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The Problem with the Aha Moment, or Why We Can Only Save Ourselves

A lot of my aha moments have been clustered together over the past few years. They were all brought on by different types of suffering. These instigators were all things people not only actively avoid, but live in real fear of. What is not widely acknowledged though, especially in our culture of comfort, is that discomfort can breed real wisdom. It’s when we’re truly challenged and thrown way out of our norms that we have the chance to open our eyes. The real trick is to lean into the suffering, allowing yourself to really feel and understand it, rather than dragging it around behind you in an attempt to run away.

The death of my brother taught me many lessons—about death, love, grief, strength, myself, family, friends, our culture, the ties that bind everyone who has experienced true loss, and the beauty in having a real angel by your side. We’re all destined to lose those we love the most. We live in terror of those moments, unavoidable as they are. This fear stems mainly from the false belief that we’re losing them forever. But love bonds eternally. We cannot lose that which is an indelible part of us.

Escaping over three decades of abuse gave me many profound insights about the value of self-love, boundaries, and the misunderstood importance in a loving “no”. Despite what I learned, what I endured was something I’d not wish upon my worst enemy.

My other great teacher has been living in relative isolation—being largely misunderstood or neglected by those closest to me for my whole life. As an INFJ, I’ve always felt like an old soul or a lone wolf. The absence of nurturing in my childhood only perpetuated this feeling. As I’ve aged, I’ve made starkly different choices than those around me—getting married younger than anyone else I know, having kids when I did, being the only person I know to choose to study art, identifying as pansexual long before I discovered there was even a word for it. All of this and more set me on a wildly different path, without anyone ahead of me to show me the way, to give encouragement or advice. My greatest wish has always been to simply have someone to commiserate with. Instead, my insights have always needed to come from within. This has served me well.

My aha moments have taught me invaluable lessons, but have you noticed the pattern in them? Suffering is not something anyone wants to run toward. It’s avoided at all cost. So what is there to do when you’re on the other side of suffering? When you’ve endured it, learned from it, and come out wiser, but bruised?

Do you ask your loved ones to suffer as well, so as to share in your lessons? Wishing them the same pain?

Do you try to use something as small and hollow as words to try and explain your journey? People don’t want to hear about death. They don’t want to hear about child abuse. They don’t want to know what happens when you have no one. The fear of these demons pushes away those you counted on to be there. Human instinct tempts us to put our fingers in our ears and block out painful realities. And even if they do stay, words just don’t cut it. Some things in life just cannot be understood until they are experienced firsthand.

It takes my breath away to know things that I wish I could reveal to others. It’s a tragedy of existence to be shown a truth which expands your heart, mind, and soul, only to be forced to keep it to yourself. Maybe this is something else that is kept secret until you’re standing in its place, but you simply cannot save people from their allotment of suffering. Your words will never be enough to spare them the pain. They need to walk through it themselves. They need to walk their particular path. No one can do it for them.

We are all tasked with saving ourselves. No one else can save you from your troubles. They were given to you for a reason. That reason is so you learn and grow.

But as someone who has faced nightmarish challenges while thinking I’d never get through them, as someone who has experienced profound grief and understood the miracle of it, as someone who looks back on how far I’ve come and been astounded—I can tell you there is so much triumph and peace awaiting you when you get on the other side of it all. Everything—everything—is worth it. Whatever you have to force yourself to face, there will be rewards when you’re done. Fear will be conquered. Your heart will sing. You will be so very grateful.

But no one can tell you how to get there, or what it will really be like as you’re down in the trenches. You’ve got to see it for yourself.

That’s the whole point. We’re each on solo missions, side-by-side. Your mission is unique, because you are unique. Support is there if you need to reach for it, but every one of the steps you must take can only be made by you.

So, hang in there friends. Do what your mind tells you to be afraid to do, and listen to your heart instead. Because the strength of the heart is always greater than the illusory fear of the mind. Have faith.

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Benefits of Making Space in Your Life

We are all creatures of habit. We find routines that suit us and get stuck going around and around in them. We’re also encouraged to fill every waking moment with commitments, and when we do have spare time in which to rest, we spend it staring at screens rather than looking within.

This post is directed solely to the givers of the world. The takers, who enjoy letting others pick up their slack, are excused.

Givers can easily get stretched so thin, they snap. Their self-imposed responsibilities pile up until the mountain crashes down around them. Making space is all about recognizing you’re carrying too much, and deciding to do yourself the favor of setting some things down.

