Author: Bec

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Judgement is a Roadblock to Happiness

What is judgement, really? How can we best understand it in order to avoid being controlled by it? We are more powerful than the instinct to criticize. We’re not helpless to succumb. Judgement is us choosing to tell ourselves, “you should feel bad because______.” We’re making the choice to inflict pain on ourselves, rather than choosing joy. We’re taking a weight onto our back to carry around and cause us misery, for no good reason. Being upset about some perceived slight does not fix any problems. It does no good.

That being said, there’s a weird mental circle I find myself getting stuck in over and over again. It goes something like this:

  • All of us as souls are equal. No one has more value or is “better” than anyone else.
  • We each have different perspectives and tools to work with. Our definition of what the “best” thing to do in any given situation is always unique.
  • Everyone is always doing what feels best to them, given their circumstances and perspective.
  • If everyone is equal, everyone is equally capable of understanding right vs. wrong. Everyone is equally able to choose right vs. wrong. (This is the most subjective part of this circle, admittedly, but I stand by the idea that we all are capable of choosing love over suffering.)
  • When someone chooses wrong, we should not judge them for it. We’re all at different stages of growth and learning, and should not compare ourselves to others.
  • When we see suffering because of a “wrong” choice, we should react with compassion, and remind ourselves we don’t know the full story behind what’s happening and why.
  • How do we resolve the truth of equality with the existence of so much suffering, especially when we see others actively creating suffering?

On the broader scale, how do we avoid judgements like, “I’m better than this person who has chosen to kill others”? Or “I’m better than this person who has hurt children”? If someone commits monstrous crimes such as murder or child abuse, how do we abstain from judgement and instead choose compassion?

Honestly, the only way I can answer that question is to point out that any time we choose to cast judgement, we’re choosing to carry a weight on our back. We’re choosing pain over joy. Our pain due to someone else’s actions does no undo those actions, it only spreads more pain. Our bad feelings do not affect the act that caused those feelings. If we can instead choose compassion for those choosing pain, and find ways to promote love and growth instead, we’re making an active difference. We’re contributing love and joy instead of more pain.

To give you a more specific example, I struggle with judgement of my neighbors. I live in an area where there are many elderly residents in large (mostly empty) houses. These people are increasingly incapable (physically or financially) of maintaining their property. They also don’t want to sell and move to someplace more manageable because they prefer the status, independence, and privacy of a big house. The result of this is that many, many old-growth trees in my neighborhood have been chopped down over the past few years. My neighbors prioritize their pride and personal comfort over the lives of beautiful creatures who’ve been around for hundreds of years.

Yesterday, one particular neighbor had a tree crew armed with chainsaws, hacking away at a pair of ancient trees the size of a seven-story building. I’ve spent many days admiring the beauty of these trees. I love them as much as I love some people. But this neighbor lives in a big old house by himself and it’s taxing to rake leaves every fall. I’ll admit to being overwhelmed with anger at this neighbor in that moment as the chainsaws were roaring. I was angry for a solid hour or two, going to the gym to use my feelings as fuel. The next day, I saw that those trees were still standing—they were just awkwardly shaped and missing several large branches which had been overhanging power lines. This showed me I’d carried my anger and tainted what would have otherwise been a joyful afternoon, for what? Nothing. My anger didn’t help the trees. Even if the trees had been completely removed, my anger would not bring them back.

If, instead, I had compassion for my neighbors because it’s a burden to take care of a piece of property, especially as we get older and less able to conquer physical tasks, and with a limited budget, my support would have made more of a difference. I could have offered to help them rake leaves. I could have chatted with them to show my affection for them as fellow humans trying to do our best in this small corner of the world. Promoting understanding and fellowship is a happier route than being quietly bitter about an imagined crime.

Every day of our lives we’re given choices. We’re faced with challenges. We have the freedom to do what we think is right, and the consequences are ours to face. That is unavoidable. So the best we can do is try to understand the ramifications of what we do, and to always try to choose joy and love over suffering. We’re all in this together. Helping one another also helps us help ourselves, and will progress us farther towards a happier world than creating divisions of judgement.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Trap of Trying

At the heart of Buddhism are the Four Noble Truths. The first is that suffering exists in life. The second truth is that this suffering is caused by selfish craving and personal desire. The implications of this truth are at the heart of what I want to focus on today, because this is really the key to finding—and maintaining—happiness.

In our world we are taught to expect life to go a certain way. Selfish craving and personal desire are behind so many aspects of how we choose to live our lives. We’re trained that there’s a specific formula to success, which includes things like college, a career path in which we attain power and wealth, a grand home and impressive cars we own, filled with a beautiful spouse and perfect children, then a happy, healthy retirement of leisure. These become subconscious entitlements we carry around in the depths of our being. When we fail to attain them, we criticize ourselves for it. We feel it as a profound failure.

I’m here to tell you that this false formula to achieving the “correct” life is not real. We are not here in these lives at this time and place in order to coast through some weird fairytale version of existence where nothing goes wrong, and people don’t ever encounter failure or diverge from the one acceptable path. That’s total and utter nonsense.

What is life all about then?

Life is about learning.

But, learning what? That’s the key.

Your higher self knows why you’re here. Your conscious mind is not born with this knowledge. It’s hidden from you. We’re here to discover our path and our purpose.

How do we do this?

By listening to our heart, our soul, our emotions, and our intuition. Our higher self and our guides communicate to us through these four things. In the course of our life, in normal day-to-day reality, we encounter challenges of all shapes and sizes. Some are banal and others are momentous. When faced with them, all we can do—all we need to do—is our best. Give your best effort. Take each challenge as it comes, and focus only on it. Let everything else go. This is the way to progress and rapid learning.

The biggest way we trap ourselves, diverting from our true path and wasting so very much time, is by trying. Our mind—fueled by ego and fear—prompts us to worry about what we think we really should be doing instead of what comes naturally. It presents these weird ideas to us about what our life should look like, what we should do to earn the respect and admiration of others, and hypnotizes us into believing in mirages.

