Author: Bec

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Karma: Renewing Your Faith in Fairness

As I grew up, I had a lot of anger over what I perceived as a massive lack of fairness in the world. From a deep level in my being, I needed there to be a cosmic system of accountability, where good people were recognized for their goodness, and bad people faced consequences (because it was obvious human law enforcement weren’t exactly doing the whole job, to say the least). My frustration whenever I saw bad people getting away with lots of awful things only intensified as I got older.

For me, this stemmed from my abusive childhood, and seeing my abusers get away with whatever they wanted because they were white, and had money, and bullied their way to powerful positions. In fact, everyone around me believed them and not me, so as far as I could tell, they continued on utterly without consequence for treating me terribly.

And then I began to learn about karma.

I find reading about karma, theories on karma, ideas on how it works, etc., to be profoundly soothing. I highly recommend this activity! My current understanding of karma is as follows:

This is a self-running system that balances forces in the universe. It is not controlled by a judgmental “god”. It polices itself without any need for interference. It pays attention to every thought, word, intention, and action you produce, and you accrue either good karma or bad karma accordingly. Bad karma cannot be escaped. It can take more than one lifetime—or hundreds, or thousands, etc.—to correct your balance and pay off all of your bad karma. This is why when we see bad people doing bad things, their consequences are not always noticeable. Have no fear—karma plays the long game.

The process works like this:

  1. We do bad stuff
  2. We experience bad stuff happening to us
  3. (If we experience our suffering with grace and a loving heart)… Freedom!

Did you notice that condition in there on step 3? It’s important. None of us are perfect. When we just started off living as a humans, during our very first lives, we were kind of a mess. We made lots of mistakes. Then we learned from them. Then we made more mistakes. It’s a process. Now, you’re facing the consequences of your earlier actions, made before this life started. (And you’re probably still making some mistakes. That’s okay!) But the key here, to the whole “life” thing, is to accept what’s given to us with humility, and a willingness to learn from it and do better somehow.

No matter what you may be going through, ideally you want to get through it without incurring more bad karma. If someone robs you, and you go around screaming at the people trying to help you at how unfair it is that you got robbed, you’re going to get bad karma even though you were technically the victim. Suffering is not a justification to act like a jerk.

Repeating that one again, because it’s a big one: Suffering is not a justification to act like a jerk.

We are always responsible for our actions. We are always living under the watchful eye of karma. Even if you think no one sees what you’re doing, trust me, karma sees. Imagine how different the world would be if everyone understood they’re going to be held accountable for everything they do, even the things they did without “getting caught”. Even the things they think were justified.

The only way to climb out of the karma debt you find yourself in is to make better choices. Listen to your conscience, your gut feelings about what the right thing to do is, and then do them. I’ve faced some horrific moments in my life. When I faced them with a mindset of “okay, this is a nightmare, but it’s temporary and if I just do my best, and try to do the right thing here”, I was always astonished at how things seemed to fall quickly into place. My pain eased faster. Solutions appeared quicker. Peace came sooner.

The universe doesn’t want us to suffer. It wants us to learn and do better. It will support you if this is your goal. You will literally feel the support, love, and guidance coming your way, even if you are alone in your efforts.

In that 3-step process outlined about, you want to be in step 2. If bad things are happening to you, it’s a good thing! It means you’re being given chances to pay off your karmic debt and move closer to step 3—freedom. Our freedom doesn’t come in this world. Freedom means you won’t need to incarnate here on Earth again. You get to progress on to somewhere else—somewhere suffering doesn’t exist. 

Yes, I know it’s awful to be stuck in step 2. But resist the any urges to rebel against the pain in ways that will send you back to step 1.

This is an unpopular opinion, but I do believe that everything happens to us for a reason—even things like abuse. I believe we have a say in what our life will be like before it begins, and we plan the things we will face during it, and we agree to go through it with the intention of trying to grow from the experience. Everything we face is something we agreed to face. No one else forced it upon us. We just don’t remember the agreement right now (well, it would spoil the surprise, right?) I believe nothing happens TO us unfairly. Nothing. Every experience helps us balance our karma, and helps us to grow into stronger, wiser souls. Like I said, we have all made mistakes along the way in previous lives. And everyone (on the other side, at least, when we do not have an ego to protect, or experience fear) wants to balance their karma.

People who die young knew they were going to die young. They signed up for it in advance. People who go through unimaginable tragedy do not do so accidentally (read the books Journey of Souls, Destiny of Souls, and Memories of the Afterlife by Michael Newton, Ph.D. for details accounts of his patients undergoing hypnotic regression for stories to support this, including reports of the advanced souls who volunteered to experience the concentration camps during the Holocaust in order to assist the rest of the world in learning from what they endured).

Your tragedies are not unnoticed. They are not the product of a chaotic and cruel world. If you let them, they are your chance to break free of the cycle of life after life. Embrace them and be transformed.

It does bring me peace to know everything I’ve ever suffered was seen, that every time I tried to do the right thing no matter what, it was noticed and made a difference. When I look at the news, it gives me hope and peace of mind to understand that those who act with brazen cruelty can never, ever escape the consequences speeding their way, even if it takes them all of eternity to right their wrongs. Race, privilege, gender, money—karma doesn’t care. Karma doesn’t hear excuses. All karma understands is balance. It’s how everything in our world runs. When a pendulum swings wildly in one direction, it will always swing back.

So be brave, believe in yourself, and have faith in the intention and wisdom of our loving, conscious universe. Love and blessings, friends.

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Why the Existence of Reincarnation = Happiness Now

The existence of reincarnation meshes beautifully with what we know about science and the workings of our world. Everything in nature exists in a cycle of recreation and rebirth—the seasons, the lunar cycle, the life cycle of plants, the way forces of destruction in weather help nature re-emerge healthier and stronger. The Law of Conservation of Matter and the Law of Conservation of Energy state that neither matter nor energy can be created or destroyed. They merely change form. And as humans, are we not matter and energy, both? Logic dictates we also cannot be destroyed. We merely change form and come back to repeat the cycle.