Some things we take on are: relationships (friendly, family, and romantic), jobs, goals, hobbies, missions, and habits. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to stop, scrutinize what you’ve (possibly unwittingly) taken on, and making the effort to recognize what’s making you miserable rather than fulfilling you. Once a cause of misery is identified, take a magnifying glass to whatever excuses justify its existence in your life. Of course, sometimes we need to endure a commitment that satisfies a basic need, even when it makes us miserable. But even in those cases, it’s crucial to be on the lookout for exit ramps. An exit ramp would be an opportunity to divert course in a different, less miserable direction.

Stop wasting your energy on things that don’t serve you. Stop using excuses to prolong unhappiness. Stop filling your moments with empty diversions, noise, and pain. Figure out what’s sucking you dry and detach from it, even just as an experiment.

Make space in your life by letting go of what you no longer need. New, good things can’t enter your life if there isn’t space for them. You’ll never know what you’re missing out on if you don’t allow the chance for change to happen.

Your health benefits greatly when you have space to live and breathe more comfortably, without a mental stockpile of things that “need to be done”. With space, there’s more chance to go out, to move, to relax, and to rediscover what stimulates you. When we stop looking outward, trying to satisfy the expectations of others, we give ourselves permission to look inward instead to better understand who we are, what we really need, and what we most want.

A small thing that is great at beginning to create space is meditation. It provides small amounts of peace and quiet where we can clear mental noise and tune in to our intuition. Deep down, you know what it is you really need, but it’s impossible to hear that voice if the noise from things around you are always drowning it out. A great habit to get into is to meditate for fifteen minutes a day, just to reconnect with yourself and take a time out. The more you get into the practice of stopping to listen and observe your own instincts and emotions, the more aware you’ll be of everything going on around you, and the best way forward.

The toxic people in our lives tend not to like it when we make time for ourselves. The more time you devote to self-care, the less time you’re spending with them. You don’t need anyone’s permission to take care of yourself. No one is ever served by you playing the martyr, killing yourself for the benefit of someone who’s capable of doing more but just chooses not to. There are a lot of people in this world who use those closest to them to sate a need, fill a void, or avoid doing work. Don’t fall for their traps. It’s not beneficial to them or yourself to enable their nonsense. The more loving act is to give them the chance to do their own heavy lifting for a change. They will never progress or find their own happiness until they do.

And sometimes, we keep ourselves busy with things that don’t deserve our time or energy because we’re simply scared or uncomfortable with the idea of venturing into new territory. In these cases, just remember, you’ll never know what you’re missing out on unless you give it a chance. Make space for the impossible, the miraculous, and the wonderful—it’s the only way to invite it into your life.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Proof of the Afterlife

There are four groups of people who agree on what happens when you die:

  • children who remember past lives
  • those who’ve experienced a Near Death Experience (NDE)
  • people who’ve had an out-of-body experience
  • mediums

I’ve had personal experience with 3 out of the 4 things on that list. Of course, anything involving the afterlife requires a measure of faith. It’s not as if you can bring back a souvenir after you visit. Either you’ve had a personal experience to help boost your belief, or you have to take the word of those who have.

The most detailed study of children with past life memories comes from psychiatrist Ian Stevenson at the University of Virginia, with more than 2,500 case studies. This phenomena can be found all over the globe, but is most commonly found in places like India where the culture widely supports the concept of reincarnation. This helps parents feel comfortable to share their experiences with their children, quelling fear of ridicule. There’s someone in my immediate family who spoke both vividly and specifically of memories of war when they were only a few years old. There are several books available that deal with the study of these children and their stories, which I encourage you to read.

An excellent resource for reading personal accounts of near death experiences is the Near-Death Experience Research Foundation, or NDERF.org. They keep browsable archives of individual accounts on their website. What’s most astonishing about these records are the similarities.

My personal experience also agrees with the following qualities of a visit to  the afterlife: 

  • journey through a tunnel or passageway
  • movement toward bright, colorful light that is welcoming and doesn’t hurt the eyes
  • encounter with a loved one
  • experience with telepathic communication
  • encountering a boundary which you can’t cross without officially dying
  • experiencing emotion so powerful it’s impossible to put into words, though suggestions like ecstatic bliss and perfect love may give you an idea

I’ve also studied mediums, and though there are charlatans only interested in feeding on the grief of others to make money, there are convincing mediums to be found. I’ve read, seen, and experienced countless accounts of readings during which unknowable details are conveyed by the deceased to their living loved ones.