It’s so easy to find you’ve stepped off your path and into a labyrinth with no end. I’ve done it so many times. I’ve been convinced that only through satisfying other people (people who are impossible to satisfy), will I ever have worth. I’ve believed that only through grueling, endless, exhausting work for little reward would I ever get to my goals.

Have you ever given so much of your energy to a goal or task, only to feel like you’re just pouring yourself into a bottomless pit? Feeling that you never get where you wanted to go and it all feels like a waste?

This is your clue that you’ve been caught in the trap of trying. Once you realize you’ve trapped yourself, the good news is that all you need to do to escape is to STOP TRYING. It’s so easy! I promise.

The things that are meant for you in your life will find you whether you look for them or not.

Go back and read that sentence again, but really absorb it. You cannot avoid your lessons. They’re the whole reason you’re here. (Even when you get diverted with trying, your lessons sit there waiting for you until they can get your attention. They will keep trying to get your attention in bigger and bigger ways. This is the spiral of fate; the fractal reality of our existence.) Whether in the form of people or of goals, if something is meant for you, it will land right in your way. If you’re meant to do something, your heart will tell you so. You will fall in love with an idea and chasing it will not require any sort of trying—the idea and the path to manifesting it will come naturally and easily to you.

We waste years, sometimes decades of our lives chasing things not meant for us. You have to let them go. Your happiness is not in finally catching them. Even if you do catch them, you will be disappointed in what you find. This is why people who become suddenly wealthy or famous are so miserable. The reality behind the mirage is not the paradise they expected.

But you can find your paradise. It probably looks unlike anything you expected. Don’t listen to what other people say your life should be, or what your happiness should be. The only one who knows what you are meant for is you. Listen to your gut. Follow what you love. The things and people you’re naturally drawn to, the things you enjoy without any effort at all, are what will lead you to your bliss.

Living a good life does not mean working yourself to death doing things you hate, or winning the battle of whose grass is greener, or spending all of your time around people who make you miserable. You’re allowed to make your own choices. They probably look nothing like what other people are choosing, and that’s okay! We each have unique paths, specially tailored to our needs and our particular stage of development. We’re here to learn different things. You need to do what’s best for YOU.

Whenever I start to worry “I should be doing x”, I stop and ask myself why. Where does that “should” come from? If it comes from fear, I stop myself instantly and let the worry go. Love will never cause us to worry. If you follow love, your heart, and your joy, it will never steer you wrong. Don’t follow fear. It’s lying to you. It will trap you, causing you to spend too much time suffering when you could be experiencing peace and fulfillment.

You can let life be easy. The work you’re meant to do will not feel like work—it will be a pleasure to do. It will feel right and effortless. You can trust the universe to take care of you. You have angels by your side, always, trying to guide you in the right direction. They know the best route to take because they have a better perspective. Please, trust them. Let go of trying and do what feels right instead. Because of free will, we have the ability to go down the wrong path. You can choose to ignore your guides and get lost in trying. An entire lifetime can slip through your fingers that way.

Find some quiet time today, sit with yourself and consider whether there’s something you’ve been trying to do out of fear. Find just one thing, and try giving yourself permission to stop doing it. Make a different choice that makes you feel lighter. Let the outcome of that experiment show you what’s possible, and keep going from there.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Let Your Emotions Point to Your Life Lessons

So far, all of my posts on this blog have stemmed from things I’ve learned from others. Today, I want to talk about something I’ve discovered solely on my own.

We all have our emotional triggers. These are things that set us off, inducing anger or sadness, joy or excitement. Everyone’s emotional response mechanisms are different, and if you really, really pay attention to yours, you can learn a whole lot about yourself.

I don’t like having negative emotional triggers. When something causes a runaway flare of anger in me, it makes me want to understand why so I can figure out how to shut that down. The progression of my daily life these past three years is proof we can choose happiness if we set our minds to it. After I chose to be happy, no matter what that meant or what changes would need to happen to accomplish that goal… you know what? It actually worked. I saw immediate transformation. But choosing happiness means doing the hard work of figuring out how to overcome negativity.

Our emotions are messages we send to ourselves. They’re there for a reason. They’re a type of code sent just for us to translate and in which we’ll discover hidden messages. Why do certain things make you happy? Why do others make you upset? What’s really behind that? Our negative emotions point to places within our souls that are in need of healing. That’s why you’ll often see in spiritual literature the suggestion to try to appreciate people and situations that cause problems in your life, because they are teachers sent to help us heal, learn, and grow.

This is good advice, but what is the process between understanding someone you dislike is a “teacher” and actually learning from them rather than just becoming angry in response to them? How do you get from point A to point B? I haven’t seen much of an explanation of this in my reading, but today I had quite an AHA moment that provided what I’ve been looking for.

Real talk: my most stubborn emotional trigger is people who play the victim and foist all responsibility for their choices onto those closest to them. I’m telling you, it drives me out of my mind. I feel sometimes that I’m surrounded by people like this, whether they’re narcissists who love to make scapegoats responsible for their emotional state, or the woe-is-me types who refuse to help themselves even in the most dire circumstances, or the perpetual children who never seem to grow up and take charge of their own lives.

I know these people drive me nuts. But… why? Why do I have this switch inside me that gets so easily flipped? Not having control over this aspect of myself is a weakness. I give those people power over me, losing a portion of my energy to them rather than staying calm and centered. Being vulnerable can be a good thing, but not when a vulnerability causes you to frequently banish happiness and ruin your mood.

Something I know about myself is that if I dig at something long enough, with enough focus, I can figure out more about it. I can unearth what’s beneath it and study my findings. Understanding something in detail—what causes it and why—helps me detach emotion from it.

The real question here is not “why does this thing upset me” but “what CAUSES this thing to upset me?” You probably already know WHY something upsets you. I know I do, and can rant away about it to whomever will listen. But getting hold of the CAUSE of this response is the real key.

What in your past installed this weird button inside you that is so easily pushed? How can you dismantle that button so when people go pushing away at it, they don’t automatically gain control over your happiness?