I ask you to consider, if you haven’t done so before, the implications of the existence of reincarnation. So much could improve in our lives and our world if we did.

No More Pressure to Make Your Mark Through “Stuff”

Think of how common it is to feel pressured to have your life reflect some great impact on the world through materialism and pride. How many decisions are made through fear, under the assumption that if we don’t do something to be remembered by, it’s all for nothing? The race to accumulate wealth or fame, the importance placed on accruing and showing off property, and the yearning to achieve impressive titles in a career all stem from this misguided notion that our lives are meaningless without this amassment of stuff left in our wake.

But if you’ve been here, on this planet, dozens or hundreds of times, what is the point of falling madly over yourself to gather a new collection of stuff? You can’t take it with you. You don’t need to be remembered for superficial reasons. Your stuff impresses nobody (it’s your behavior they’re really paying attention to). You’ve been here lots of times and you’ll be back plenty more. What really counts—the only thing that counts—is how you make people feel. Let go of your stuff and look for the bigger picture. It will always be much easier to focus on kindness and compassion than it is to get rich and famous.

No More Pressure to Live the Perfect Life

In our culture, we’re encouraged to have a storybook view of our lives and our goals. We’re pressured to have the perfect friends, perfect family, perfect spouse, perfect home, perfect kids, perfect job, with no mistakes or embarrassments along the way. We “only live once” so we’re expected to do everything impeccably.

Do I need to point out how unrealistic that is? How foolish?

We’re not here to live perfect lives. We’re here to mess up and fail. We’re here to face our weaknesses and see if we can do better. We’re here to learn. We will always learn more from failure, by reaching for something that seems impossible, falling short, and finding the courage to try again. Failure means you tried. It shows you who you are and how to find your strength.

No one lives the perfect life, and even if you did, you’re going to be coming back again anyway to start all over again. You get endless do-overs. Think about that for a moment. Any wish, any dream, is possible because you’re given as many chances to try for them as you want.

Take the pressure off of yourself to do it all in less than a hundred years. Relax. Give yourself a break. You’re an immortal energy being. You’re not exactly pressed for time.

Honoring Nature Helps Everyone

How many people right now don’t believe in climate change? How many think climate change is possible but it’s too late to do any good, so why bother changing bad habits? How drastically might their opinions change if we could prove to them they’re still going to come back through reincarnation, and will have to live with all of the consequences of irresponsible behaviors?

Think of it this way: if something in your house catches fire, do you try to put it out, or do you start splashing gasoline on the walls to hurry it along? Do you ask for the fire company’s help, or do you lie down in the flames and give up?

If we live with the knowledge that this planet is ours to safeguard, and will continue to be our home beyond this singular life, we further the health and happiness of everyone. If we make our choices in the interest of self-care, care of others, and protecting what will continue to be ours, everyone wins. It’s not hard. It just takes some common sense. Respect yourself by respecting the planet.

You Never Lose Anyone You Love

Grief is a great crusher of happiness, but a lot of the time it’s because we don’t allow ourselves to believe we will see our loved ones again. With the promise of an afterlife and reincarnation, we never lose anyone we love. We tend to incarnate with our soul group (primary and secondary – or small close circle and a larger group of acquaintances). This means we live multiple lives with the same souls, changing up our roles but supporting each other in different ways. It’s why certain people feel so strangely familiar, beyond the boundaries of how long you’ve actually known them in the course of your life.

Love is energy, and our love for each other exists as a real connection that stretches beyond the physical. When someone you love dies, they are still with you in very real ways. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they can’t see you. You will be with them again. You can live multiple future lives together if you want, or just be content with their friendship in the afterlife.

Fear is a liar. It’s fear and ignorance that whisper to you that those you love are gone forever. Shut out your fear, and look instead to your heart. Listen to what your instincts tell you instead. They’re much more trustworthy.

What You’re Left With

When you strip away these false assumptions about what life should be, you’re left with the truth. This present moment and whatever it brings you are all that matter. Keeping an open heart, loving yourself and everyone you encounter, are all that matter. There is no pressure. There is time. There are infinite possibilities. And the only one in charge of it all, is you.

Play the long game. Aim beyond the horizon. Extend your plans to the limits of your imagination. Treasure life in all its forms and see that it’s not going anywhere without you.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Trick to “Finding” Your Purpose

Here it is: You’re not here to save the world, you’re here to save yourself. Make this your mantra and repeat as needed.

This is a trap I’ve fallen into over and over again, so I know how it goes. Worrying that you’re not fulfilling some cosmic mission, or that you’re just not doing “enough”, is a trap set by fear and ego. The truth, beautiful in its simplicity, is that you were born with all of the tools you need to succeed in this life. Every person you meet, every situation you find yourself in, every challenge faced—no matter how small—is a deliberate part of your purpose.

But it can’t be that easy, can it?

Of course it is!

We humans are excellent at complicating things unnecessarily. We overthink. We fixate. All of that is noise created by the mind, by fear and ego. The mind/personality/ego wants us to misdefine what makes us who we are. It wants us to believe that attention, accomplishments, wealth, or power determine identity and our measure of success. These are all lies. You can live alone in the woods, never encounter another soul, and fulfill your purpose. You can live in abject poverty and create a life of which to be hugely proud. You can have influence over no one and become an amazing person in your own right.

Our worth comes from within. We’re born with it. We never lose it. We don’t need to prove it to anyone. We only need to believe it ourselves.

Worth does not come from stuff, or a completed To Do list. It comes from your soul, your kindness and compassion—to yourself as well as others.

Our own minds lie to us, telling us to be afraid we’re not doing what we’re supposed to be doing. We suspect we’re not measuring up to some imaginary chart.

The truth is that we come here to Earth to heal specific parts of our soul. We are born into these bodies with a specifically limited portion of our energy in order to be forced to focus on certain traits, and to resolve portions of our karma. Your purpose is simply to live as you are—exactly as you are—as best you can, with love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Your only duty is to try to exist fully in the present moment, taking life one moment at a time, and face each one directly. Be good to those around you. Try your best. Learn from your mistakes as often as you can. If your heart has a fervent, secret dream, follow it.

