dead of night was the breaking point for me.

So I turned it off. I decided—conclusively—that I “didn’t want to see the people anymore”.

It worked. I stopped seeing them… for the most part. I had a couple other one-off experiences after that.

One of them was seeing a brightly glowing female in long, flowing blue robes with golden hair walk out of my parents’ bathroom, cross their bedroom, the hallway, and then enter my bedroom. Hyperventilating with terror, I yanked the bedsheet up over my head to hide. But I could still see her THROUGH the sheet as she sat on the edge of my bed, looking at me. As an overwhelmed, traumatized little kid, I can’t even explain my level of fear at that point. I blanked out. My memory of it shuts off once I remember her sitting down. Interestingly, she gave off loving energy. She smiled. She glowed like an angel. I’m pretty sure the fear stemmed from the fact that I could still see her through the sheet, proving it wasn’t just my mind playing tricks on me.

In retrospect, I believe she was a benevolent spirit checking up on me.

The older I got, the more I told myself it had all been in my mind and not real at all.

I was wrong.

Several Months Ago: The First Signs Something was Changing

During the pandemic, I’ve spent time meditating every single day. I’ve gone on daily ninety minute walks for months, doing chanting mantras to keep my mind clear and my awareness on the present moment rather than worries. In addition to this, I’ve been doing tons of inner work (journaling, shadow work, speaking to my spirit guides, etc.) in my plentiful free time. The clearer my mind became, the lighter I felt.

Soon, I noticed pressure on my forehead, right between and above my eyes where the third eye is located. This sensation began during the length of my meditations, or even just when I would zone out randomly during the day. It was intense and unmistakable, like someone’s fingertip resting firmly against the skin.

That was the first sign.

Then I began to see things during meditation, when my eyes were shut. It looked like a lava lamp effect of darkness and dim, blue light swirling gently around. It was hypnotic and pleasant to watch. I could follow the movement and it would help keep my mind clear of thoughts.

Next, the air came alive for me. Everywhere, all the time, I see movement in the air. It’s energy. It pulses, shimmers, flickers, and flows. It’s become impossible to tell if it’s raining lightly outside because it always looks like it is to me. This is called “energy rain”.

I began, immediately after each session of meditation, to try and see my aura. I’d un-focus my eyes and see faint colors surrounding my hand. I’d also see fizzy energy—it looks almost exactly like the tiny bubbles that shoot off the top of a freshly poured glass of soda. It’s made of tiny specks of light and shoots off of my skin everywhere, all the time. The specks fly at great speed and travel several feet away from the body, where I tend to lose track of them as they keep going on their trajectories without slowing down. These are part of our energy field, showing exactly how we interact with the world around us in profound ways of which we’re not even aware.

Given all of these little amazements, it was still pretty astounding when I started to notice beings at the absolute edges of my peripheral vision when my eyes were shut. There were two of them—one on each side. I’ve been calling them my co-pilots. I can (just barely) see them from about the waist up, with clearly distinguishable arms, torso, and a head that is always concealed behind a radiating light. At first, I only caught glimpses, but they were always there as (at the very least) a brightly glowing, moving light. They are there twenty-four seven and appear differently than any other being I’ve witnessed. I believe them to be my spirit guides.

Present Day: Daytime Spirits

My co-pilots are still there, all the time. All I have to do is close my eyes to see them. I can even see them with my eyes open in the right circumstances. When I recently went to the dentist for my regular teeth-cleaning, while sitting in the waiting room I got to watch a pair of tiny glowing arms moving around at the outer edge of my right eye.

At night, I see my co-pilots much more clearly when they often “come out”, moving further into my field of vision. Their presence is always profoundly reassuring and not at all scary. I can call on them for protection to place themselves between me and other beings that may have ill intent. It can get awkward when I notice them when I’m in the shower or other moments when we would naturally assume we’re alone. Now I know I’m not! Ever! But I appreciate the reassurance that I’m not on my own and always have support. These guys are very hard at work. They’re always moving and frantically working on things with their hands like they’re piloting a complicated space shuttle (hence the co-pilot nickname).

In addition to my co-pilots, I now see other light beings during daytime hours. They hang out in my peripheral vision. They’re much smaller than the co-pilots, and are just balls of light. They come in a variety of sizes and colors, and pulsate constantly at different speeds and strengths. It’s thanks to their differences in brightness and flickering speeds that I’m able to distinguish them from one another. There are usually around ten of them (more or less) around me at a given time. They move around the edges of things and come and go. I have absolutely no idea who they are or why they’re here. If there is a way to communicate directly with them, I have not yet found it. Thankfully, I usually can’t see them unless I close my eyes. This helps me tune them out while I’m going about my day.

Once in a while I’ll get a visitor who is breathtakingly bright. Again, I notice them with my eyes closed—while blinking or if I shut my eyes for a longer period of time. Think of sitting in a dark movie theater, watching the movie projected onto the screen. Then, imagine someone on the side of the theater switches on one solitary flood light. That’s what it’s like when these spirits show up.

I can say one thing though—I much prefer seeing spirits in lightbeing form to seeing apparitions or shadow figures.

Nothing about these lightbeing visitors is scary for me now. They help remind me to make best use of my time, and to live mindfully, doing the best I can at all times, in all ways. It’s easier to feel motivated when I can literally see my audience watching me. I’m never off the hook or off the clock. Every moment is witnessed.

But I’ve got to say, even with all of the activity I see during the day, it’s NOTHING to what I experience at night.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Suddenly Unlocked Psychic Gifts & Becoming a Seer (Ready or Not!): A Personal Note

I haven’t posted here much lately, and it hasn’t been because of the pandemic, or politics, or social unrest. It may have started that way, but things have shifted. I started this blog to write about what I’ve learned and discovered about the meaning of life. The posts have been about philosophies backed up by my reading and personal experiences, which I felt comfortable explaining.

