Fear, grief, shock—negative emotions like these can be overwhelming. They have a gravitational pull that’s tough to fight against, making it difficult to find peace or happiness. The best way to combat this is by consciously shifting emotional tracks and expressing gratitude.
Any crisis in our lives in which we lose something or someone tends to turn our whole world upside down. Suddenly, nothing feels the same. We find ourself stuck in a world we don’t recognize or relate to, and can’t find the exit. It’s tempting to try and wish our way out, fondly thinking of what it was like just days ago—how normal it was then. The strangeness is just as inescapable as the lure of sadness and fear.
I’ve found myself adapting quicker than others to the upheaval of this pandemic, because—to be brutally honest—all of this feels easier to deal with than when my youngest brother died. I’m sure many of you can relate in your own ways. When a sudden event explodes your emotional life, it teaches you about coping and surviving. You’re then able to tell yourself, “well, I got through THAT, so I can get through THIS.”
Our experiences of this event will be widely varied, but with similar themes. All of us are adapting on our feet and doing the best we can (whatever that means). If you start getting stuck in the muck of negativity, pull yourself out by thinking of what you can be grateful for:
- Working from home? No more headaches or stress from commuting! Wear soft pants! Have fun defining what constitutes your new “office”!
- Missing a loved one due to social distancing? How lucky you are you to have someone that great in your life! Reach out in safe ways to connect and tell them how much they mean to you.
- Stressed about still having to go to work? Know you’re providing something essential to the rest of the world and we are all thankful for what you do! You’re doing important work and are here for a reason.
- Out of work or not getting paid? The universe has gifted you time! How are you going to use it? What ways can you use to fill your time? Is this an opening to take your life in a new direction? Enroll in virtual classes? Look for work in one of the essential work fields? Choose your path!
- Your lockdown roommates are driving you crazy? Use the built-in little community of your household to meet your socializing needs when you have them, then find ways to escape: meditating with headphones on and calming music playing; go for a walk if you don’t live in a densely populated area (maintaining social distancing for safety); sit on a balcony or a sunny spot with a cup of tea; read a book you know you love and travel in far-away mental worlds. Consider all your options and delight in your choices!
- Worried about someone who is sick? Give thanks for everything they’ve added to your life, tell them what they mean to you, and look for ways you can help.
Rather than focusing on what’s missing, focus on what you have
We’ve all lost something over these past weeks, even if it’s just the loss of a familiar routine. That’s a valid reason to have your feelings in an uproar. Own that. Allow it and accept it. Tell yourself, “Yes, things are different now, but…” and then list a few things you are glad to still have.
Get a piece of paper or notebook and write down an actual list of as many things as you can think of. Or, start with the first ten that come to mind and tomorrow list ten more. Make a new routine of it!
The biggest comfort to me after losing my brother was getting lost in warm memories of him. He gave me an incredible hug during one of the last times we were together. When things got tough, I’d imagine I was back there and he was hugging me with all of the love he had for me. It made me feel cherished and grounded. It also reminded me I still have him, just in a new form.
Transitions are tough but humans are resilient creatures. When pressed, we can and do adapt. You might surprise yourself as hidden, as-yet-untapped parts of yourself are awakened by this experience. New strength will form in you and you’ll be better for it.
Let go of everything except what really matters
Crisis forces us to simplify. We have no choice but to re-evaluate our dusty old To Do lists and only tackle what we absolutely have to. You might find when you do this that you’ve been bogging yourself down with too much for no good reason! Simplifying is freeing. It leaves us lighter and more ready for whatever comes next.
Humans get easily attached to things. We love our labels and habits. But the more we attach to, the more we are weighed down. Use this chance to let go of as much as possible. Discover new shapes your life can take, and the newfound joy this process can bring.
Delight in the adventure of it all
Well, if anything we can definitely say life isn’t boring right now! So, take the ride. Go with the bumps, twists and turns. Look at it like you’re a character in a crazy video game or movie and have no say in the plotline. Fight your battles as needed, and then take pauses to laugh at how wild things have gotten.
Each of us are living through historic times. Witness it! Take it all in so you have some great stories to tell after. Allow yourself little moments to go, “can you believe this?!” and then find new comfort in your rest time (watching movies, reading books, doing puzzles, creating art or music, getting projects done, test your hand at writing, etc.)
My brother died almost exactly five years ago and I still say to myself, “I can’t believe that actually happened!” It was so big, so transformative, that the wake of its impact still causes ripples. But for all of the pain his loss brought, it also gave me indescribable gifts that I give thanks for every single day. I learned so much about myself, and grew by leaps and bounds. I found new, deeper ways to appreciate him and the gift his presence was in my life.
It’s awful but true that we don’t really appreciate things until we lose them. The losses you’re adjusting to now, even if temporary and banal, will highlight how blessed you are in surprising ways. I guarantee it! After this, going out to socialize and be with others will feel incredible. We will not take it for granted. We will treasure our health and safety even more. We’ll see with new eyes the value of people versus the value of consumerism and capitalism. This process is connecting us. It’s showing us who we really are and what actually matters in life.
Take the ride. Witness the adventure. Grow from the process.
And, as much as possible, give thanks.
Love and blessings, friends.