If it helps, think of yourself as a pre-programmed piece of software, with pre-determined missions set out in front of you. Nothing is a mistake. Everything is intentional. I often like to think of life as one giant video game where you can’t pause the game, and can’t quit until you reach the end without losing all of your progress thus far, being forced to start back at the beginning again in your next life. What this means is that you don’t have to “try” to play the game—you’re already doing it. You don’t need to “find” your purpose—you’re already immersed in it. Your purpose will find you. You actually can’t escape it. So, relax! Give yourself a break. Seriously.

If you feel pulled by your gut to do a certain thing, go for it! If you find yourself stuck in certain patterns, going around and around without escape—pay attention to it! There’s a solution right in front of you, waiting for you to see it. You just have to face your fears and find the courage to try something new.

The trick to all of this is that there is no trick. The only person standing in your way is you. You can choose—every single day—to make things easier on yourself, or to make things harder. We tend to stick to the familiar, but the familiar may not be doing you any favors. To follow a path involves taking forward steps. You need to try going places you haven’t gone before.

I spent 37 years of my life avoiding standing up for myself because I’d been telling myself it would mess everything up. It was the voice of fear, and I paid for listening to it by getting stuck in a miserable situation. The same people kept hurting me in the same ways, but at an increasing rate until I reached a breaking point. At that breaking point, the fear of making a different choice was suddenly much less than the pain of continuing on with things as they had been. And you know what happened when I finally stood up for myself? It kept being scary for a short while, because everything was changing so fast. And then… everything started to fall into place. Things that hadn’t made sense my whole life finally did. All of my pain vanished. Everything became clear. I gained perspective. I learned so much. I became stronger. Everything I’d hated about my life was gone. I was left with only the good, and so much possibility waiting ahead of me.

Please, learn from my mistake. Make a different choice earlier. Spare yourself the pain. You can. You can gift yourself that, if you are brave enough to try.  You can live this life being your own worst enemy, or you can be your own hero. No one else can decide how things turn out, but you.

The universe is patient. It is kind. If you’re not ready, it will stick by you and keep offering you opportunities to make a different choice. It will never give up on you. But pain isn’t necessary for growth. It’s just not. We cause our own suffering when we resist what is. I promise you, what is, is not bad. There is nothing to be afraid of. Use suffering when it finds you as a tool. See it as a signpost, pointing the way. Listen to it saying “pay attention to THIS”. That signpost is there for a reason. It’s there for YOU. Trust it’s there for a reason, that before you were even born you set these tasks in your own path for reasons that won’t likely become clear to you until this is all over.

I have also wasted a lot of energy being upset about the idea of justice. Whenever things didn’t seem fair, it infuriated me. Have you felt the same way?

The solution is to try and understand karma. We carry karma with us from life to life. The universe seeks balance in all things. When the pendulum swings one way, it must always swing back. A homeless man on the street is not a victim of a cruel world if he chose that life to balance his karma from a previous life spent a slave to greed and pride. We aren’t equipped to see the bigger picture, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. All you need to do is trust the ride and accept what you have been given. There is purpose behind it.

Your challenges, no matter what they might be, are your gifts. Have faith in them. Clear the hurdles set directly in front of you and don’t worry about what’s waiting up ahead. The deliberateness of the universe is a glorious thing. It’s woven with love and understanding. If you can find a way to appreciate exactly where you are, right here, today, then the itch to be somewhere “better” will fade.

Love and blessings, friends.

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The Problem with the Aha Moment, or Why We Can Only Save Ourselves

A lot of my aha moments have been clustered together over the past few years. They were all brought on by different types of suffering. These instigators were all things people not only actively avoid, but live in real fear of. What is not widely acknowledged though, especially in our culture of comfort, is that discomfort can breed real wisdom. It’s when we’re truly challenged and thrown way out of our norms that we have the chance to open our eyes. The real trick is to lean into the suffering, allowing yourself to really feel and understand it, rather than dragging it around behind you in an attempt to run away.

The death of my brother taught me many lessons—about death, love, grief, strength, myself, family, friends, our culture, the ties that bind everyone who has experienced true loss, and the beauty in having a real angel by your side. We’re all destined to lose those we love the most. We live in terror of those moments, unavoidable as they are. This fear stems mainly from the false belief that we’re losing them forever. But love bonds eternally. We cannot lose that which is an indelible part of us.

Escaping over three decades of abuse gave me many profound insights about the value of self-love, boundaries, and the misunderstood importance in a loving “no”. Despite what I learned, what I endured was something I’d not wish upon my worst enemy.

My other great teacher has been living in relative isolation—being largely misunderstood or neglected by those closest to me for my whole life. As an INFJ, I’ve always felt like an old soul or a lone wolf. The absence of nurturing in my childhood only perpetuated this feeling. As I’ve aged, I’ve made starkly different choices than those around me—getting married younger than anyone else I know, having kids when I did, being the only person I know to choose to study art, identifying as pansexual long before I discovered there was even a word for it. All of this and more set me on a wildly different path, without anyone ahead of me to show me the way, to give encouragement or advice. My greatest wish has always been to simply have someone to commiserate with. Instead, my insights have always needed to come from within. This has served me well.

My aha moments have taught me invaluable lessons, but have you noticed the pattern in them? Suffering is not something anyone wants to run toward. It’s avoided at all cost. So what is there to do when you’re on the other side of suffering? When you’ve endured it, learned from it, and come out wiser, but bruised?

Do you ask your loved ones to suffer as well, so as to share in your lessons? Wishing them the same pain?

Do you try to use something as small and hollow as words to try and explain your journey? People don’t want to hear about death. They don’t want to hear about child abuse. They don’t want to know what happens when you have no one. The fear of these demons pushes away those you counted on to be there. Human instinct tempts us to put our fingers in our ears and block out painful realities. And even if they do stay, words just don’t cut it. Some things in life just cannot be understood until they are experienced firsthand.