Since my third eye chakra opened, everything has changed for me. I’ve posted about it a couple of times, but things have intensified beyond my ability to maintain a good grip on them. My daily, constant encounters with the paranormal have given me a hard push into the role of humbled student and overwhelmed observer. I’ve been Seeing so much, so frequently, of such consistent diversity, clarity, and power I have no way to explain it. I can only describe it. I’ve been writing daily in my journal, illustrating what I’ve seen as much as I can (thanks art school!)

This has been going on for several months now. The novelty has worn off. I’ve realized this is my new normal and let me tell you, it’s stressful. It’s been SO stressful, that dealing with the pandemic and widespread social chaos in the U.S. has been a refreshing distraction for my downtime (I’m able to say from my place of admitted privilege and financial stability in the Pennsylvanian suburbs). I’ve been blessed in that I’ve been able to self-isolate basically since last March. My family is healthy and safe. We are able to provide for our needs. We’re incredibly grateful for it.

But, friends, I’ve had a persistent stress-twitch above my right eye for months and am grappling, alone, with a profound existential crisis. I’m married to a total skeptic and my kids are teenagers fully preoccupied with their own lives. There’s no one else in my bubble. It’s just been me and my journal and it’s been hard.

I may start posting again, but if so, it would be to share descriptions rather than explanations. If there are explanations for what I’m experiencing, I have yet to find them (oh, how I’ve looked). All I know is my new Sight is a direct result of my third eye opening, coinciding with a kundalini awakening. This post is a small plea to bear with me if I go that route. I know the skeptical take on all of this. I know how crazy it sounds when I describe the things I’ve seen. That doesn’t make it any easier when the intense visions and physical/emotional/mental symptoms never give me a day off or anyone to vent to face-to-face.

Some things I now experience: access to inner peace; lack of fear; a quieted mind; expanded awareness and ability to take the Observer role when needed or desired; direct, prompt answers to specific questions; mild telepathy; supercharged synchronicity; strong guidance from my intuition; intense and sometimes painful physical symptoms when my prana/chi/life-force is activated during mediation or visions; ability to see spirits; ability to see my guides; ability to see through the veil in a few different ways and strengths; inability to close my third eye (this means I have visions every single night no matter what, even if I try to “ignore” them); interactions with negative entities; Seeing the process of successfully “clearing” negative entities with (much appreciated) help from the other side; physically feeling my interactions with beings from the other side of the veil; interactions with angels; interactions with non-human higher beings (which interestingly are WAY less frightening than human spirits); visions of being surrounded by thousands of spirits.

I could keep going.

Look, I’m not here to convince anyone. Skeptic’s gonna skeptic.

I’m just here as a pretty normal person dealing with a giant helping of what in god’s name is actually happening right now. Yes, I’ve done a LOT of meditating and inner-work during the past year, but come ON.

My spirit team is gentle with me. Last week in particular was really hard and they’ve been easing me tenderly back into the flow of it all. But still. What in the WORLD.

I’m also here to declare (/warn?) that all of this is 100% accessible to anyone interested and determined enough, (whether you like it or not?) I’ve had no formal training at any of this stuff. I’m just really good at following through on a goal when I have one, even if pursuing it explodes my whole life or state of mind.

That’s all for now. Be good to one another. There’s a whole lot of releasing of hate and fear that needs to happen in this world for us to make our way to any sort of normal again. I pray for strength, guidance, and assistance for the Higher ups every single day and highly recommend it to you too, because trust me – they’re listening.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Living with an Open Third Eye

It’s been about two months since my third eye opened. I’m not an expert at any of this, and can only talk about what I’ve experienced, which does not necessarily reflect on what anyone else would experience in this situation. We’re all unique in our expression and perspectives.

That being said, I’ve found so little information about living with an opened  third eye, that I’m moved to put this out there lest it help someone else in a similar situation.

When my third eye opened, it opened for good. Permanently. From what I’ve learned, the only way to close your third eye once it opens is to diligently and completely strip all spiritual practices and any deep thoughts from your life. Otherwise, this is your new normal.

I’m profoundly grateful for all of my experiences, good, bad, and transcendent. I learn something new every day. Every single glimpse through my third eye is filled with awe and brings mind-blowing experiences that challenge me to grow, adapt, and rise.

I have no idea why this happened to me, or why I’m being entrusted with these encounters and processes of transformation. All I can do is surrender with overwhelming gratitude and do my best with what I’m given. It’s painful. It’s stressful. It’s isolating and impossible to talk about with anyone who isn’t also directly experiencing it (and I don’t know anyone who is!). It’s a huge amount of responsibility and changes every single aspect of life and our experience of it. It’s an unmaking and remaking. I have a tattoo of a phoenix but I literally feel like one now as everything I am burns to ash so something new can be reborn.

As you can imagine, third eye experiences are driven by the sense of sight. (Note: I do have some clairaudience, so I do hear aspects of these experiences too, but not as clearly as I see them. Think more in the vein of the unstruck sound). I see things now, day and night, every single day, that you literally would not believe if I told you. Both their consistency and variety is breathtaking. There is no telling what (or who) each moment will bring. At the same time, by approaching my visions with care, reverence, and specific requests for protection and guidance from my spirit guides, I have discovered a benevolence and loving respect in these encounters that I’ve never seen the like of in human encounters.

As someone who has never really felt seen, these make me feel completely seen.

As someone who has never experienced basic respect from the woman who gave birth to me, I now feel totally and utterly respected.

As someone who has always searched for a way to contribute to and help a world filled with those capable of breathtaking cruelty, I feel I’ve been set firmly upon my path.

Honestly, what I experience through my third eye is all so deeply weird but just as reliable in its content, quality, and character as my daily life is as I get up each morning to go to work and spend time with my family doing our mundane chores. I know what the routine is. I know what timing and situations will facilitate the full opening of my third eye. I’ve had lots of practice and tapping into it. I know how to focus, to push through the veil, and to use intuition to control my vantage point. I know who and how to trust, when not to, and how to invoke divine intervention with negative entities.