I’d recommend trying to talk it out with a caring friend, a loving partner, a therapist, or a journal. Let yourself go on and on about what is upsetting you, but try to focus in on where that feeling comes from. When did you first feel this way and why? Look at that. Search beneath it. Step back and search for the fractal patterns in your pain. What are the repeating themes? Where do things connect? Trace back from that spot. Look all around the root of it.

In an email conversation with my husband, going back and forth for hours, I finally found what I was looking for. First, I was able to understand the various branches of upset that all linked together inside me, stemming from a broader kind of trigger. I saw that in my head and heart, there are the “caretakers” of the world, and those who demand to be taken care of, no matter what it may cost the caretakers in the process.

Having gotten that far, I dug deeper and saw that because my parent conditioned me with guilt-riddled statements like, “Well, it’s your JOB to take care of them,” I began to resent, long ago, the declaration that I would always be someone else’s servant. Then, having delved so very deep, I looked all around at that place and saw my dearly departed younger brother, whose whole tragic life was utterly ravaged by this same conditioning. Drugs, toxic marriage, awful jobs, a mountain of emotional labor—it crushed him slowly before he died. All because he grew up with that whisper in his ear, that it was HIS job to do emotional and practical labor for others, no matter what.

My anger is there for my brother, and it’s there for me.

And, you know what? Now that I see all of that, I get to say to myself that it’s okay, you can stop. You get to say no. This internal struggle can end here, right now. I can set this whole weight down and walk away from it, leaving it behind as I continue on my way. I can enfold that little girl I used to be and that lost little boy in my heart and tell them that it was never actually their job to do all of that. That just because someone else made us feel like we had to carry this weight, doesn’t mean it’s true, or right. I tell them that just because they worked so hard for so long at something, doesn’t mean it was wasted time, and it’s not too late to make a different choice. Guilt carved the wound but love can heal it and build something new in its place. Something better.

These are lessons no one else can teach us. We can only decide to look deeply within ourselves and take on the challenge on our own. No one knows you like you do. No one can save you the way you can save yourself.

This is your biggest task in life. Really. Understand yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Never stop trying to grow and improve. Tackle those icy fears in your heart and melt them away. Find the cracks in your soul and mend them with love. What is more important than that? Money? Status? Adoration? No, because when you’re already full and whole within, you don’t need the external to compensate for anything.

I challenge you today to start this work. It might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it will produce the biggest rewards, guaranteed. Do yourself the favor. I give you the permission you’ve been waiting for to set all of that weight you’ve been carrying down and breathe. Rest. Recover.

If I can do it, so can you.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Everything Counts. Everything is Seen.

A recurring message in many circles of the spiritual theory world is that everything we do, every thought, every feeling, counts. This comes up with NDEs, past life regressions, energy healing, religion, psychic mediums, and so much more. That means not only is every bit of our mental and physical activity noticed and recorded permanently in our energy, but that we will be held accountable for each tiny way we choose to exist. In a way, thought-crime is a real thing.

I use this fact as a touch-point for myself every day, because I struggle with it constantly. I’ll admit to having a temper when pushed, and a stubborn instinct to crave justice. I have a really hard time seeing someone treat others cruelly, or just with complete carelessness, and not judge them for it. Even though I know we have no way of knowing what others are going through, or where they come from, some things just crawl up from the pit of my stomach with frustration and an inner flash of, “how could you DO that?” There’s plenty to get upset about on the world stage and political arena right now, but I have just as much trouble “letting go” of things like a co-worker who’s consistently late every single day with no consequence or obvious inkling of regret. How do you stop something from driving you to judgement? Where is the healing point within to quell the urge? I’m still figuring it out.

I’m currently reading Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Caroline Myss, which is all about understanding how our energy bodies work, how our choices impact our health, and how some of the world’s major religions support these ideas. The author explains how our actions are recorded in our energy, and how this process is echoed in ideas like karma and the Christian cycle of sinning/confession/forgiveness. She calls us to learn about the organized, logical ways our choices directly impact our health through the chakras, how energy levels and signs of stress can be precursors to illness. For example, the decision to manipulate others can lead to exhaustion and physical pain, which can lead to serious illness or even death if steps are not taken to move instead toward healing. The more we understand the ways these consequences work, the more we’re able to heal ourselves and correct our behaviors for our own benefit. We can take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing in very real ways. The way we interact with the world can determine how well our bodies function. This is because our bodies are directly informed by the energy running through them.

But the part of all of this that sticks with me as something I wish others were more aware of, is how even the small choices we make—the private thoughts and rationalizing as we read the news, the fleeting encounters with strangers on our way to work, our bad habits, our indulgences when we think we’re alone, the ways we care for or neglect ourselves—help determine our spiritual health.

But not only that. We’re always being observed. Nothing we think, do, or feel is private. We’re part of the energy of creation, connected at a fundamental level to all living things in this world and beyond. Our vibrations shiver outward into the universe. We’re surrounded by guiding spirits and higher beings. They see all of this stuff. Every bit of it. Don’t kid yourself—if you pay attention to your gut feelings you’ll find signals telling you you’re never really alone.

Every embarrassing thing you’ve ever done—sexual fantasies and daydreams, the guy you flipped off in traffic when he cut you off, the harm you privately wished on someone who hurt you—it counted. It was noticed. It’s hard not to freeze up and tumble into fear when you really think about it. Listen to your regret. Feel your feelings and be guided by them, always. But also know that those who guide our Souls do so with the utmost compassion and purest, most unconditional love. They want us to succeed. They’re constantly trying to help us walk the best path so we can accomplish our mission in this life and fulfill our soul contract.

Sometimes I try to imagine that “aha” or “oh crap” moment after death when people realize that despite everything they’d believed, there IS more, that we DO go on, and there is nothing secret. That we don’t get a pass for any of it. There are no excuses, and when it’s all said and done we’re our own harshest critics.