It takes my breath away to know things that I wish I could reveal to others. It’s a tragedy of existence to be shown a truth which expands your heart, mind, and soul, only to be forced to keep it to yourself. Maybe this is something else that is kept secret until you’re standing in its place, but you simply cannot save people from their allotment of suffering. Your words will never be enough to spare them the pain. They need to walk through it themselves. They need to walk their particular path. No one can do it for them.

We are all tasked with saving ourselves. No one else can save you from your troubles. They were given to you for a reason. That reason is so you learn and grow.

But as someone who has faced nightmarish challenges while thinking I’d never get through them, as someone who has experienced profound grief and understood the miracle of it, as someone who looks back on how far I’ve come and been astounded—I can tell you there is so much triumph and peace awaiting you when you get on the other side of it all. Everything—everything—is worth it. Whatever you have to force yourself to face, there will be rewards when you’re done. Fear will be conquered. Your heart will sing. You will be so very grateful.

But no one can tell you how to get there, or what it will really be like as you’re down in the trenches. You’ve got to see it for yourself.

That’s the whole point. We’re each on solo missions, side-by-side. Your mission is unique, because you are unique. Support is there if you need to reach for it, but every one of the steps you must take can only be made by you.

So, hang in there friends. Do what your mind tells you to be afraid to do, and listen to your heart instead. Because the strength of the heart is always greater than the illusory fear of the mind. Have faith.

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Benefits of Making Space in Your Life

We are all creatures of habit. We find routines that suit us and get stuck going around and around in them. We’re also encouraged to fill every waking moment with commitments, and when we do have spare time in which to rest, we spend it staring at screens rather than looking within.

This post is directed solely to the givers of the world. The takers, who enjoy letting others pick up their slack, are excused.

Givers can easily get stretched so thin, they snap. Their self-imposed responsibilities pile up until the mountain crashes down around them. Making space is all about recognizing you’re carrying too much, and deciding to do yourself the favor of setting some things down.

Some things we take on are: relationships (friendly, family, and romantic), jobs, goals, hobbies, missions, and habits. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to stop, scrutinize what you’ve (possibly unwittingly) taken on, and making the effort to recognize what’s making you miserable rather than fulfilling you. Once a cause of misery is identified, take a magnifying glass to whatever excuses justify its existence in your life. Of course, sometimes we need to endure a commitment that satisfies a basic need, even when it makes us miserable. But even in those cases, it’s crucial to be on the lookout for exit ramps. An exit ramp would be an opportunity to divert course in a different, less miserable direction.

Stop wasting your energy on things that don’t serve you. Stop using excuses to prolong unhappiness. Stop filling your moments with empty diversions, noise, and pain. Figure out what’s sucking you dry and detach from it, even just as an experiment.

Make space in your life by letting go of what you no longer need. New, good things can’t enter your life if there isn’t space for them. You’ll never know what you’re missing out on if you don’t allow the chance for change to happen.

Your health benefits greatly when you have space to live and breathe more comfortably, without a mental stockpile of things that “need to be done”. With space, there’s more chance to go out, to move, to relax, and to rediscover what stimulates you. When we stop looking outward, trying to satisfy the expectations of others, we give ourselves permission to look inward instead to better understand who we are, what we really need, and what we most want.

A small thing that is great at beginning to create space is meditation. It provides small amounts of peace and quiet where we can clear mental noise and tune in to our intuition. Deep down, you know what it is you really need, but it’s impossible to hear that voice if the noise from things around you are always drowning it out. A great habit to get into is to meditate for fifteen minutes a day, just to reconnect with yourself and take a time out. The more you get into the practice of stopping to listen and observe your own instincts and emotions, the more aware you’ll be of everything going on around you, and the best way forward.

The toxic people in our lives tend not to like it when we make time for ourselves. The more time you devote to self-care, the less time you’re spending with them. You don’t need anyone’s permission to take care of yourself. No one is ever served by you playing the martyr, killing yourself for the benefit of someone who’s capable of doing more but just chooses not to. There are a lot of people in this world who use those closest to them to sate a need, fill a void, or avoid doing work. Don’t fall for their traps. It’s not beneficial to them or yourself to enable their nonsense. The more loving act is to give them the chance to do their own heavy lifting for a change. They will never progress or find their own happiness until they do.

And sometimes, we keep ourselves busy with things that don’t deserve our time or energy because we’re simply scared or uncomfortable with the idea of venturing into new territory. In these cases, just remember, you’ll never know what you’re missing out on unless you give it a chance. Make space for the impossible, the miraculous, and the wonderful—it’s the only way to invite it into your life.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Proof of the Afterlife

There are four groups of people who agree on what happens when you die:

  • children who remember past lives
  • those who’ve experienced a Near Death Experience (NDE)
  • people who’ve had an out-of-body experience
  • mediums

I’ve had personal experience with 3 out of the 4 things on that list. Of course, anything involving the afterlife requires a measure of faith. It’s not as if you can bring back a souvenir after you visit. Either you’ve had a personal experience to help boost your belief, or you have to take the word of those who have.

The most detailed study of children with past life memories comes from psychiatrist Ian Stevenson at the University of Virginia, with more than 2,500 case studies. This phenomena can be found all over the globe, but is most commonly found in places like India where the culture widely supports the concept of reincarnation. This helps parents feel comfortable to share their experiences with their children, quelling fear of ridicule. There’s someone in my immediate family who spoke both vividly and specifically of memories of war when they were only a few years old. There are several books available that deal with the study of these children and their stories, which I encourage you to read.

An excellent resource for reading personal accounts of near death experiences is the Near-Death Experience Research Foundation, or NDERF.org. They keep browsable archives of individual accounts on their website. What’s most astonishing about these records are the similarities.

My personal experience also agrees with the following qualities of a visit to  the afterlife: 

  • journey through a tunnel or passageway
  • movement toward bright, colorful light that is welcoming and doesn’t hurt the eyes
  • encounter with a loved one
  • experience with telepathic communication
  • encountering a boundary which you can’t cross without officially dying
  • experiencing emotion so powerful it’s impossible to put into words, though suggestions like ecstatic bliss and perfect love may give you an idea

I’ve also studied mediums, and though there are charlatans only interested in feeding on the grief of others to make money, there are convincing mediums to be found. I’ve read, seen, and experienced countless accounts of readings during which unknowable details are conveyed by the deceased to their living loved ones.