Day or night, I can always see multiple forms and levels of energy (my spirit guides who are always with me, as well as auras, energy rain, energy currents, etc.), but my third eye is always most open right after the first time I fall asleep each night. For years, I’ve woken up three to four times or more during the night, every few hours. It’s between these wakings that I see the most vividly and receptively, piercing the veil, and what I see is so startling I can guarantee you I’m not dreaming it. At first, the visions would get my heart pounding, my attention fixed raptly. It was just as startling as a bucket of cold water thrown on you in the dead of night, or to wake up at three a.m. with a roomful of strangers watching from the darkness inside your bedroom.

I’ll admit at first it was very scary – a deep, existential sort of terror. The seeing of what can’t be unseen, literally. There is no eyelid over the third eye to block things out. What’s there is there, unescapable.

Luckily, for now, I can only see things clearly with my physical eyes shut, so to get a break, I just need to open them. (Though just as of this week, I can still see through my third eye, through the veil, with my eyes open before I physically get out of bed. That’s when they “leave me be” so I can get on with my day. Like I said, so respectful!)

But that means that nighttime is extra exciting now. Especially with the pandemic raging, being stuck in my house, going to bed each night is the most thrilling experience of my entire life by far. The darkness is not empty – ever.

What I said in my last post is accurate. Do NOT try to open your third eye, especially not just because it’s a cool spiritual goal post or a neat bragging point for your ego. This is a consciousness-level life-shift that should be left to those the universe deems ready to experience it at a natural pace that’s in harmony with their energy level and spiritual development.

One message I am moved to convey to everyone reading this, no matter who you are or where you are in your path, is that you are never, ever alone. At any point of your day, or night, no matter where you are physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, or what you’re doing, I can guarantee you that you have company. A LOT of it. You are observed, and guided, and actively affected in very real ways by the types of beings you attract. And honestly, it doesn’t matter if you believe or not – your company doesn’t care about your beliefs. They’re there with you either way.

What determines what types of beings you attract?

Each of us exists on scale in a spectrum of positive versus negative energy. Everything in existence is energy and this is the way it is measured. Dense versus light. Good versus evil. If you strive each day to do the right thing, to be truthful and kind and work to improve yourself, to enjoy life and express gratitude for your blessings, you attract one type of being. If, however, you are negative, selfish, arrogant, if you lie, if you hurt others, if you have given up and are mired in depression, you attract a very different type of being. The negative beings very literally attach to negative people like parasites. They drag them down and feed on their energy. They hasten the downward spiral.

Conversely, if you are a generally positive person, strive to improve yourself, and try to surround yourself with positivity, you will attract beings who will work very hard to hasten your upward momentum toward a peaceful, joyful, fulfilling life. They wait beside us, always, listening for our requests for help and guidance. They are eager to assist.

The choice is ours, alone, to make.

There is a darkness in this world that is hungry. It feeds on the weak of spirit. It sticks like glue to negative people. It is drawn like moths to a flame to those who shine brightly. The only way to access protection is through clearly defined boundaries, safeguarding of our energy and our space, and requests for higher assistance.

I’m not saying this to scare anyone, but to hopefully shine a light on a truth of our world that every single thought, action, and goal counts in very real ways. Intention matters. I truly believe that if more people understood their actions are always being seen and measured on a vast, cosmic scale, they might behave very, very differently. When we are hurtful (to ourselves or others), we dig a hole in which we trap ourselves, from which no one and nothing can free us apart from our own efforts to improve, heal, and make things right again.

Whenever we are in need of help, all we need do is ask. But you need to ask. You need to humble yourself and ask for intervention and assistance. I promise you, you will get it!

All you need to know as you forge your path forward, no matter what your journey looks like, is: intention matters, you are not alone, there is always help available to you, clearly defined boundaries will save your life and sanity, and most of all… you need to choose either positive or negative. There is no middle, gray area. This is an either or deal! Your actions and subconscious patterns will CHOOSE FOR YOU if you try and avoid the issue consciously, and will likely lead you in a direction you will not want to go. 

There is a massive shift happening in this plane of reality right now. We are not in control of it – we are along for the ride. But this is our last chance to adjust our momentum if we don’t like where we’re headed. Willful blindness, laziness, selfishness, or any fear-driven mindset will send you in one direction and one direction only. The only way to go higher is to put in the work. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

I’m always here if anyone needs to talk.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Third Eye Activation & Opening

The activation and opening of your third eye is something that needs to happen on its own. DO NOT attempt to force it open, especially for ego-driven reasons. When this chakra comes alive, it should be because you’re ready for it and the process begins in a natural way. Leave the Universe/God in charge of this one, folks. There is a lot of ego and fear that should be cleared away from the mind/heart/spirit before you begin to explore this new way of seeing reality.

It’s rare for this chakra to activate and open, though we all have the capability of it happening. There are some who will use psychedelic drugs to cheat the process. But I have heard stories of people who have forced their third eye open only to start to regularly see (for example) massive, dark beings looming over their bed every night and suffer a total mental breakdown. So, again, DON’T FORCE IT. When you’re ready, you’re ready, and your ego is not in charge of that decision. Your spiritual bragging rights are not worth the trauma.

I’d like to share some of my experiences with this chakra. Everything discussed here is completely objective.

HOW IT BEGINS

When the third eye begins to activate, you’ll start to feel pressure on the center of your forehead, between your eyes. This pressure can feel like someone’s using their finger to push at that spot. It’ll feel warm, firm, and constant. It’s hard to miss!

This can happen during meditation, prayer, relaxation, or moments of deep concentration. As things progress, the pressure can start up every single time you even think about your third eye. Lately, I’ve been feeling this chakra activate on its own whenever my thoughts and emotions drift off from center, as a little cosmic “hey, get back on track.” It’s a gentle reminder from Spirit of what’s truly important, that our reality is illusory, and to draw my focus back to where it needs to be.

It will not always feel like a narrow external pressure. It can also feel like something is pushing outward from beneath the skin, from the center of our head. Some have even reported seeing a protrusion form on the forehead. I’ve also experienced, when the eye is opened, a distinct feeling of a sizable gap having opened wide in the center of my forehead. It extends to either side about the same size as an eye would be. It truly feels like an unblinking eye has opened in the brow. You can touch your forehead to reassure yourself everything appears normal. Sidenote: Unlike the crown chakra, which I’ve found you can “shut off” with touch when desired, touching the third eye doesn’t seem to affect its function.