Taken individually, all of these subgroups are fascinating in their own right, but the sum total of what they imply is even more wondrous. It’s shocking that it’s not more widely discussed, given all it implies for every single one of us. I strongly encourage my readers to explore these records on their own, but know this:

We come from a loving place that is our true home. While here on Earth, we’re surrounded by the loving support of those on the other side, who never leave our side and will never fail us. Communication with them is not only possible, but likely if you are able to open your heart and mind. And when we die, we’re not ending but passing through a doorway on a journey back to where we belong. We leave fear and the amnesia that comes with physical life behind. No longer are we confined to the narrow space of a body, but can expand our awareness to the size of all of existence if we so choose. We are immortal. We are forever connected to an endless, stunning force of love that never judges but always encourages growth and forward movement. Nothing there is static or boring. The most soothing peace lifts us out of the weight of physical life.

In my opinion, one of the best proofs of the afterlife is your own gut feelings. Read some of the detailed descriptions out there waiting to be found and listen to your own internal reaction to them. Do they feel true? Is there something eerily familiar about them? Do they bring a sense of comfort?

If you stumble over a moment of doubt, dig deeper. I’ve heard people discredit the notion of the afterlife simply because of things like the commonality of the recently deceased to have an encounter with Jesus, Buddha, or other famous religious figures. Deepak Chopra discusses the explanation for this in detail in his book, Life After Death: The Burden of Proof.

As he explains, there is a collective unconscious that we all tap into. It’s why people all over the globe will simultaneously have the same inspired idea. There have been hundreds of occurrences of people applying for patents for an invention at the same time. The same happens with pitches for books or movies, because our ideas are all pulled from the same ether. When a new concept is meant to birth itself into our world, it comes through wherever it can, and not just through a single mind.

When we die, we experience the afterlife we’ve been conditioned to expect by the cultures in which we live. We pull a familiar interpretation of the afterlife from the collective unconscious and experience something accordingly. Despite unfailing similarities like moving towards the light and being met by loved ones, afterlife accounts all tend to have unique styles or flavors. What you find when you cross over is tailored to your current evolutionary state as a soul, your karma, your expectations, and what both you and your guides determine is what is appropriate just for you.

People “meet” Jesus or Buddha during an NDE because part of them expects to. This doesn’t mean they’re actually meeting Jesus and Buddha, but they are meeting a loving higher being who projects that comforting image to welcome them and help ease the transition of their arrival.

I’ve also read an account of a pastor who spent his life intentionally scaring his parishioners with threats of Satan, only to encounter the “devil” himself as he crossed over during an NDE. After the initial rough shock, the pastor’s guide let the gruesome projected image dissolve to reveal himself and the rest of the man’s awaiting loved ones waiting to welcome him. They’d thought he had a good scare coming to him after a lifetime’s obsession with such a negative creature.

No matter what might hold you back or inflame your doubt, as someone who’s both been blessed to bask in the love of the afterlife, and who has endured the passing of someone close to me, give yourself the gift of curiosity. The more you discover, the less fear you’ll carry with you, and the more free you’ll become to simply enjoy living while you’re still here to do it. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything. The feelings it stirred in me, the impact it had on me—they’re indescribable and so much better than your wildest dreams. Though so very hard to capture with things as crude as words, please give these written accounts a read. They just might soothe something in your soul as well.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Trump, Narcissism & Government Corruption – What’s Going On & Why Now

All over our world right now, you will see corruption at work and being exposed in government and really in anyone who’s long been in power. The United States in particular is undergoing what feels like a prolonged, extensive trauma with the 24/7 media cycle spreading the influence of Trump and his enablers. Everywhere I look, I see people feeling anxiety, stress, depression and yearning for escape from the situation in which we find ourselves, politically and culturally.

I feel uniquely qualified to explain some of this, so I’m giving it a shot. I was the scapegoat child a covert malignant narcissist for three and a half decades before permanently ending contact for my own health and sanity. For nearly the entire span of my life, I lived in the same environment in which our entire country finds itself. Trump is also a narcissist (possibly among other things). Narcissists only find comfort in selfishly, cruelly, wielding power and demanding attention.