Taken individually, all of these subgroups are fascinating in their own right, but the sum total of what they imply is even more wondrous. It’s shocking that it’s not more widely discussed, given all it implies for every single one of us. I strongly encourage my readers to explore these records on their own, but know this:

We come from a loving place that is our true home. While here on Earth, we’re surrounded by the loving support of those on the other side, who never leave our side and will never fail us. Communication with them is not only possible, but likely if you are able to open your heart and mind. And when we die, we’re not ending but passing through a doorway on a journey back to where we belong. We leave fear and the amnesia that comes with physical life behind. No longer are we confined to the narrow space of a body, but can expand our awareness to the size of all of existence if we so choose. We are immortal. We are forever connected to an endless, stunning force of love that never judges but always encourages growth and forward movement. Nothing there is static or boring. The most soothing peace lifts us out of the weight of physical life.

In my opinion, one of the best proofs of the afterlife is your own gut feelings. Read some of the detailed descriptions out there waiting to be found and listen to your own internal reaction to them. Do they feel true? Is there something eerily familiar about them? Do they bring a sense of comfort?

If you stumble over a moment of doubt, dig deeper. I’ve heard people discredit the notion of the afterlife simply because of things like the commonality of the recently deceased to have an encounter with Jesus, Buddha, or other famous religious figures. Deepak Chopra discusses the explanation for this in detail in his book, Life After Death: The Burden of Proof.

As he explains, there is a collective unconscious that we all tap into. It’s why people all over the globe will simultaneously have the same inspired idea. There have been hundreds of occurrences of people applying for patents for an invention at the same time. The same happens with pitches for books or movies, because our ideas are all pulled from the same ether. When a new concept is meant to birth itself into our world, it comes through wherever it can, and not just through a single mind.

When we die, we experience the afterlife we’ve been conditioned to expect by the cultures in which we live. We pull a familiar interpretation of the afterlife from the collective unconscious and experience something accordingly. Despite unfailing similarities like moving towards the light and being met by loved ones, afterlife accounts all tend to have unique styles or flavors. What you find when you cross over is tailored to your current evolutionary state as a soul, your karma, your expectations, and what both you and your guides determine is what is appropriate just for you.

People “meet” Jesus or Buddha during an NDE because part of them expects to. This doesn’t mean they’re actually meeting Jesus and Buddha, but they are meeting a loving higher being who projects that comforting image to welcome them and help ease the transition of their arrival.

I’ve also read an account of a pastor who spent his life intentionally scaring his parishioners with threats of Satan, only to encounter the “devil” himself as he crossed over during an NDE. After the initial rough shock, the pastor’s guide let the gruesome projected image dissolve to reveal himself and the rest of the man’s awaiting loved ones waiting to welcome him. They’d thought he had a good scare coming to him after a lifetime’s obsession with such a negative creature.

No matter what might hold you back or inflame your doubt, as someone who’s both been blessed to bask in the love of the afterlife, and who has endured the passing of someone close to me, give yourself the gift of curiosity. The more you discover, the less fear you’ll carry with you, and the more free you’ll become to simply enjoy living while you’re still here to do it. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything. The feelings it stirred in me, the impact it had on me—they’re indescribable and so much better than your wildest dreams. Though so very hard to capture with things as crude as words, please give these written accounts a read. They just might soothe something in your soul as well.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Trump, Narcissism & Government Corruption – What’s Going On & Why Now

All over our world right now, you will see corruption at work and being exposed in government and really in anyone who’s long been in power. The United States in particular is undergoing what feels like a prolonged, extensive trauma with the 24/7 media cycle spreading the influence of Trump and his enablers. Everywhere I look, I see people feeling anxiety, stress, depression and yearning for escape from the situation in which we find ourselves, politically and culturally.

I feel uniquely qualified to explain some of this, so I’m giving it a shot. I was the scapegoat child a covert malignant narcissist for three and a half decades before permanently ending contact for my own health and sanity. For nearly the entire span of my life, I lived in the same environment in which our entire country finds itself. Trump is also a narcissist (possibly among other things). Narcissists only find comfort in selfishly, cruelly, wielding power and demanding attention.

I strongly recommend the book People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck in trying to understand human evil. The closest thing to evil we will encounter is not Satan or demons but only other humans. When a person’s personality/mind/ego is in direct conflict with its soul and refuses to mesh with its soul, there becomes a disconnect within them. They reject the soul’s loving influence and become totally driven by the fear of the mind. The farther they go down this path, the more minuscule the chance they will be able to change at all during this life.

Narcissists are driven by fear. They crave power over others to boost the ego within that is their driving force, their whole identity. They may have had abusive childhoods, and at some point along the way they did have a choice to fight for themselves or to give in to fear. They chose fear. There is ALWAYS a choice.

The best response to a narcissist is to feel pity and show compassion, as difficult as that may be for us to do. Try to understand that they hate and fear themselves on the deepest levels, that there is absolutely no joy, comfort or contentment in their days. They are incapable of love. They live in a moral darkness from which they will not escape, unless a true miracle occurs. The best response when you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist or with another form of human evil is to disengage. Don’t give them the attention they crave. Refuse to give them power over you. Create space between you and enforce your personal boundaries.

With Trump, who seems inescapable, that means stepping back from the endless news cycle. Ignore him and his circle of enablers as much as you’re able while taking care of YOU in whatever ways you can. Do the best you can with what you’re given. Trump’s choices are his to make and the consequences are his as well. Anything you can’t ignore, any ways his choices directly affect you and the ones you love—take the lesson. Take what you can from it, do your best, keep growing and hold onto hope. You are supported and loved in ways you can’t imagine.