PRACTICING SEEING

Meditation is very useful in flexing this new muscle and welcoming the ability as it makes itself part of your daily life. Find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and wait for inner stillness. Set an intention to activate the third eye. You should then feel the pressure form in your brow as the chakra activates. This can provide a helpful focal point during meditation. The more you focus on it, the stronger it will get.

I also recommend looking around during meditation or quiet moments with eyes firmly shut. The goal here is to practice seeing as if the darkness has depth and space. The more you do this, the more you will see variances in light and dark, as well as movement. There can even be what I think of as a “lava lamp effect”, with a constant, slow swirling and shifting that can be quite hypnotizing. The effect is calming in the same way as watching the tides at the beach.

THE FIRST TIME THE THIRD EYE OPENS

The first time my third eye really opened wide, I was laying in bed at night in a dark room. I realized I could see the room I was in almost the same way whether my eyes were open or closed. I could make out the edge of the bed, the nightstand, the dim light cast up the wall from where our nightlight is plugged in down by the baseboard, the outline of a window and the doorway to our adjoining bathroom. I laid there for quite a while, opening and closing my eyes to compare the two views, transfixed and amazed that I could see my bedroom with my eyes closed!

Of course, when my eyes were shut, I could also see forms moving around our room that I could not see with my eyes open, which was another reason for my state of heightened alertness and curiosity. They were dark like deep shadows, about the size of a person, and moved with similar speed – walking, bending over us, reaching out with arms, moving back and forth.

SEEING THE THIRD EYE

Another strange, particular thing that happens when the third eye opens is you may literally see an eye when you close your eyes, right in the center of your field of vision. Mine looks like a normal eye, with eyelashes, creases around the eyelid, and a shine on the pupil. This eye IS your third eye. It symbolizes the chakra in its active state. When it appears, it can linger for quite a while. I’ve had nights when every single time I rose from dreams and just laid there in bed, the eye was there. It’s persistent! If you see an eye like this, which is distinct and lingers, that’s a great sign your eye is active and opening up.

SEEING WITH THE THIRD EYE

It’s hard to describe the things one sees through the third eye. Mine was very active last night, so I’ll try to describe some things I saw then. I’ve noticed my third eye is most likely to be open in rising from dreams. The thing is, once I open my eyes, it begins to break the spell and the effect fades quickly, but it’s also surprisingly hard to keep your eyes shut when you’re so determined to look around! The instinct to open eyes is a strong one, so I’ve literally used my fingertips to hold my eyes shut while I look through my third eye.

When my third eye is open, I can wave my hand in front of my face (in a dark room, so there’s no backlighting) and see the exact outline of my hand as it moves. It’s fascinating!

Last night I could see a light figure and a dark figure moving around my room. The light figure shone from within, whereas the dark figure beside it was made up of pure blackness. There were distinct heads, shoulders, torsos, and limbs. There were no details within their forms, almost like you might envision a spirit made of pure energy. The funny thing is, these beings tend to notice when I’ve spotted them, and will lean in closer or reach out to me. That’s what these did, as if trying to interact with me or study me as I studied them.

Last week sometime, I woke to find a massive, black skeleton-like figure, at least ten feet tall, looming over my bed. I had just enough time to stare at it and go, “Oh, wow,” before it noticed it had been spotted, spun from its core like a windmill and twirled up and away.

I’ve also seen my field of vision absolutely filled with distinct, crisp black numbers in neat rows, scrolling very, very quickly with the apparition of my third eye hovering right at the center. I can’t even begin to guess at what it meant!

It’s important to note I’ve felt no fear, or any other emotion during these moments. There’s only a profound curiosity and desire to witness what’s happening. I never detect any threat or maliciousness in these presences. That’s why I find it to be absolutely crucial to already be centered and clear (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) before any of this starts to unfold.

The first steps we each must move through in the spiritual growth process are to get our ego-minds under control (rather than existing under its control!), and to process most of our major lessons of growth to clear away the noise and murkiness that clouds our awareness. We must stop seeing only our own mental projections, and practice seeing things as they truly are, without judgment or defensiveness. Fear comes when we craft mental stories about what we think could/is happening. Once we realize these stories are only figments of our own minds spinning and fabricating nonsense, can we release them. Seeing truth requires profound vulnerability and humility. It mandates we understand it’s not about US. We are only a small part of an infinite, intricate whole.

SIDE EFFECTS

You can experience mild headaches, nausea, and dizziness. It’s hard for me to pinpoint which of my physical symptoms are being caused by what, since I’ve been dealing with several different phenomena at the same time (clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, claircognizance, a VERY active crown chakra, and continuing, intentional efforts to confront and process my lingering soul lessons). Because of that, I’ll venture some of my vertigo spells could have been caused by my third eye too, but who knows!

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the experience of working with my third eye and seeing what it shows me. It can be an intense way to discover all of the ways we really are never alone, and how connected we are to the fabric of Creation. It’s one of the highest gifts we can be given by Source. If you find the opportunity to take this journey, it’s because you’ve been trusted to be able to handle it, so be thankful and enjoy the ride.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Whenever Certain or in Doubt, Witness

We witness when we sit down, shut up, and pay attention. I haven’t written a blog post in a few weeks because I knew I needed some time for me to do exactly that. Creating space to quiet our own voice in order to pay closer attention to what Is, is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

What in the world is going on?

The only thing certain is that none of us have the answers. We’re all just trying our best with what we have to work with. If you encounter anyone who DOES claim to have all of the answers—run! When your religion claims to have all the answers? Question it. When your political party claims to have all the answers? Question it. When someone you know is driving you crazy because they insist they have all the answers? Question it!

The ego loves clinging to answers. It loves to be “right”. It loves telling everyone how right it is and getting attention for it.