I strongly recommend the book People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck in trying to understand human evil. The closest thing to evil we will encounter is not Satan or demons but only other humans. When a person’s personality/mind/ego is in direct conflict with its soul and refuses to mesh with its soul, there becomes a disconnect within them. They reject the soul’s loving influence and become totally driven by the fear of the mind. The farther they go down this path, the more minuscule the chance they will be able to change at all during this life.

Narcissists are driven by fear. They crave power over others to boost the ego within that is their driving force, their whole identity. They may have had abusive childhoods, and at some point along the way they did have a choice to fight for themselves or to give in to fear. They chose fear. There is ALWAYS a choice.

The best response to a narcissist is to feel pity and show compassion, as difficult as that may be for us to do. Try to understand that they hate and fear themselves on the deepest levels, that there is absolutely no joy, comfort or contentment in their days. They are incapable of love. They live in a moral darkness from which they will not escape, unless a true miracle occurs. The best response when you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist or with another form of human evil is to disengage. Don’t give them the attention they crave. Refuse to give them power over you. Create space between you and enforce your personal boundaries.

With Trump, who seems inescapable, that means stepping back from the endless news cycle. Ignore him and his circle of enablers as much as you’re able while taking care of YOU in whatever ways you can. Do the best you can with what you’re given. Trump’s choices are his to make and the consequences are his as well. Anything you can’t ignore, any ways his choices directly affect you and the ones you love—take the lesson. Take what you can from it, do your best, keep growing and hold onto hope. You are supported and loved in ways you can’t imagine.

When going through the darkest period of my life, when my hope was lost, I was directly contacted by one of my guides. They showed me all of the love I’d been missing and more. They told me to have faith (I have this message tattooed on the back of my left shoulder as a reminder and tribute). They showed me how the narcissist in my life had been slowly, constantly poisoning me with their influence. Then they showed me how to pull the tendrils of their toxicity out of my being, revealing that the toxicity was solely the narcissist’s—not mine. Without it, I was fine. Whole. Healthy. I held the tendrils of their poison and was encouraged to study it. To understand it.

It was two decades before I truly began to understand this message, but I got it eventually. And I encourage you to learn from it as well. Stop letting others’ toxicity poison you. Look at their behavior and the ways they try to influence you—REALLY look at it—and do your best to understand it with compassion. Find ways to protect yourself, and heal yourself.

Why is this happening now? Why is all of this corruption being exposed at so many levels and in so many places?

Dealing with the narcissist in my life was the biggest lesson I’ve been faced with by far. It’s also the one I’ve learned the most from. It’s made me strong. It’s shown me how important it is to protect myself and care for myself first, above all others. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves—who else will? Boundaries are key. Standing up for what’s right is key. Honesty and connecting through love to all life on earth is what’s most important in building our global community.

This lesson is being enacted worldwide right now. I don’t personally know anyone else who had the childhood I did, and had to deal with what I did. But now everyone, everywhere, is getting a similar lesson in having to deal with Trump. We’re all being encouraged to learn and grow—to awaken—so that we can come together and go from here with love, compassion, hope, and wisdom. We need to learn from this. All of it. And move forward in pursuit of what’s right and good, for the betterment of all mankind.

I’ve seen talk in many places, from many sources, that this all is part of a massive cosmic growth-spurt for our souls. Human life on earth is pushing to evolve to a higher level, vibration or density, where Trump’s form of negativity and low-level energy simply can’t survive. We’re leaving behind those who cling so tightly to fear. We’re having to directly face systemic bigotry, racism, sexism, classism, ableism, greed, and selfishness so that we can leave it behind.

Keep moving forward, friends. Reach out for love and support if you need it. We can do this. You are not alone.

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Déjà Vu & Synchronicity – The Basics

This subject is a phenomenon that has kind of taken me over. Fair warning, I can go down the rabbit hole quickly with this one! This post is just intended to help provide a general understanding of the subject. I’ll aim to cover more in depth later on.

I’ve been experiencing synchronicity to an increasing degree for a year or two now, and have been eagerly researching it ever since. Déjà vu is the more familiar aspect of this phenomenon, but it’s in the same family as synchronicity. I think of déjà vu as step one. Synchronicity is step 2 and once it starts, if you pay attention to it and don’t dismiss it, it will never really go away. It’s also a great way to stay in tune with your own life plan, and receive ongoing guidance from your Higher Self and your Guides. Step 3 would involve things like a strengthening intuition, clairvoyance, telepathy, etc.