That’s why I wish we all thought about this quirk of existence more often. I try to let it inform the way I go through my day, to stop me short when I have a flare of anger or annoyance. To not only have the instinct to think “I’m going to regret this later” before acting or getting lost in negative thought patterns, but to live with more compassion and kindness in all ways so there is no reason for regret at all.

We are all human. We can’t escape that. But maybe we can redefine what it means to be human. Maybe we can become people who are not only kinder to each other, but to ourselves—even when we think no one’s watching.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Importance of Letting Go

Do you want to release stress? Escape suffering? Relinquish sadness? Find happiness? Discover your true path in life? Get in touch with your Higher Self and the universe’s greatest hopes for your ultimate purpose? It’s not difficult to do these things. We make things much more difficult than they need to be, to say the least, wasting lifetimes for no reason. You can achieve all of these things with one simple action—the simplest thing in the world.

Let go.

Sounds so easy, doesn’t it? It is. I promise you it is. The only thing standing in your way is not the unfairness of the world, your situation and circumstances, or anyone else. It’s YOU. But you are the only one in control of what you do, so this is within your power. You can heal yourself. You can save yourself. You can empower yourself.

Our emotions are the way our Soul and Higher Self communicates with us, so it is important to feel our feelings, but then we need to let them go and move past them. Learn the lesson they’re pointing you toward, and then keep moving forward.

We hold on to so much—ideas, assumptions, prejudices, family, friends, lovers, jobs, material objects, standards of beauty and success. We build up these castles of air in our heads, telling ourselves if we don’t achieve our weird inner perfect vision of the way our life is supposed to be, of what WE’RE supposed to be, we are failing. This is all just fear. It’s hot air and nonsense. They’re ways we cling to ego in sacrifice of our joy, our true potential, and our connection to Soul.

You need to let it all go. All of it. Hold on to nothing.

What does that mean? Have you heard the saying, ‘if you love them, let them go?’ People and things that are meant to be in your life will be in  your life. You don’t need to hold them there, captive to your will. If they really love you, they will stay and love you. Or maybe they will leave and love you, and that’s okay too. We each have a path to walk and it’s not our place to tell someone else what their path is. Our only job is to love them, despite their choices. 

You are not in charge of what/who is in your path. Maybe it causes you pain to hear that, but I urge you to see it as a blessing. Your path is predetermined. Your ego doesn’t call the shots. If someone is meant to be with you on your journey, they will be with you on your journey. If an achievement is meant for you, it will happen. Sure, hard work and focus is required. You need to set your intentions. But please stop chasing things not meant for you to have.

In this life, all we are required to do is have faith, and be the vessel for the universe’s plans for our destiny. Existence is like a flowing river. When you cling to rocks you see as you’re swept along its path, you drown yourself as the water sweeps over you—its will more powerful than your own. Stop drowning yourself by clinging to things. When you let go, and let the water carry you to your intended destination, things become so easy. You become in tune with all of creation. You stop worrying, stop suffering. You find joy and peace in every single moment—no waiting, no chasing required. You have happiness NOW.

You have guides guiding you, right now. They’re trying to open your eyes to things. They’re trying to help you help yourself progress. If you cling to things and plug your ears, you won’t hear them and you’ll waste your time and energy. Free will means you have that option. You’re able to waste all of the time in the world, life after life after life, but is that what you really want? Or do you want to stop hurting? Do you want to make the most of every moment and enjoy everything along the way?

Let go.

Let go of who you think you are. Let go of who you think is supposed to be by your side. Let go of all of the things society tells you you should be and have. Open your heart. Fill yourself with faith and just float along the river with ease. If you make space in your life, the universe will notice. It will see you’re ready and send good things your way. It can tell if you try to listen for guidance, and it will send you guidance.

It’s not complicated. It’s not a trick. You’ve tied knots in yourself trying to be things you weren’t mean to be, for the sake of mistaken notions of what everyone else expects you to be. Who cares what others expect you to be? Honestly? It’s YOUR life. It’s YOUR destiny. When you die and pass on, you are the one who will carry your karma with you to the next life. You will be the one standing before your guides and the higher spirits, having to answer for your choices. When you are in that moment, will you be proud of yourself and your efforts? Or will you be embarrassed at having invested your energy in so many things besides love?

You don’t owe anyone achievements or a glamorous lifestyle. You don’t owe them a family that looks perfect on the outside, even if it means your soul is rotting on the inside. You’re better off as a loner who is strong and filled with self-love, than surrounded by people who don’t care about you and drain your energy.

Let go.

I’m going through this process myself. I have let go of many things over the course of my life, and now I can’t begin to tell you how easy life has become. But still, I find things constantly that I can let go of, that have been weighing me down and burdening my spirit. When all you have is love, people will feel it. They will seek you out and support you because you’re filled with love. You will make a bigger, better impact on the world. The universe will take care of your needs and take you exactly where it needs you to go. It’s probably not where you ever would have planned to wind up—not in your wildest dreams, but that’s the whole point of adventure. Don’t limit yourself by tying yourself down. You have so much farther to go, and wondrous things to see. You can do it. I believe in you. I know it’s scary to see things fall away that we’ve comforted ourselves with for so long. But everything you will ever need is already inside you. You don’t need to go looking. It’s already there. Waiting for you to notice.

You are stronger than you know, and more beautiful than I could ever say. You’re perfect just the way you are. Everything about you is intentional and given to you by wise, loving beings who only want you to succeed. There is no need to be scared. Just trust. Let all of the nonsense go and see how much lighter you become.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Importance of Having Connection to Soul

This is going to sound super easy—too easy—and that’s because it is. Us humans complicate things for ourselves unnecessarily. We spend our whole lives searching the world for happiness, love, and ways to define ourselves, proving who we are through accomplishments, money, fame, and the quality of our possessions. There’s a reason why so many search futilely for these things in the world around them.

Happiness can’t be found outside of ourselves; it has to come from within. Love can’t be found outside of ourselves; it has to come from within. Our sense of self can’t be found outside of ourselves; it has to come from within.

Are you seeing the pattern, here?

No one can give you happiness, or make you feel love, or provide you with a sense of self; you have to find them within. You have to do the work.