There’s been a huge influx of toxicity into the spiritual community lately as narcissists and the alt-right use it to drive ego and fuel greed. Question those who use a platform on social media to convince you they should be your guru or wellness expert. Question those who charge you money in exchange for their answers.

Wisdom is free. Your best source of it is within you. You just have to clear away the nonsense piled on top.

And for the record, authentic truth exists in perfect harmony with science. Science is our understanding of nature, and nature is the physical manifestation of the divine. Question those who tell you to fear science and believe in their snake oil answers instead.

Everything you’re certain of is holding you back

The goal in life is not to collect answers and be “right” when we die. In fact, the more answers you hold onto, the more they will hold you back.

The way all of us go through our days is by telling ourselves stories about what we think is going on. When we attach to these stories as “truth”, they act like little boulders tethered behind us. The more ideas we attach to, the more boulders we’re dragging in our wake. If you collect enough of them, you’ll be stuck firmly in place with no way to advance forward until you let something go. The way to peace, happiness, and growth is by releasing our attachments—untie the tether and leave it behind. The goal is NOT to find better attachments. This isn’t a matter of whose boulders are the nicest. The aim is to let everything go.

Life is about learning. We incarnate in order to grow. It’s like a big cosmic school we attend for eighty years or so before going home. Just like in our traditional understanding of school, we get the most out of the lessons when we sit still, be quiet, and pay attention! Stop all distractions. Open yourself to what’s actively going on inside and outside of you. That’s where you’ll find the way forward. Our lives are orchestrated from beyond to place directly in our path everything we need to learn and face. Whatever you need will find you, not the other way around.

Being open and paying attention to the present moment is the ultimate goal. It allows spirit to move through you. It gives you clearer access to guidance from those on the other side of the veil who DO know the best way forward.

We can’t hear the guidance if we don’t hush up and listen for it.

Your inner witness

We are not our bodies. We are not our identities. We are not our minds and thoughts. We are a singular point of divine awareness.

Wherever you are, whatever is going on, there is always a deep part of you in the core of your physical self that is JUST awareness. It’s the Watcher. This essence is your connection to soul. The Watcher is always at peace. It is not at all effected by emotion or circumstances. It doesn’t get involved. It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t draw conclusions. It literally just pays attention and stays centered in peace.

When I’ve experienced road rage, I’ve reminded myself there’s a part of me that doesn’t care at all that some guy tried to run me off the road. This part of me is just silently taking it all it. It notices the anger and all of my scheming thoughts about what I should do about my anger. And it doesn’t care, it just observes.

When I lost my brother to a sudden death, I got better in touch with my Watcher. It was suddenly much easier to just exist and go through things as they happened and not expend any energy about it, but just take things in with a kind of numbness and keep living.

Now, I spend more and more time during my days existing not as my human persona, but as this Watcher. Meditation is a great tool to practice this. There’s no trick to it—it’s just hanging out in the present moment. Notice input from your senses. Focus on breathing. Chant a mantra. Do whatever gets you there.

Things will become profoundly simplified for you if you can shift to being the Watcher. That is the path to prolonged, true, inner peace.

Expectation and certainty will eventually cause suffering. If you can go through life staying in the present moment, taking things as they come without any preconceived ideas about how it’s going to go or what it all means, getting as big a kick out of the craziness of it all as you can while you can, that is the way to have a joyous experience.

The chaotic state of our world

There’s a lot of messed up stuff going on right now. Things are breaking and being exposed for corruption on a huge scale, everywhere we look. This breaking-down is what we need in order to shift to a better existence for all of us, but it’s massively stressful. It’s causing trauma in everyone going through it. But it’s not our job to make sense of it all. It’s not our job to fix anything that big. All we are asked to do is deal with what is directly in front of us right in this moment. Not what’s going to happen in five minutes, or fifty, or in ten years. Just now.

What can you do now? What does your gut tell you is the best way to exist as a loving human right now? Is there a simple way to better serve others? To show kindness or compassion? To show appreciation? To give yourself a break? A lot of times, the person we most need to be kinder to is ourself.

Be here. What can you do here? What does your heart tell you to do here?

Stop looking out at the whole messy world through the lens of screens. Start with your body and your health. How can you show kindness there? Then look at where you are, your space, and the people you share it with. How can you make things better for everyone there right now? What ideas are getting in the way that you can let go?

We all need to work on getting out of our own way. The person responsible for tripping you up in life is you, guaranteed. So, get out of your way. Stop complicating stuff. Deal with what’s urgent. Know your limits. Be kind to everyone, but most of all YOU.

My experience

It’s kind of funny to admit, but I’ve gotten really tired of stories. I’m tired of trying to tell myself what I think is happening, but I’m also tired of listening to others tell fear-driven stories about what they think is going on. As a writer, this has been pretty complicated to deal with. I’ve discovered a reduced tolerance for fictional drama (reading or watching), or current event drama, or social media drama. It could be the way my own trauma is manifesting, but I’m sure everyone reading this can relate to the feeling that just existing on the planet right now is fairly exhausting. Many things suck our energy, so I just don’t want to give my energy away to things that don’t put it to good, necessary use. Instead, I go for long walks. I do puzzles. I make things. I meditate. I journal. I cook.

I’ve successfully let go of a ton of stuff, and it’s left me feeling incredibly free. Now, when I see the temptation to attach to an idea or something that’ll suck my energy, I notice it. The noticing tends to kill the temptation. Because I know it’ll drain my feeling of lightness and freedom. It’ll weigh me down. And I’ve been there, done that. Not interested in going back.

Remaining in a state of open awareness gets us close to the void of the un-manifest. It’s a place of pure potentiality where anything can happen. It’s the gateway to the divine. I find so much ecstatic joy in lingering in this place. Being there is the quickest, most painless route through all the nonsense. I place no expectation on myself. Every moment is a gift and a wonder. There’s a breathtakingly casual, persistent awe.

When intuition leads me to make a choice, I choose the higher path. I direct myself toward the path full of the highest good and most loving version of reality for everyone. I live in hope and faith, and it’s what I honestly wish for everyone else to experience too.