Déjà Vu

Déjà vu is a French term describing the feeling that one has lived through the present situation before. Déjà vu is a feeling of familiarity and déjà vécu (the feeling of having “already lived through” something) is a feeling of recollection.

– Wikipedia

What is going on when déjà vu happens? 

There are a lot of ideas. Your Higher Self may be contacting you, telling you you’re on the right path and attempting to trigger a spiritual awakening in you.

It could be an echo reflecting our Soul plan. We plot out our goals for our life before we incarnate, so you could be remembering aspects of this journey from that time before your life began. Your Higher Self has this knowledge readily at hand, always.

It could also be a sign of clairvoyance, a remembered dream of future events, or even a briefly-surfacing memory of a past life.

Basically, it’s a great thing! When this happens to you, tune into it. Listen to your feelings rather than your thoughts. Your emotions and intuition are what link you to your Higher Self and Guides, NOT your thoughts (those are driven by the mind/Ego/personality). Trust your “gut” and let go of your inner skeptic. What is there really to lose?

If these signs are ignored, there’s no real harm done. But you’re choosing to miss out on something wondrous that can only add joy and contentment to your existence. Why limit yourself when you have the option to expand your happiness and your awareness of our world? If you choose to ignore, this signals that you aren’t yet ready to “go there”, but you will absolutely have the chance to make a different choice later.

Synchronicity

This is a term that came into popular use by Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung.

Synchronicity refers to the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

– English Oxford Dictionary

Synchronicity is something that will add a persistent, “well that’s weird” to your days. I liken it to being made aware of a glitch in the matrix. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’ll see repeating number patterns on clocks, dashboards, license plates, billboards, computer screens, etc. You’ll also have ideas, names, places, topics, etc. showing up repeatedly around you, from various sources.

Numerical Synchronicity

Simply put, this means seeing repeating numbers or number patterns (also known as Angel Numbers) in what feel like intentional and persistent ways. Some powerful Angel Numbers are: 1111, 222, 333, 555, 1212, 1001, 911, etc. A quick Google search of any number pattern + “meaning” or “angel number” will provide you with possible answers.

When you begin experiencing this, certain numbers will keep showing up in the strangest places: the clock in your car, the time readout on your work computer, the exercise bike at the gym, the sign you see as you’re pulling into the grocery store. It will be all around you, big and small, and will feel like something you should notice, rather than a fluke.

When this first started happening to me, it was only a couple of times a day. As time passed and I started to pay more attention, looking up what certain numbers meant, it increased more and more. It got to the point where I wondered if I was somehow making myself subconsciously look for the patterns. So, I stopped “trying” to see them. I stopped looking at clocks so dang often.

And you know what happened? I started to see them more! At this point, I can’t even count the number of numerical synchronicities I see in a day. Obviously, it happens more on days I’m around screens and civilization rather than hiking in the woods without my phone.

I find the numerical version of this phenomenon comforting. It feels like I’m surrounded by reassurances, and reminders that I’m never alone, that I’m loved and supported in ways I can’t even fathom.

Event Synchronicity

Rather that numbers, this is when other things repeat in your awareness. It could be anything like songs, names, places, topics of conversation, etc. Somehow, this phenomenon can feel more startling and stranger than the numerical version. The skeptical part of your brain can kind of explain seeing repeating numbers, but there is no logical explanation for when anything else keeps repeating around you.

A couple examples from my very recent experience:

My husband and I were working in the garden outside our house and the topic of the Brady Bunch randomly came up in conversation. Right at that moment, our daughter came out to join us and was in the middle of singing the Brady Bunch theme song, telling us, “I can’t get this song out of my head!” All of the windows/doors had been closed (we’re shameless A/C addicts), so there’s no way she could have overheard us, and we don’t exactly constantly discuss the Brady Bunch!

Just the other day, hubby and I were discussing news about someone in our lives via Google Chat—let’s call them “Gideon”. I’m also a shameless advice column addict, so I’d opened a new browser tab with a link to a new column to read right before hubby’s chat message popped up. As I finished replying to hubby, I switched tabs and saw the advice column was about someone named “Gideon”.

Taken alone, these may not seem very impactful, but when things like this keep happening multiple times a day, every day, it adds up to a lingering certainty that something is going on in an intentional way. It becomes impossible to ignore. The patterns stand out and everything seems to be tied together in a broader way that we can only barely begin to see.