Our soul is our connection to our Higher Self. It’s our connection to the Source of all Creation. It’s our cosmic GPS system, telling us where we need to go as we navigate our path. It’s our everlasting connection to home. It’s made up of love, and comes from the Source of all love. Everything we need—EVERYTHING—can be found through our connection to our soul. Love, happiness, contentment, purpose, comfort, guidance, identity, passion, peace are all to be found solely (haha, get it?) through it. You can search in vain for lifetimes for these things in the external world. So many of us do. Please, let me spare you wasted centuries. All you need is already inside of you—you just have to stop and be courageous enough to really look behind all of the nonsense and excuses that get in the way.

The souls in our earthly bodies are fractional parts of our total soul energy that we’ve taken with us into this current, temporary incarnation. It’s a fragment of our Being, which would be way too powerful to be contained in its entirety within a physical form. The fragment that we send is a specific part that requires healing—this is our purpose. We’re here to learn and grow to heal this particular aspect of our soul.

The characteristics we bring into our life are the ones that will suit our purpose best. You remain constantly connected, 24/7, to the rest of your soul energy while incarnated. In fact, our soul is our primary guide, using its boundless knowledge to keep us lovingly on course. We are never, ever alone, at any moment, because we always have our soul, and through it our many guides and angels. Our guides and our soul want for us to care for ourselves more, to put love ahead of fear, and to recognize our lessons so we can make progress with them. They do not judge, and have endless patience, but you only help yourself when you set guilt, remorse, and shame aside in order to face the biggest problems set in front of you.

Unfortunately, there are many around us that have lost their connection to soul. They’re driven by mind (ego) instead of heart (soul). They’ve gone so far down the path of fear that they cannot hear the guidance of their soul anymore, or feel its love. They have a great void inside where this love should be, and isn’t. Rather than trying to heal themselves, they try to fill this void with the attention of others, and with material things. Social media propagates this. Our materialistic, personality-driven culture propagates this, to our collective detriment.

Some of the most dangerous people in this world are those without any connection to their soul. They feel no remorse for what they do, nor empathy for those they hurt. In fact, the rest of us don’t really exist as people to them at all. We are only prey, objects, or food to be used for their selfish needs. They will eagerly drain your energy, hope, and love, shunting it all into their inner void, and will not feel an ounce of regret if you die from their efforts. That may sound harsh, but please don’t kid yourself if you have someone like this in your life. Believe someone the first time when they show you who they are. And trust me, they will show you, over and over again.

These are creatures of infinite selfish need, fueled by blind rage and primal fear. Without love, without heart or soul, this is what they’re left with. This is all they get, until they hit some sort of rock bottom of pain and finally make a different choice. Their guides never give up on them. The choice of love over fear is always there for them to take. Our guides want us to learn through wisdom, rather than doubt and fear, but too many of us only learn when agony forces us to make different choices.

If you encounter one of these energy vampires, know there is nothing you can do to help them if they will not help themselves. The best thing you can do is deprive them of your energy in hopes they will make a better choice without you there to tempt them. Save yourself, heal yourself, and find ways to give your love to this world in a way that will make a positive difference, rather than being a waste.

These energy vampires always have enablers surrounding them. Enablers are captivated by the hollow power and manipulative efforts of the soulless. Fear of facing the wrath of someone without mercy or compassion keeps them tethered by short leashes. I was raised by someone without connection to soul, who was enabled by our entire extended family. When I finally found the strength to say No More, not a single biological relative was there to support this decision. I would love for them to wake up, see truth, and choose love, but I can’t make that choice for them. We can only see what we’re ready to see. The rest of us can only send good energy to their souls to help strengthen them, while keeping a safe distance. Their fear drives them to choose the comfort of blindness, to pretend the dysfunction of personality-driven lives is enough, that being food for the evil is their greatest purpose. I’m a big fan of the popular saying, “do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” You are not kindling for the misguided! You have worth. Choosing your health, sanity, and survival is always better than enabling the cruel.

For decades, I told myself that surely the miserable, toxic people around me really did love me, deep down. I didn’t realize until I’d gotten away that they did not. These people don’t love us. They can’t even feel love the way we do. They only want to manipulate us into sticking around for them to use and abuse. They want us to distract them from the void where their soul should be. You are worth more than food. You are not just something for a monster to chew on. Them being unable to love you does not mean you’re not worthy of love! It means they are unable to love you the way you deserve. It means you should leave them to their choices and seek love from those who are able to give it.

There’s really nothing in our culture that reminds us on a daily basis to get in touch with our soul, to do actual self-care, and listen closely to what our intuition tells us. These are the most important things you can possibly do for yourself, hands down. Another saying that applies here is, “secure your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.” Make the choice today, starting right now, to put the wellbeing of your soul first on your priority list. Nothing else matters as much as this. When we are actually taking real care of ourselves, we do a better job at everything else we do. We vibrate positive energy, brightening everything we touch, everyone we encounter. 

I challenge you, reading this, to listen closer to your soul, to let go of anything that’s getting in the way and let your real Self shine through. I promise it will transform your whole life, and quickly! You owe this to yourself. You help heal the whole of Creation by starting right there, with the piece of it that’s inside you.

Love and blessings, friends. 

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The Key is to Love Yourself

You can transform your life by giving yourself permission to truly love yourself—emotionally, practically, spiritually, and physically. If you prioritize self-care in all its forms, you’ll more easily clear the obstacles in your path, you’ll go through your days happier, bringing positive energy to others and helping to make the world a better place. Loving yourself is the way to conquer suffering, find enlightenment, and begin to transform the world for the better.

Once I escaped the abusive situation I was mired in for almost four decades, the first epiphany I had was about the importance of taking care of myself. I finally understood I was worth the effort, and the best thing I could do for my wellbeing was to take care of myself in all of the ways I’d felt others had failed me. It’s not up to others to make us feel okay—that’s up to us. We define our reality. We define who we present to the rest of the world, and who we are when we’re alone with ourselves. We control our health choices. We control how much we accept ourselves. We control our thought patterns.