When going through the darkest period of my life, when my hope was lost, I was directly contacted by one of my guides. They showed me all of the love I’d been missing and more. They told me to have faith (I have this message tattooed on the back of my left shoulder as a reminder and tribute). They showed me how the narcissist in my life had been slowly, constantly poisoning me with their influence. Then they showed me how to pull the tendrils of their toxicity out of my being, revealing that the toxicity was solely the narcissist’s—not mine. Without it, I was fine. Whole. Healthy. I held the tendrils of their poison and was encouraged to study it. To understand it.

It was two decades before I truly began to understand this message, but I got it eventually. And I encourage you to learn from it as well. Stop letting others’ toxicity poison you. Look at their behavior and the ways they try to influence you—REALLY look at it—and do your best to understand it with compassion. Find ways to protect yourself, and heal yourself.

Why is this happening now? Why is all of this corruption being exposed at so many levels and in so many places?

Dealing with the narcissist in my life was the biggest lesson I’ve been faced with by far. It’s also the one I’ve learned the most from. It’s made me strong. It’s shown me how important it is to protect myself and care for myself first, above all others. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves—who else will? Boundaries are key. Standing up for what’s right is key. Honesty and connecting through love to all life on earth is what’s most important in building our global community.

This lesson is being enacted worldwide right now. I don’t personally know anyone else who had the childhood I did, and had to deal with what I did. But now everyone, everywhere, is getting a similar lesson in having to deal with Trump. We’re all being encouraged to learn and grow—to awaken—so that we can come together and go from here with love, compassion, hope, and wisdom. We need to learn from this. All of it. And move forward in pursuit of what’s right and good, for the betterment of all mankind.

I’ve seen talk in many places, from many sources, that this all is part of a massive cosmic growth-spurt for our souls. Human life on earth is pushing to evolve to a higher level, vibration or density, where Trump’s form of negativity and low-level energy simply can’t survive. We’re leaving behind those who cling so tightly to fear. We’re having to directly face systemic bigotry, racism, sexism, classism, ableism, greed, and selfishness so that we can leave it behind.

Keep moving forward, friends. Reach out for love and support if you need it. We can do this. You are not alone.

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Déjà Vu & Synchronicity – The Basics

This subject is a phenomenon that has kind of taken me over. Fair warning, I can go down the rabbit hole quickly with this one! This post is just intended to help provide a general understanding of the subject. I’ll aim to cover more in depth later on.

I’ve been experiencing synchronicity to an increasing degree for a year or two now, and have been eagerly researching it ever since. Déjà vu is the more familiar aspect of this phenomenon, but it’s in the same family as synchronicity. I think of déjà vu as step one. Synchronicity is step 2 and once it starts, if you pay attention to it and don’t dismiss it, it will never really go away. It’s also a great way to stay in tune with your own life plan, and receive ongoing guidance from your Higher Self and your Guides. Step 3 would involve things like a strengthening intuition, clairvoyance, telepathy, etc.

Déjà Vu

Déjà vu is a French term describing the feeling that one has lived through the present situation before. Déjà vu is a feeling of familiarity and déjà vécu (the feeling of having “already lived through” something) is a feeling of recollection.

– Wikipedia

What is going on when déjà vu happens? 

There are a lot of ideas. Your Higher Self may be contacting you, telling you you’re on the right path and attempting to trigger a spiritual awakening in you.

It could be an echo reflecting our Soul plan. We plot out our goals for our life before we incarnate, so you could be remembering aspects of this journey from that time before your life began. Your Higher Self has this knowledge readily at hand, always.

It could also be a sign of clairvoyance, a remembered dream of future events, or even a briefly-surfacing memory of a past life.

Basically, it’s a great thing! When this happens to you, tune into it. Listen to your feelings rather than your thoughts. Your emotions and intuition are what link you to your Higher Self and Guides, NOT your thoughts (those are driven by the mind/Ego/personality). Trust your “gut” and let go of your inner skeptic. What is there really to lose?

If these signs are ignored, there’s no real harm done. But you’re choosing to miss out on something wondrous that can only add joy and contentment to your existence. Why limit yourself when you have the option to expand your happiness and your awareness of our world? If you choose to ignore, this signals that you aren’t yet ready to “go there”, but you will absolutely have the chance to make a different choice later.

Synchronicity

This is a term that came into popular use by Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung.

Synchronicity refers to the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

– English Oxford Dictionary

Synchronicity is something that will add a persistent, “well that’s weird” to your days. I liken it to being made aware of a glitch in the matrix. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’ll see repeating number patterns on clocks, dashboards, license plates, billboards, computer screens, etc. You’ll also have ideas, names, places, topics, etc. showing up repeatedly around you, from various sources.

Numerical Synchronicity

Simply put, this means seeing repeating numbers or number patterns (also known as Angel Numbers) in what feel like intentional and persistent ways. Some powerful Angel Numbers are: 1111, 222, 333, 555, 1212, 1001, 911, etc. A quick Google search of any number pattern + “meaning” or “angel number” will provide you with possible answers.

When you begin experiencing this, certain numbers will keep showing up in the strangest places: the clock in your car, the time readout on your work computer, the exercise bike at the gym, the sign you see as you’re pulling into the grocery store. It will be all around you, big and small, and will feel like something you should notice, rather than a fluke.

When this first started happening to me, it was only a couple of times a day. As time passed and I started to pay more attention, looking up what certain numbers meant, it increased more and more. It got to the point where I wondered if I was somehow making myself subconsciously look for the patterns. So, I stopped “trying” to see them. I stopped looking at clocks so dang often.

And you know what happened? I started to see them more! At this point, I can’t even count the number of numerical synchronicities I see in a day. Obviously, it happens more on days I’m around screens and civilization rather than hiking in the woods without my phone.

I find the numerical version of this phenomenon comforting. It feels like I’m surrounded by reassurances, and reminders that I’m never alone, that I’m loved and supported in ways I can’t even fathom.

Event Synchronicity

Rather that numbers, this is when other things repeat in your awareness. It could be anything like songs, names, places, topics of conversation, etc. Somehow, this phenomenon can feel more startling and stranger than the numerical version. The skeptical part of your brain can kind of explain seeing repeating numbers, but there is no logical explanation for when anything else keeps repeating around you.