Why is this happening?

I believe the Universe is alive, that it is the grand Creator spirit of which we are all reflections. It’s where our Soul-stuff comes from and we are always connected to it. It is us and we are It. The physical world is created by this grand spirit to flex its creative muscles and experience life.

Synchronicity is the Universe Itself reaching out to us, as a living Being. When we awaken spiritually, or even just begin to, synchronicity may start to happen. If you pay attention to synchronistic events, welcome them, and strive to understand them rather than brush them off as mere coincidence, the Universe will notice. It will begin to reach out to you more and more as way of opening doors within you to the greater reality most of us are too blind to see. The idea of this is so thrilling—that the Universe itself sees us, understands that we see It too, and then consciously reaches out to connect with us directly on the most personal level.

If you begin to see synchronicities and ignore them, or don’t follow through on where they’re trying to lead you, they will taper off and stop. The Universe will see you aren’t ready, and will wait to try again either in this life or future lives.

If you want to tune into your synchronicities, I urge you to do more research on the subject. Pay attention to what the synchronicities are, and WHEN they happen. What specifically were you thinking about or doing at the time? They might be messages to encourage you to follow down the path you’re on, or to trust in the idea you’re considering in that moment. It can also be helpful to meditate/pray and open your heart to those guiding you. The more you ask for signs, the more you will receive.

Fun bonus: Synchronicity can be contagious! If this phenomenon latches hold of you, those who you love most may also start experiencing it too. Shortly after I started experiencing them, my husband and daughter started to experience them as well.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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6 Ways to Conquer Fear

Disclaimer: This applies to everything on this blog, but especially this post. These are my personal strategies and opinions. Take or leave as you wish. 

Fear comes from Ego, aka the mind. It’s not real. Knowing it’s not real doesn’t always help at all, because it feels real to us, and that’s enough. We must always feel our emotions as they occur—it’s the best way to get past them and keep moving forward—but we must also strive to release them rather than cling. It is a choice we make, whether to hold on or to let go. Give yourself permission to let go. Do yourself that kindness. You deserve it! So, feel your fear, but then try to understand it. Using rationality will set you on the right path to overcoming fear’s mental projections.

1. Realize Nothing Can Hurt You

This is just a single life of many that we’ve experienced. When we die, we will return to our true home, surrounded by an ecstatic love and peace, where we exist as immortal energy beings connected to the Source that we originated from.

I tend to think of life on Earth like a cosmic video game with really awesome graphics, but a tragic lack of a save or pause feature. Right now, we’re in the game. We’re on a mission, determined by our Soul contract. When we die, we’ll return to our home, surrounded by love and our soul group, immersed in happiness and peace beyond imagining. There are not words big enough for this feeling, or how glorious it is.

Therefore, it’s not actually a tragedy to die. We’re better off on the other side than we are on Earth, in countless ways. The school of Earth for Souls is a game set to ‘difficult mode’. When we get to leave, it’s a relief. We get to be done, and to rest.

So, if death isn’t the end, what about the pain of dying? Studying NDEs will show you that when close to death, our Souls can leave the body before it happens. We jump out to avoid the pain we sense coming. We’re still tethered to the body at that point, so we can’t roam far, but we’re spared the pain itself.

And pain that doesn’t result in dying? Yes, we do feel that, but all experiences are a direct result of karma. You may be atoning for negative karma accumulated in this life or past lives. There is no escaping karma. Fighting your karma actually will generate more negative karma. If you experience pain, let it come and let it go. Look for the lesson behind it. I promise you, it’s there, trying to show you something. If you figure out the lesson, you will graduate to the next one and leave the pain behind. Of course, no one wants to be in pain, but we don’t come to Earth to be coddled and shielded. We chose to experience this difficult world in order to evolve and grow. You wouldn’t have signed up for the ‘game’ if you didn’t want to play.

2. Exorcise Your Demons

We incarnate to learn specific lessons. In other words, we are here to exorcise our own demons. The parts of us that need healing are in the spotlight. We’re made to face our flaws head-on, over and over again. There are patterns to it. We circle around these flaws in spiraling ways, the lessons growing more intense and daunting the more we fail to learn them. Eventually, we are all pushed hard enough to the center that we simply can’t avoid learning from our mistakes any longer.