I’ve been meditating at least an hour and a half daily, peppering in briefer moments when I detach and go within for a few minutes at a time to touch base and go back to my center. I encourage everyone to do the same. Anything we do can be a meditation—washing the dishes and feeling bubbles on the skin, smelling the air, feeling the ground under our feet or the clothes on our skin, smiling at someone, saying hello, eating a meal. Simplify!

I don’t have answers for anyone. All I have is input on what’s worked for me in getting to a healthier place. I send it out into the ether like breadcrumbs on a trail to lead those who wish to follow where I have gone, knowing we are all coming from and going to different places.

My increased time being the Witness or Watcher has led me to begin channeling. I’ve had intentional conversations with my spirit guide where I get to ask whatever is on my mind, and have found so much soothing comfort in the clear, loving, surprising responses. It’s been a profoundly moving experience. Please know we are truly never alone and always have our guides with us whenever we need them. They’re waiting for us to let them guide us in whatever ways we need them to, and need only be asked. For anyone willing to do the work involved in opening up to this level, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s magical and transformative!

COVID-19 has required all of us to simplify in many kinds of ways, but my wish for all of you is that simplifying is your gateway to rebirth as a freer, happier soul. Cut some weight loose, search for the inner stillness already inside you, and discover the wonders waiting there.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

What’s Goin’ On: Spiritual Growth in a Time of Chaos

It’s the question I ask every day lately—what in the world is going on? If, like me, you’ve been enjoying a crazy voyage on spaceship Earth, you know what I mean. Whether it’s COVID-19 or police brutality, white supremacists or wildfires, murder hornets or incoming asteroids… there’s a LOT going on. And that’s just the stuff on the surface! Have you been wondering what’s really going on? All of the chaos that has broken out around us is merely a symptom of the real issues and events.

The truth is, we have no way of knowing with certainty what’s actually going on, and that’s the main problem causing so much stress. But there are some secrets everyone has access to that make riding out this rollercoaster more thrilling and less terrifying.

To catch a glimpse of the truth, one needs to first unplug and step outside. Savor the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, the birdsong and blue skies. Can you see it? Do you feel it? How the Earth herself has rejuvenated thanks to our global pause during quarantine? Creation is rejoicing! It’s beautiful out there and every one of us can connect to it even if it’s just from our doorstep or an open window.

I have some solid theories, supported by evidence from trusted sources, about the purpose for all of this nonsense. Take them or leave them as you will, because they are only that—theories.

Each of us has a reason to be here in this current incarnation, at this specific point in spacetime. We have our missions. And I guarantee for the wide majority of us, our missions have nothing at all to do with our day-jobs and daily routines. The lockdown is a gift to break us out of our comfortable circles that we turn around and around in every single day. Stuck at home, forced to detach from our beloved distractions, to stay still and pay attention, we have the chance to take a hard look at our choices. At who we live with and why. At what exactly is making us miserable. At what we’ve been doing repeatedly that we actually hate, or love, more than we’ve admitted to ourselves.

When we step off of our paths, the universe is designed to drop something rough in our way to divert us back to where we need to be. That’s just the way it goes. For many of us, all of these global events and catastrophes are a giant wake-up call. Because the world is changing. We’re rising up to higher levels, and if we can’t get with the program, we’re going to be asked to disembark.

How do we rise? By letting go of that which no longer serves us! By exposing the rot and ruin to be cut away so real healing can begin. That which has been harming us for as long as we can remember is being shown the door. It’s dying. It has lost. All of us have believed in things that it turns out aren’t what we thought. We’ve been foolish. But being foolish isn’t the end of the world, it’s just a chance to start anew.

What do we let go of specifically? Privilege. Selfishness. Intentional ignorance. Cruelty. Institutions built by the wealthy few, for the betterment of only the wealthy few, thanks to the undying labor and suffering of the many.

It’s all going. Clearance sale.

Have you noticed the patterns? How so many countries are being ruled by the same kinds of foolish, hateful narcissists with authoritarian dreams? There’s a purpose to that, just like there’s a purpose to everything in our world. What better way to expose the worst elements of our world than by enabling all of those foolish narcissists to do it for us? They show us what we need to do, and witnessing their crimes gives us the incentives needed to get it done. Yes, even they are a gift! Can you believe it?

That’s what’s going on. We’re transforming, on every level. But the exterior shifting is all due to the guidance of spirit. Now is the time. We’ve pushed it all to the edge, and now as it all seems to crumble to ash around us, the phoenix within finally has its chance to erupt into existence.

What can we do? It’s different for each of us. To find your guidance, you need to look within. You’re not going to find your answers on the internet or the tv or your phone. My best advice is to locate your pain points, and smash them. Explode them. Whatever is freaking you out on the deepest levels—whatever choice you’ve made that’s haunted you endlessly, but you’ve stuck with it because all of these excuses you’ve given yourself—smash it! Get the heck out of there. Make the better choice. Give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen?

Over the past year, I’ve done that. I’ve unraveled my tapestry of pain until only the thinnest fibers were left. I’ve had to un-make myself—this identity that came with this body and personality when I was born into the family to which I was born. I questioned it all, on every level. I let go of every part that hurt. I set that crap down and walked away.

What has it gotten me?

You honestly wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But what the heck, I’ll give you a peek anyway.

I’m no longer afraid. Of anything. My baseline now is a state of inner peace. Sure, I get knocked askew into other emotions on a glorious spectrum, but I can quickly and easily find my way back. I’m fulfilled. I love my life, but more importantly… I love myself. Completely. Utterly. More than anything. And all of those attachments? Released!

What do you do when you achieve inner peace at the age of 41? Where do you go from there?

It’s wild, I’ve gotta say.

Over the past year, I’ve discovered my clairaudience, claircognizance, and (just lately) clairvoyance. Magical, impossible things happen to me all day, every day. I’ve literally manifested my will in ways that have left my husband, the witness, gobsmacked. I see and hear energy 24/7/365. I know when spirits are around. I get clear, decisive guidance whenever I seek it. I glimpse the future.

And I’m not special. At all. This is inside of us—all of us—if we look for it. IF.