Maybe some people in my family didn’t want me to be happy with who I was, but I wanted to be happy with who I was. Maybe they wanted me to feel bad about my personality, or the way I looked, or talked, or all the things that made me who I was, but I could rise above all of that through self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.

No matter what outside forces in your life get you down, YOU control the love you have for yourself. Don’t let anyone else poison your self-love. Recognize how incredible you are. Care for your own needs—the obvious and the most private ones. Combat your suffering with the most powerful thing in existence: Love.

Emotional Love

This means feeling your feelings in the moment rather than suppressing them, so that we can more quickly move through things like grief and anger. When we deny ourselves the ability to face what we feel at the deepest levels, we tie our soul up in knots. Then we carry those knots with us. They cause us pain and remain until we untie them and process our truths. All challenges we face in life are intentional. They each bring lessons. We cannot escape our lessons. They will linger or reappear in our path until we find the courage to pay attention to them.

If something is really pissing you off, stop and take a closer look. Figure out WHY it’s pissing you off, underneath how it may appear on the surface. What is the underlying issue? If something is causing you grief, like the loss of a loved one, you will move more quickly through pain into peace so by embracing the waves of sadness when they crash into you.

Try seeing the things that upset you as gifts, enabling you to pinpoint things to work on in yourself. If you accept these challenges as they happen, you will discover yourself stronger than you think, capable of doing more than you expect. If you dodge and avoid your problems, they will haunt you like ghosts, never giving you real peace until their secrets are unearthed.

We waste too much energy worrying about how others perceive us, and spend not nearly enough on independently taking care of our own needs.

Practical Love

No one knows what you need better than you do. Pay attention to what is required to take care of yourself. Do you need more rest? Healthier food? Less stress at work? A different morning routine? A break from an irksome friend or family member? Permission to indulge in a passion or hobby? A visit to the doctor?

Don’t expect others to magically know how to take perfect care of you. You need to learn to do the job for yourself. If each of us really took proper care of our needs, the world would be a much happier place to live. In truth, healing ourselves and learning what it means to love (ourselves first), is the true meaning of life. It’s what we’re here to do—learn to better love ourselves and each other.

Don’t underestimate the importance of making kinder practical choices when it comes to your wellbeing. Choose to give yourself a break. Find new ways to make your life easier. Scrutinize your daily choices for ways habit is getting in the way of contentment. You can try new things if they might make things easier on you. I’m well aware of the mental traps we set for ourselves, thinking we HAVE to do something a certain way. That we HAVE to tolerate discomfort, toxicity, negativity, or abuse. This is wrong! You always have the ability to choose to stop tolerating anything that causes you pain.

Yes, we each have our responsibilities. Yes, you can reorganize them at any given moment. Make yourself more of a priority in small practical ways. Do the little things that will bring more joy and comfort to your daily life. Make conscious choices to pursue bigger goals that will make things better. When we set an intention, the universe feels it and responds in kind. Intend to love, and to be happy.  

Spiritual Love

At the heart of it all is your soul, and your relationship with it. We’re not usually told this in the normal course of life in this day and age. It’s too common to go through decades of life—in the institutions of childhood, school, work, adulthood, without ever being encouraged by the outside world to pay attention to your inner life. What a tragedy this is! Religion is the closest most of us get, but it tends to wield guilt (fear) as a way to control and subjugate, rather than motivate us to recognize our own eternal power.

This life, this very moment—it’s all about your soul. Everything is. Behind all fear is truth, and the truth is love. We are made of this love. Consciousness is love, and consciousness shapes our whole universe. Within our bodies, within our minds and hearts, our souls sit in stillness—untouched by the emotional tides and struggles of each moment. Try it. Let everything fall away. Quiet your mind. Breathe. There, in the silence, is the peace that defines your soul. It’s the false distractions of the material world that blind us to this reality. You can work to clear away the distractions. Practices like meditation help us purge “thought noise”. Look within your being every day, peering constantly deeper, and this will do a better job than anything else at revealing what really matters, who you really are, and what your purpose is.

Once you see how crucial it is to understand your soul is the true reality, and everything else is temporary, you’ll be amazed at how many people in this world go through their days blind and lost. How can we begin to know what the heck we’re doing without first knowing who we are? Do YOU know who you are? You’re not your labels. You’re not your body, or age, or status, or bank account. In the peace of your heart, behind thought and emotion, you are the silent Watcher. You are a vibration. A light. You’re a portal through which the universe studies itself.

Find a quiet space alone, away from gadgets and distraction, and spend time with yourself. Go for a walk in nature. Listen to music and clear your mind. Dance. Write a journal. This is the most important work you can possibly do. It’s the way to self-acceptance. It enables your guides to reach you and keep you on your best path. It reveals all the ways the universe signals to you in every moment that it sees you, hears you, understands you, LOVES you. You can choose to block it out, or you can open your heart and discover the wonder of existence.

Physical Love

This isn’t about sex, though that is one way to satisfy some types of physical need. It’s our responsibility to take care of our bodies as best we can. None of us are perfect, and we’re not meant to be. We’re in the bodies we selected before beginning this incarnation as the best vehicles to learn our particular lessons for this lifetime. You can make things easier in many ways by taking proper care of your physical needs. That means rest, healthy food, exercise, hygiene, medical and mental care.

This is the only body you get for the remainder of this life. It’s up to you to care for it. You can give it fuel filled with nutrients, or you can fuel it with junk and poison. You can do what you can to stay physically fit, or you can tax your system with extra, unneeded stress. You can choose to rest when tired, or you can work yourself to exhaustion. These choices are up to you, but if you want to love yourself, the better paths become clearer. Choosing to sabotage our own health always has consequences. Unhealthy choices will shorten your life, bringing discomfort or agony that could have been avoided. By taking proper care of yourself, you’re gifting yourself with an easier experience as you age.

Don’t stand in your own way. Don’t let fear cause you unneeded suffering. Choose to really love yourself, in all the ways you can.