So, identify your demons. Look right at your flaws, and forgive yourself for them. Love yourself for your whole being—flaws and all. See the reasons why you behaved the way you did, and then make different choices toward healthier directions. We always have a choice. You can love yourself to a healthier state. Love ALWAYS conquers fear. Believe in your abilities. Forgive mistakes. Move forward with strength.

3. Focus on You

If your fear involves other people—as in their emotional response or behavior—know that you are not responsible for anyone but yourself. You are not responsible for managing anyone’s feelings or actions. The expression about securing your own oxygen mask before helping others applies in all situations. Do what you need to do for YOU, and then go from there.

4. Let Fate Be Your Driver

I’m a strong believer in fate, and that we’re all here to fulfill Soul contracts, with specific goals for our personal growth and/or ways we can contribute to the greater good. By believing this, it allows us to sit back and take a more relaxed approach to life and its challenges. If something in our path is meant for us, know that we have the needed tools to face it hard-wired into who we are. If something isn’t meant for us, we will manage to avoid it.

One bonus is that if you DO manage to avoid an obstacle you’re dreading, and you ARE meant to face it eventually, it will absolutely come around to you again for another go. Remember, life is a great spiral. Our lessons always repeat until they are properly learned.

5. Facing the Fear

This might seem self-explanatory, but I know first-hand that we all tend to build up our fears in our heads, so that they seem much scarier than they actually are. Sometimes, the only way to get past a fear is to face it head-on and see what we’re really dealing with. It helps us get outside of our imagination and back into what is actual.

I’ve had moments in my life where I had no choice but to face fear. When my brother suddenly passed away from a slip and fall accident, there was a huge part of me that wanted to run from all of the end-of-life things that were happening. I did choose to avoid seeing him face-to-face in the ICU when he’d been declared brain-dead and had a large portion of his skull removed. I was simply too afraid of having that image of him as my final memory. 

I was also afraid of facing things like the wake and the funeral itself. There was a lot of family drama around the whole thing, due to ongoing toxic relationships and unfortunate circumstances with his almost-ex-wife. But I was close to him, and wasn’t at all prepared to say goodbye to a healthy 33-year-old who I loved more than words can say. Was I as afraid then as I’ve ever been? Yes. Did I have to face it anyway? Yes! And you know what? I got through it. I got emotional and nothing made sense for a while, but that experience made me strong in ways I could have never predicted. You won’t know how strong you truly are until you lose someone from your primary circle of loved ones—those you interact with nearly every day. My love for him continues, and I send him love constantly. I’m thankful for the experience, even if it meant losing him in the physical world. I know he’s still with me in the ways that matter. And after losing him, nothing really seems so scary anymore.

There are other times when we can get ahead of fear by taking it on quickly rather than letting it linger and fester in our minds. This happens to me a lot, where my dread of something, like having to call someone I don’t want to talk to, threatens to grow way out of proportion. Forcing myself to make the call and get it over with helps me see, quickly, that my imagination doesn’t always match up to reality. It’s worse in my head than in real life. Only experiencing that fact shows it’s true. You’ve got to just take the plunge to know how deep the water truly is.

6. You Are Not Alone

We are always surrounded by our guides/angels/loved-ones. Always. I’ve never had a moment in my life, no matter how bad things got, where I felt truly alone. It’s not something I can really explain—it’s a feeling. When I was being actively abused, I still felt seen and supported by those not physically present. When I gave in to hopelessness, I was shown the way forward. I KNOW we’re not alone, and I’ve been given evidence it’s true. I’ve had spiritual interventions occur when my doubt in myself got carried away. The key is to keep an open heart. Trust the unexplainable and follow your heart’s intuition. If you reach out to those you love, to your faith in goodness and rightness, you will feel a response. You just have to remain open to it. Just for a moment, let go of fear and grasp hope.

Whether you see this or not, I can promise you that there is not a moment in your long life where you are abandoned. If you need help, all you need to do is ask. This is true of those alive and surrounding you in life, and also of your spiritual support. Humbling ourselves and reaching honestly for love, comfort, and guidance is always met with an answer. It might happen through emotion, or signs, or dreams, or in small miracles. If you need additional strength in order to get past an approaching hurdle—ask. Ask those in your life, and ask through prayer. You will be amazed by the response. 