But even with all of that, I know it’s not my place to change or “fix” anyone. Even if I can easily see what’s wrong and why and how to fix it, it’s not my place. It’s not my path. I haven’t been writing these blog posts as often because I know now that it’s not about me thinking I have any answers for anyone. I’ve been sifting through the weird and getting my feet more firmly planted, but what is there to say when you have solutions but can’t share them?

We all love our problems. LOVE. They define us. They make us who we are and become our safe place. They’re familiar and we can go around and around the same problem for a lifetime, savoring it, terrified of what would be left if we actually just solved it. I see that happening with the people I love every day.

If I was to suggest the solution, they’d get defensive, because you can’t make someone be ready to heal. You just can’t, no matter how much you might want to. They have to get there on their own, at their own time. We have to just be there to love people through their self-imposed hell. Because the only thing holding any of us back is fear. And fear is hard. It’s the biggest antagonist of our existence.

What’s going on?

A whole lot of fear. A whole lot of chances to shake this whole thing up and make it so much better.

Can we? Absolutely.

Will we?

Time will tell.

Love and blessings, friends. I’m always here if anyone ever needs some heartfelt listening.

Posted on

Embrace Change

People keep saying this is going to change things forever. This virus and this lockdown. And I’ll admit it makes me defensive. It causes an automatic negative reaction in me that I’ve been trying to understand. I witness my instinct to argue with them and say it’s not going to change anything. It’s one virus. Just a few weeks stuck at home. But then I remember that life is about change. The only thing we can guarantee for certain is that everything changes. It always will, no matter what. It’s not something to be afraid of, because it’s how our world works, and how we work. There is comfort to be found there.

The stay-at-home orders are creating an environment of forced introspection for not only only area or one country, but the whole planet. That’s huge. So many of us fill our days with busyness to escape the things we’re really here to do, the lessons we’re here to learn. We avoid and distract ourselves to delirium because we’re uncomfortable with self-scrutiny. It scares us. Why? Because we all know, deep-down that the only things that really matter in this life are the things that come from within. Our experience of life is entirely determined by our attitude, our perceptions, our opinions, and our beliefs. Every single one of us could be dropped into the same circumstances and come away with entirely different experiences of it. The biggest determining factor of what our life will be like comes down to one question only—who am I?

The only way we can possibly begin to answer that question is to spend time within ourselves trying to figure it out. This lockdown is giving us that, whether we like it or not! Who we are, why we are who we are, and what it means are the great mysteries of our time. The duration of our existence in these temporary bodies, in this weird point in history of planet Earth, has only one purpose and it’s not to change the world, or become rich and famous, or play the part of the hero in some fictional epic, but only this: to understand ourselves a little better. No matter how hard Hollywood and storybooks try to convince us otherwise, the truth is we are not the hero of our story. We’re the witness. The observer. The student. Your job and my job is to learn.

An ever-changing reality provides unlimited opportunities to learn. Our world right now is getting smaller, simpler, stranger, as our options of what we can do to fill time is limited. This is the universe telling us what’s going on out there doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t. The world will turn and the sun will rise whether we’re checking the news or not. Trust it to mind itself and instead turn your focus inward. Examine your daily life, your feelings, and your frustrations. I promise that for each of us in our own ways, our actual puzzle to solve right now is not COVID-19 or the stay-at-home order. Those are just the excuses we’re using to avoid our actual puzzles. We talk about the virus or the ways our routine has changed because of it so we don’t have to look at the tougher stuff.

Total honesty: my puzzle is that I have an instinct to fix people and relationships. When two pieces don’t quite connect I fight and struggle to find some kind of way to make them work anyway. I’ll keep doing this until I go crazy from it. It’s the lesson that has spiraled around and repeated in my life in many shapes and forms, over and over again. That’s the thing I avoid looking at. My real work right now is to let go of the need to make things work the way I think they should, to instead let people be who they are, to let situations and relationships be what they are, and accept that the actions, expectations, and perceptions of those I’m most concerned with fixing actually have nothing at all to do with me. I am. They are. We can be together as we are—just as we are—and witness the beauty of it. We don’t need to change anyone or fix anyone. We are who we are for valid reasons. We’re at different stages of growth and change, and the only way we can get to the next stage is to embrace this one and open ourselves to whatever comes.

Change. That’s what is coming. That’s what is so difficult to allow sometimes. We like to be prepared and have consistency. We love our routines and live by them, but that’s not what’s real. That’s not how it works.

People love to predict what they think will happen, but they don’t know. They can’t. Guessing makes them feel more in control when things get scary. They swear up and down that they’re right and they know how things will play out but those are lies built on fear. The truth is we don’t know. We just have to take the ride. Trust in ourselves and in fate. Have faith that nothing happens accidentally, that every thing big and small is intentional and planned for a perfect outcome. This place is not our home. It’s just where we come to learn. Our time here is limited but for good reason. Our only job is to enjoy the adventure of it all as best we can while it lasts, and embrace the knowing buried deep in our spirits that those controlling everything behind the scenes know what they’re doing and have our very best interests at heart. (Hint: the wizard hiding behind the curtain is YOU, your higher self, a co-creator of this world and your life along with all the rest of us as fractal pieces of the same glorious whole.)

This unusual period of time will change us. All over the world, right in this moment, people have too much time on their hands and not enough distractions to avoid the greatest puzzles of their lives. That means more of us will find the solutions and finally see the truth. Eyes are being opened and mass awakenings are happening. The real work is being done, faster than ever before. Broken relationships will feel undeniably broken. The answer staring us in the face that we try so hard not to see will be glaring brightly. Lies will stand out starkly. Fear will be blatant. So will love, and compassion.

We’re not here to earn money, to devote ourselves to the rat race, to accumulate the shiniest stuff, to compete, to win, to change minds, or to flatter our egos with the attention of others. We’re not here to be afraid of anything and hide ourselves away under blankets. We’re not here to live out the same routine every day for decades until we die. All of the things we’re being prevented from doing right now by these circumstances are things we’re not here to do. That’s part of the lesson.