Love and blessings, friends.

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Our Conscious Universe: The Observer Effect

I’ve been reading two books by Deepak Chopra that really delve into the science behind the reality that our universe is conscious (Life After Death, and You Are the Universe – co-written with Menas C. Kafatos, Ph.D.). I highly, highly recommend these to you if you’re at all interested in how scientific facts support spiritual ideas. There is a lot to unpack here, so I’m going to take things one piece at a time, starting with the fascinating observer effect.

When I was very young, I remember my panic in wondering if what I saw with my eyes was really “there”. Most of us view the world through these two sockets in our head, giving us a specific field of vision at all times. But the only proof of what our eyes tell us is via our other senses, like touch, smell, and sound. How do we know those are trustworthy either? As I’ve aged, I’ve gotten used to the lack of proof of what I experience as reality, but the questions still remain.

My favorite metaphor for life as we understand it is like playing a video game with really impressive graphics and interactive features. We have our screen to observe gameplay. Our brain is our controller. In traditional video games, the game is only there for the player to use it. Without players, there would be no game. And the game itself is programmed to react to what the players do. Strangely, our world behaves exactly like this as well.

Mind over matter upsets the applecart of physics through this discovery, that the act of observation—mere looking—isn’t passive… You are altering the activity in your brain’s visual cortex as your eye falls upon different objects…What we take for granted, however, is that seeing things is passive “out there.” This is where the theory of quantum mechanics caused an upset.

If you move from big things to small things, observing photons, electrons, and other subatomic particles creates a mysterious phenomenon known as the observer effect… According to quantum theory, as long as a photon or electron isn’t being observed, it acts like a wave… Yet, as soon as the photon or electron is observed, it behaves like a particle.

Deepak Chopra, M.D. & Menas C. Kafatos, Ph.D., You Are the Universe, pg. 19
 
 

The observer effect can be found throughout all of nature, and shows us that just by looking at something, we change its state and behavior. This is the case for subatomic particles, as stated above. Electrons maintain a superposition, existing in several places at once, until they are observed. What wondrous behavior for one of the building blocks of matter!

Light particles behave similarly. Light maintains the form of a wave, until it is observed. Then it changes state to become a particle. This is known as the collapse of the wave function. The act of observation itself brings particles into existence in time and space. This means light, photons, and electrons know we’re watching, so they decide to change form. Know and decide are scary concepts to assign to things materialists insist contain no mind of their own. This is an example of how a conscious universe behaves.

What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning.

Werner Heisenberg
 
 

Schrödinger’s cat is another example of the observer effect. The cat is both alive and dead until we observe it. In fact, by observing the cat, we cause it to be either alive or dead, since otherwise it exists in both states simultaneously. 

Materialist and traditional science like to state that the observer plays no significant part in reality. They say things are what they are, regardless of who’s around to notice. This is simply incorrect. As observers, we play a crucial role in reality. Reality is what it is right now because we observe it. Truthfully, we have no way of knowing what would exist if we were not here to function as observers, or if anything would exist at all. Without the players, after all, there is no game.

I know it’s a bold claim to say reality exists for the sake of those living in it, but this is exactly one of the truths explored in these books, supported by some of the most brilliant scientific minds in the world.

Though we might not understand why reality exists for the sake of us, the observers, that it does, that we shape the universe just by witnessing it, means a great deal. We are a crucial part of the functioning of our world just by being here.

It can be argued that without the observer, nature exists only as pure potential, that we the creators hold the responsibility for shaping everything, in each moment. If you ever doubt your worth or importance, hold onto the scientific fact that all of nature—everything made up of photons, electrons, and light—is designed to react specifically to you. What will you choose to do with that power?

Love and blessings, friends.

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Practicing Kindness to Self

Dear Reader,
I may not know you personally, but today I want to tell you how proud I am of you that you’re here right now. The world demands a lot from us these days just in existing in it at all. I may not know your specific circumstances, but I do know you’ve made it this far, and that’s pretty spectacular. There are so many forces in the world set on attack mode, and it’s been rough on everyone. Please take a moment and really hear me telling you that you’re doing a good job if you: got out of bed today, or went to work, or got some exercise, or ate something healthy, or were tempted to give yourself a hard time about something and resisted that urge. There are not enough moments in this life in which we’re reminded of how far we’ve come, and how much hard work it took just to get to this time and space. But you did it, and I think you deserve to feel really good about that.

The toxic environment I escaped from after thirty seven years left me with a persistent mind-creature I’ve taken to calling the Doubt Monster. It’s a vicious voice in my head that liked to bare its teeth whenever I began to feel proud of myself, or confident, or hopeful about something I was doing. Whenever things were looking up, instinctively and skillfully this voice worked to bring me back down. My abusive parents intentionally installed this reflex in me in a twisted attempt to feel better about themselves, and it has taken a whole lot of conscious work to dismantle it.

Even if you didn’t also come from a toxic environment like me, there’s a lot in this world that isn’t exactly healthy. Just being here puts you in the firing line. It’s not that difficult to wind up with a tendency to be hard on ourselves.

My Doubt Monster used to be really good at latching on at the slightest inkling of joy or peace. These days, I don’t hear from it as much. But I do keep getting stuck in a broader thinking trap of “But what if I should be doing THIS instead?” It’s an abyss that’s so easy to trip and fall into. Before, I never even considered there was a way to avoid these traps. I’m here to tell you there is. It’s tricky but possible to catch yourself and remember that it’s fear creating those doubts. Phantoms of the mind set pitfalls in our path. It’s something we allowing our minds to do to us; something we fall for.

But there is another choice. We can work to identify those fear traps when we spot them. Calling them out robs them of their power (saying to yourself, “Wait. Stop. That’s only fear talking.” or just “That’s a fear thought.” “That’s an angry thought.”). It sounds like it shouldn’t make a difference, but I invite you to try it and judge for yourself (Confession: this is one of the few things that allows me to side-step road rage in the heat of the moment).