A couple examples from my very recent experience:

My husband and I were working in the garden outside our house and the topic of the Brady Bunch randomly came up in conversation. Right at that moment, our daughter came out to join us and was in the middle of singing the Brady Bunch theme song, telling us, “I can’t get this song out of my head!” All of the windows/doors had been closed (we’re shameless A/C addicts), so there’s no way she could have overheard us, and we don’t exactly constantly discuss the Brady Bunch!

Just the other day, hubby and I were discussing news about someone in our lives via Google Chat—let’s call them “Gideon”. I’m also a shameless advice column addict, so I’d opened a new browser tab with a link to a new column to read right before hubby’s chat message popped up. As I finished replying to hubby, I switched tabs and saw the advice column was about someone named “Gideon”.

Taken alone, these may not seem very impactful, but when things like this keep happening multiple times a day, every day, it adds up to a lingering certainty that something is going on in an intentional way. It becomes impossible to ignore. The patterns stand out and everything seems to be tied together in a broader way that we can only barely begin to see.

Why is this happening?

I believe the Universe is alive, that it is the grand Creator spirit of which we are all reflections. It’s where our Soul-stuff comes from and we are always connected to it. It is us and we are It. The physical world is created by this grand spirit to flex its creative muscles and experience life.

Synchronicity is the Universe Itself reaching out to us, as a living Being. When we awaken spiritually, or even just begin to, synchronicity may start to happen. If you pay attention to synchronistic events, welcome them, and strive to understand them rather than brush them off as mere coincidence, the Universe will notice. It will begin to reach out to you more and more as way of opening doors within you to the greater reality most of us are too blind to see. The idea of this is so thrilling—that the Universe itself sees us, understands that we see It too, and then consciously reaches out to connect with us directly on the most personal level.

If you begin to see synchronicities and ignore them, or don’t follow through on where they’re trying to lead you, they will taper off and stop. The Universe will see you aren’t ready, and will wait to try again either in this life or future lives.

If you want to tune into your synchronicities, I urge you to do more research on the subject. Pay attention to what the synchronicities are, and WHEN they happen. What specifically were you thinking about or doing at the time? They might be messages to encourage you to follow down the path you’re on, or to trust in the idea you’re considering in that moment. It can also be helpful to meditate/pray and open your heart to those guiding you. The more you ask for signs, the more you will receive.

Fun bonus: Synchronicity can be contagious! If this phenomenon latches hold of you, those who you love most may also start experiencing it too. Shortly after I started experiencing them, my husband and daughter started to experience them as well.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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6 Ways to Conquer Fear

Disclaimer: This applies to everything on this blog, but especially this post. These are my personal strategies and opinions. Take or leave as you wish. 

Fear comes from Ego, aka the mind. It’s not real. Knowing it’s not real doesn’t always help at all, because it feels real to us, and that’s enough. We must always feel our emotions as they occur—it’s the best way to get past them and keep moving forward—but we must also strive to release them rather than cling. It is a choice we make, whether to hold on or to let go. Give yourself permission to let go. Do yourself that kindness. You deserve it! So, feel your fear, but then try to understand it. Using rationality will set you on the right path to overcoming fear’s mental projections.

1. Realize Nothing Can Hurt You

This is just a single life of many that we’ve experienced. When we die, we will return to our true home, surrounded by an ecstatic love and peace, where we exist as immortal energy beings connected to the Source that we originated from.

I tend to think of life on Earth like a cosmic video game with really awesome graphics, but a tragic lack of a save or pause feature. Right now, we’re in the game. We’re on a mission, determined by our Soul contract. When we die, we’ll return to our home, surrounded by love and our soul group, immersed in happiness and peace beyond imagining. There are not words big enough for this feeling, or how glorious it is.

Therefore, it’s not actually a tragedy to die. We’re better off on the other side than we are on Earth, in countless ways. The school of Earth for Souls is a game set to ‘difficult mode’. When we get to leave, it’s a relief. We get to be done, and to rest.

So, if death isn’t the end, what about the pain of dying? Studying NDEs will show you that when close to death, our Souls can leave the body before it happens. We jump out to avoid the pain we sense coming. We’re still tethered to the body at that point, so we can’t roam far, but we’re spared the pain itself.

And pain that doesn’t result in dying? Yes, we do feel that, but all experiences are a direct result of karma. You may be atoning for negative karma accumulated in this life or past lives. There is no escaping karma. Fighting your karma actually will generate more negative karma. If you experience pain, let it come and let it go. Look for the lesson behind it. I promise you, it’s there, trying to show you something. If you figure out the lesson, you will graduate to the next one and leave the pain behind. Of course, no one wants to be in pain, but we don’t come to Earth to be coddled and shielded. We chose to experience this difficult world in order to evolve and grow. You wouldn’t have signed up for the ‘game’ if you didn’t want to play.

2. Exorcise Your Demons

We incarnate to learn specific lessons. In other words, we are here to exorcise our own demons. The parts of us that need healing are in the spotlight. We’re made to face our flaws head-on, over and over again. There are patterns to it. We circle around these flaws in spiraling ways, the lessons growing more intense and daunting the more we fail to learn them. Eventually, we are all pushed hard enough to the center that we simply can’t avoid learning from our mistakes any longer.

So, identify your demons. Look right at your flaws, and forgive yourself for them. Love yourself for your whole being—flaws and all. See the reasons why you behaved the way you did, and then make different choices toward healthier directions. We always have a choice. You can love yourself to a healthier state. Love ALWAYS conquers fear. Believe in your abilities. Forgive mistakes. Move forward with strength.

3. Focus on You

If your fear involves other people—as in their emotional response or behavior—know that you are not responsible for anyone but yourself. You are not responsible for managing anyone’s feelings or actions. The expression about securing your own oxygen mask before helping others applies in all situations. Do what you need to do for YOU, and then go from there.