So what can we do? Help others. Show love and compassion. Make human connections in whatever ways we’re able. Feel gratitude as often and in whatever ways we can. Do the hard inner work and figure out what we’ve been trying not to see. Reach a breaking point and leap bravely into the void. Behold the one thing that’s been driving you crazy the most, say to yourself, “I can’t do this anymore,” and mean it. Then give yourself the freedom to make a different choice. Choose change. It’s not a punishment. There really is nothing to be afraid of. It’s the gift we’ve been waiting for in disguise. There is always a different way to do things, another way to see them. We get so stuck in our ways and that’s what hurts us more than any perceived unfairness imposed upon us from outside. We’re the ones hurting ourselves the most.

So stop. Find a new way. Embrace change and see the wondrous places it takes you.

Love and blessings, friends.

Posted on

Overwhelmed? Shift Tracks & Practice Gratitude

Fear, grief, shock—negative emotions like these can be overwhelming. They have a gravitational pull that’s tough to fight against, making it difficult to find peace or happiness. The best way to combat this is by consciously shifting emotional tracks and expressing gratitude.

Any crisis in our lives in which we lose something or someone tends to turn our whole world upside down. Suddenly, nothing feels the same. We find ourself stuck in a world we don’t recognize or relate to, and can’t find the exit. It’s tempting to try and wish our way out, fondly thinking of what it was like just days ago—how normal it was then. The strangeness is just as inescapable as the lure of sadness and fear.

I’ve found myself adapting quicker than others to the upheaval of this pandemic, because—to be brutally honest—all of this feels easier to deal with than when my youngest brother died. I’m sure many of you can relate in your own ways. When a sudden event explodes your emotional life, it teaches you about coping and surviving. You’re then able to tell yourself, “well, I got through THAT, so I can get through THIS.”

Our experiences of this event will be widely varied, but with similar themes. All of us are adapting on our feet and doing the best we can (whatever that means). If you start getting stuck in the muck of negativity, pull yourself out by thinking of what you can be grateful for:

  • Working from home? No more headaches or stress from commuting! Wear soft pants! Have fun defining what constitutes your new “office”!
  • Missing a loved one due to social distancing? How lucky you are you to have someone that great in your life! Reach out in safe ways to connect and tell them how much they mean to you.
  • Stressed about still having to go to work? Know you’re providing something essential to the rest of the world and we are all thankful for what you do! You’re doing important work and are here for a reason.
  • Out of work or not getting paid? The universe has gifted you time! How are you going to use it? What ways can you use to fill your time? Is this an opening to take your life in a new direction? Enroll in virtual classes? Look for work in one of the essential work fields? Choose your path!
  • Your lockdown roommates are driving you crazy? Use the built-in little community of your household to meet your socializing needs when you have them, then find ways to escape: meditating with headphones on and calming music playing; go for a walk if you don’t live in a densely populated area (maintaining social distancing for safety); sit on a balcony or a sunny spot with a cup of tea; read a book you know you love and travel in far-away mental worlds. Consider all your options and delight in your choices!
  • Worried about someone who is sick? Give thanks for everything they’ve added to your life, tell them what they mean to you, and look for ways you can help.

Rather than focusing on what’s missing, focus on what you have

We’ve all lost something over these past weeks, even if it’s just the loss of a familiar routine. That’s a valid reason to have your feelings in an uproar. Own that. Allow it and accept it. Tell yourself, “Yes, things are different now, but…” and then list a few things you are glad to still have.

Get a piece of paper or notebook and write down an actual list of as many things as you can think of. Or, start with the first ten that come to mind and tomorrow list ten more. Make a new routine of it!

The biggest comfort to me after losing my brother was getting lost in warm memories of him. He gave me an incredible hug during one of the last times we were together. When things got tough, I’d imagine I was back there and he was hugging me with all of the love he had for me. It made me feel cherished and grounded. It also reminded me I still have him, just in a new form.

Transitions are tough but humans are resilient creatures. When pressed, we can and do adapt. You might surprise yourself as hidden, as-yet-untapped parts of yourself are awakened by this experience. New strength will form in you and you’ll be better for it.

Let go of everything except what really matters

Crisis forces us to simplify. We have no choice but to re-evaluate our dusty old To Do lists and only tackle what we absolutely have to. You might find when you do this that you’ve been bogging yourself down with too much for no good reason! Simplifying is freeing. It leaves us lighter and more ready for whatever comes next.

Humans get easily attached to things. We love our labels and habits. But the more we attach to, the more we are weighed down. Use this chance to let go of as much as possible. Discover new shapes your life can take, and the newfound joy this process can bring.

Delight in the adventure of it all

Well, if anything we can definitely say life isn’t boring right now! So, take the ride. Go with the bumps, twists and turns. Look at it like you’re a character in a crazy video game or movie and have no say in the plotline. Fight your battles as needed, and then take pauses to laugh at how wild things have gotten.

Each of us are living through historic times. Witness it! Take it all in so you have some great stories to tell after. Allow yourself little moments to go, “can you believe this?!” and then find new comfort in your rest time (watching movies, reading books, doing puzzles, creating art or music, getting projects done, test your hand at writing, etc.)

My brother died almost exactly five years ago and I still say to myself, “I can’t believe that actually happened!” It was so big, so transformative, that the wake of its impact still causes ripples. But for all of the pain his loss brought, it also gave me indescribable gifts that I give thanks for every single day. I learned so much about myself, and grew by leaps and bounds. I found new, deeper ways to appreciate him and the gift his presence was in my life.

It’s awful but true that we don’t really appreciate things until we lose them. The losses you’re adjusting to now, even if temporary and banal, will highlight how blessed you are in surprising ways. I guarantee it! After this, going out to socialize and be with others will feel incredible. We will not take it for granted. We will treasure our health and safety even more. We’ll see with new eyes the value of people versus the value of consumerism and capitalism. This process is connecting us. It’s showing us who we really are and what actually matters in life.

Take the ride. Witness the adventure. Grow from the process.

And, as much as possible, give thanks.

Love and blessings, friends.