We can choose instead to know we’re fine just the way we are, on the course the universe naturally lays out before us. If something is meant for our life, it will find us. Chasing things/people/situations out of fear is never the solution. We need to stand strong as our natural selves, in our existing centers of power, trusting in them. All we need to do is choose to trust our path, trust in ourselves, trust in the wisdom of the universe.

Affirmations are a big deal in the self-help world, but I feel there is a crucial step missing before trying to use them. We need to look within and really ask ourselves with total sincerity if we believe what we’re saying in the affirmation. For example, if the affirmation is “I trust myself”, first really look deeply within and, in the quiet of your heart, as yourself if this is true. Go ahead. Ask. Then stop and listen to what your gut tells you in reply. Do you trust yourself? Out of everyone in this world, you are who you know best. You are the driver of your life. You are your only constant company in this voyage. Do you trust yourself? Your instincts? Your judgment? Your ability to love yourself and act in a loving way toward yourself? If the answer is yes, grab hold of that truth. Let it swell in your heart, growing it bigger and bigger. Give yourself permission to believe in it with absolute confidence.

If you do not believe it, make it your mission to find out why. Have a private conversation in the quiet of your heart about what you can do to help yourself, to heal yourself and get to a place where you would feel confident in your own voice.

This is a big deal. Most if not all of the world’s problems could be solved if all of us truly trusted in ourselves and loved ourselves the ways in which we’re truly capable. We are our own closest connection to the pure love and absolute wisdom of the Creator Spirit. Our minds (temporary things that serve as our tool in this one, fleeting life of many) set all sorts of traps for our souls as we strive to keep our connection to eternal Spirit strong, and our primary battle on Earth will always be this inner battle to connect to the strength and power of Love. Doubt, fear, anger, jealousy—it spoils everything, if we let it. We do not have to let it. YOU do not have to let it. We have the power to make a different, better choice. Helping yourself helps the world. Loving yourself helps the world. Believe that. Try it out. Love yourself more than you have been, even in seemingly small ways, and see if it changes anything for you. Does it grow your happiness? Your peace? Do some of your worries fall away?

It’s so easy to get distracted from our primary soul issues. We get swept up in the day-to-day noise of, “I have to pick up milk on the way home from work today,” and “I told this person I would do that,” and “I’ve been meaning to get to finally doing this,” or “I don’t think this person shouldn’t be doing that”. Let all of that go. I give you permission. Even if only for a moment or a minute, let it all go. Stop—really stop—and see you’re doing a good job at taking care of yourself, then give yourself permission to do a GREAT job instead. Look for ways to love yourself more.

Even if all you accomplish today is to take better care of yourself, IT IS ENOUGH. And not only is it enough, but you should be actively proud of yourself for it. Kindness starts with how we treat ourselves. Kindness starts right there, in the quiet of your heart. If you can’t be kind there, how could you expect to be kind anywhere else? And if you can’t be kind, why would you expect kindness to find you? We all want kindness. Some of us expect it. We strut around with a kindness entitlement burning away in us. But you get what you give. Start by giving kindness to yourself.

Sending love and blessings your way, friends.

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Find Peace By Getting in Touch with Your Real Self

This is a big one for me. It’s a skill that can get you through any trial you may face. I debated on the title to this post, because it’s tricky to classify this, but it’s one of the basics in understanding who we truly are. 

We are not our possessions, nor our thoughts, or our fears, or any other traditional definition of identity. Who we are is the watcher behind our surface-level awareness, the being within who notices everything happening, living simultaneously in a state of constant alertness and eternal contentment.

Attempt to become aware of your thoughts, and the sensory input from your eyes, ears, nose, and skin. Now try to pinpoint your emotions and where your reactions stem from. Notice these are all on certain outer levels of our being, and behind those is the watcher within.

The watcher stares out through your eyes. It reaches through all of your senses. It stays nestled in the core of our bodies. The watcher observes, but does so from a place of total peace and acceptance. Peal back the layers that disguise it. One of the biggest things you can do for your own mental, emotional, and spiritual health, is to become aware of the difference of where your surface-level reactions come from, and the deeper place where your watcher sits.

Our soul—a fragment of our Higher Self (the bulk of which remains anchored on the Other Side), and the true, undiluted part of what makes us who we are—is found within this watcher. We are NOT our sensory and fearful reactions to things. We are the being beyond them, noticing them, recording data. The more you are able to identify the place where your watcher exists, and tap into that place at will, the more you will become aware of truth.

Your soul—the watcher within—does not worry. Ever. Even in dire circumstances. It does not fear or obsess. It only stays alert and absorbs all that is around us. Sometimes it communicates, but only through our intuition or the quiet, insistent voice of gut compulsion. This is why in life or death circumstances, thought falls away and we can react more quickly than seems possible—with confidence, intelligence, and surprising strength. That’s your soul stepping forward and taking the wheel, if only for a brief moment.

A great benefit of becoming aware of this true facet of who you are is that it can show you at any given moment that everything is okay. Your soul is not influenced by the news, or our daily frets, or even the greatest challenges we face. It remains steady and sure. It lives solely in the present moment. For it, future and past are inconsequential. It’s anchored in calm love.

Any time I’m unsure of things happening around me or in my life, I tap into this place and soak in the reassurance it provides. It’s our inner compass pointing us to what really matters. It guides us, always, away from our fear.

Even when we’re not lost in fear’s fog, but only the mist of indecision, the clarity of our watcher can provide direction. And it’s always there. It’s what’s left when all nonsense is wiped away. It’s our constant touchstone through every experience—great and small.

The more you embrace a spiritual awakening, the more you will become this part of yourself. You’ll fall more easily and naturally into a near-meditative state of readiness and simmering joy. Challenges will reveal themselves as fleeting nuisances they are, and you’ll more easily recognize the eternal tranquility from which all of nature springs. You’ll see why animals and plants radiate a type of steadiness humans rarely find.

Seek out this part of you. Embrace it. Live there more often, as long as you can. It’ll bring more happiness to your days than you can possibly imagine.

Love and blessings, friends.