4. Let Fate Be Your Driver

I’m a strong believer in fate, and that we’re all here to fulfill Soul contracts, with specific goals for our personal growth and/or ways we can contribute to the greater good. By believing this, it allows us to sit back and take a more relaxed approach to life and its challenges. If something in our path is meant for us, know that we have the needed tools to face it hard-wired into who we are. If something isn’t meant for us, we will manage to avoid it.

One bonus is that if you DO manage to avoid an obstacle you’re dreading, and you ARE meant to face it eventually, it will absolutely come around to you again for another go. Remember, life is a great spiral. Our lessons always repeat until they are properly learned.

5. Facing the Fear

This might seem self-explanatory, but I know first-hand that we all tend to build up our fears in our heads, so that they seem much scarier than they actually are. Sometimes, the only way to get past a fear is to face it head-on and see what we’re really dealing with. It helps us get outside of our imagination and back into what is actual.

I’ve had moments in my life where I had no choice but to face fear. When my brother suddenly passed away from a slip and fall accident, there was a huge part of me that wanted to run from all of the end-of-life things that were happening. I did choose to avoid seeing him face-to-face in the ICU when he’d been declared brain-dead and had a large portion of his skull removed. I was simply too afraid of having that image of him as my final memory. 

I was also afraid of facing things like the wake and the funeral itself. There was a lot of family drama around the whole thing, due to ongoing toxic relationships and unfortunate circumstances with his almost-ex-wife. But I was close to him, and wasn’t at all prepared to say goodbye to a healthy 33-year-old who I loved more than words can say. Was I as afraid then as I’ve ever been? Yes. Did I have to face it anyway? Yes! And you know what? I got through it. I got emotional and nothing made sense for a while, but that experience made me strong in ways I could have never predicted. You won’t know how strong you truly are until you lose someone from your primary circle of loved ones—those you interact with nearly every day. My love for him continues, and I send him love constantly. I’m thankful for the experience, even if it meant losing him in the physical world. I know he’s still with me in the ways that matter. And after losing him, nothing really seems so scary anymore.

There are other times when we can get ahead of fear by taking it on quickly rather than letting it linger and fester in our minds. This happens to me a lot, where my dread of something, like having to call someone I don’t want to talk to, threatens to grow way out of proportion. Forcing myself to make the call and get it over with helps me see, quickly, that my imagination doesn’t always match up to reality. It’s worse in my head than in real life. Only experiencing that fact shows it’s true. You’ve got to just take the plunge to know how deep the water truly is.

6. You Are Not Alone

We are always surrounded by our guides/angels/loved-ones. Always. I’ve never had a moment in my life, no matter how bad things got, where I felt truly alone. It’s not something I can really explain—it’s a feeling. When I was being actively abused, I still felt seen and supported by those not physically present. When I gave in to hopelessness, I was shown the way forward. I KNOW we’re not alone, and I’ve been given evidence it’s true. I’ve had spiritual interventions occur when my doubt in myself got carried away. The key is to keep an open heart. Trust the unexplainable and follow your heart’s intuition. If you reach out to those you love, to your faith in goodness and rightness, you will feel a response. You just have to remain open to it. Just for a moment, let go of fear and grasp hope.

Whether you see this or not, I can promise you that there is not a moment in your long life where you are abandoned. If you need help, all you need to do is ask. This is true of those alive and surrounding you in life, and also of your spiritual support. Humbling ourselves and reaching honestly for love, comfort, and guidance is always met with an answer. It might happen through emotion, or signs, or dreams, or in small miracles. If you need additional strength in order to get past an approaching hurdle—ask. Ask those in your life, and ask through prayer. You will be amazed by the response. 

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The Loving No

It’s our supreme job in this world, these lives, to act with love and compassion. Do no misunderstand that directive and think that means we must be weak and bend to things like fear, anger, guilt, or jealousy. Sometimes, the most loving act we can choose for those in our path is to say, “No.”

When a young child reaches for a hot stove, we tell them, “No!” and block their hand. That is a loving act. We’re able to prevent their injury and to teach them how to make better choices to protect themselves.

When a teenager or young adult falls victim to addiction in the form of smoking or drugs, their parents have the ability to say, “No,” by removing the child’s access to money that enables them to fund their new habit. They might say, “I will fund your schooling, room and board, but no, I will not give you any money for cigarettes or drugs.” This empowers the child to make a better choice. They can either choose to work a job to earn the money to fund their own habit, or they can decide that’s too much effort and use that as motivation to quit.

On the broader, world stage, someone like Donald Trump has been surrounded by money and power his whole life. Those are his addictions. Without them, were is he? What is he? It would be a loving act to remove his tools of manipulation and control in order to give him the opportunity of clarity and self-reflection. Take away his yes-men and means to hide from us as well as himself, so that he can see Truth. By holding him accountable for crimes already committed, karma works to create balance once again—not out of spite or anger, but love.

In my own life, I’ve dealt with manipulation from my parents, who I eventually discovered through much trial and error, are incapable of seeing me as anything more than a tool to gain themselves power and control. They strive endlessly to make me smaller in order to make themselves feel bigger. This reflex is like an addiction to them, and they’ve surrounded themselves with enablers to shield themselves from consequences. My loving, “No,” took the form of removing myself and my family from their grasp, so that they can no longer manipulate us.

There are times, as fallible humans, where we are incapable of making the better choice for ourselves. For one reason or another, the wrong choice is “easier”. We lose ourselves to addiction and fear. It is NOT the loving choice to see someone you love—who is incapable of making the better choice for themselves—and enable them to keep making that choice. By preventing them from feeling the consequences of their own mistakes, you are only helping them incur more negative karma AND incurring negative karma yourself. You are choosing to remain stuck in a spiral of negativity and pain that will only keep increasing its effects until one or all of you are forced to make a healthier choice.

You can choose to spare yourselves and your loved ones this pain. You can choose, right now, to stop helping manipulative people and to instead say a loving NO.

We hurt ourselves out of fear that we’re not good enough, or worth enough. We hurt others for the same reason. The fear causes us to lash out like panicked animals. There is strength in standing firm for the loving choice, and in helping those we love stop metaphorically burning their hand on the stove.

Have a blessed day, friends.