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The Loving No

It’s our supreme job in this world, these lives, to act with love and compassion. Do no misunderstand that directive and think that means we must be weak and bend to things like fear, anger, guilt, or jealousy. Sometimes, the most loving act we can choose for those in our path is to say, “No.”

When a young child reaches for a hot stove, we tell them, “No!” and block their hand. That is a loving act. We’re able to prevent their injury and to teach them how to make better choices to protect themselves.

When a teenager or young adult falls victim to addiction in the form of smoking or drugs, their parents have the ability to say, “No,” by removing the child’s access to money that enables them to fund their new habit. They might say, “I will fund your schooling, room and board, but no, I will not give you any money for cigarettes or drugs.” This empowers the child to make a better choice. They can either choose to work a job to earn the money to fund their own habit, or they can decide that’s too much effort and use that as motivation to quit.

On the broader, world stage, someone like Donald Trump has been surrounded by money and power his whole life. Those are his addictions. Without them, were is he? What is he? It would be a loving act to remove his tools of manipulation and control in order to give him the opportunity of clarity and self-reflection. Take away his yes-men and means to hide from us as well as himself, so that he can see Truth. By holding him accountable for crimes already committed, karma works to create balance once again—not out of spite or anger, but love.

In my own life, I’ve dealt with manipulation from my parents, who I eventually discovered through much trial and error, are incapable of seeing me as anything more than a tool to gain themselves power and control. They strive endlessly to make me smaller in order to make themselves feel bigger. This reflex is like an addiction to them, and they’ve surrounded themselves with enablers to shield themselves from consequences. My loving, “No,” took the form of removing myself and my family from their grasp, so that they can no longer manipulate us.

There are times, as fallible humans, where we are incapable of making the better choice for ourselves. For one reason or another, the wrong choice is “easier”. We lose ourselves to addiction and fear. It is NOT the loving choice to see someone you love—who is incapable of making the better choice for themselves—and enable them to keep making that choice. By preventing them from feeling the consequences of their own mistakes, you are only helping them incur more negative karma AND incurring negative karma yourself. You are choosing to remain stuck in a spiral of negativity and pain that will only keep increasing its effects until one or all of you are forced to make a healthier choice.

You can choose to spare yourselves and your loved ones this pain. You can choose, right now, to stop helping manipulative people and to instead say a loving NO.

We hurt ourselves out of fear that we’re not good enough, or worth enough. We hurt others for the same reason. The fear causes us to lash out like panicked animals. There is strength in standing firm for the loving choice, and in helping those we love stop metaphorically burning their hand on the stove.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Fractals & Coping with Periods of Great Stress

I had a really fascinating thing happen last night while dreaming. I felt myself waking from deeper levels of sleep, and I kept repeating a phrase to myself, as if in order to remember it later. The phrase was ‘fractal mapping’, but applied in a certain context.

This is what the Fractal Foundation has to say about Fractals:

“A fractal is a never-ending pattern. Fractals are infinitely complex patterns that are self-similar across different scales. They are created by repeating a simple process over and over in an ongoing feedback loop. Driven by recursion, fractals are images of dynamic systems – the pictures of Chaos.”

Some examples of fractals are sea shells, snowflakes, lightning, ferns, broccoli, peacocks, pineapples, crystals, mountain ranges, trees and leaves, shorelines, rivers, sea urchins, and sea stars.

What about Fractal Mapping? What is it? How does it apply to our world? 

“It is the underlying fractal structure of geographic features, either natural or human-made, that make reality mappable, large-scale maps generalizable, and cities imageable. The fractal nature is also what underlies the beauty of maps.” – Bin Jiang, Cornell University Library

Distilled into plain language then, fractals are repeating patterns—simple and complex at the same time. They are something relatively simple, repeated over and over and over again, to create a larger pattern. When you closely observe the pattern, you can discover its building block at the heart of the chaos.

When seen in physical states in nature, fractals are indeed beautiful. I’ve always loved to see how elements of our world can be built in these ways that are perfectly orderly and pleasing to the eye at the same time. And the end result takes an endless variety of shapes and form.

But what about how fractals can apply to non-physical reality?

In my dream, I knew fractal mapping could be applied to how we approach stressful times in our lives. We have all experienced moments of profound stress, when we feel overwhelmed by everything we’re expected to cope with at once. The key to enduring these moments, according to this dream, was to apply fractal mapping to understand the basic building blocks of our unique manifestation of stress—the single leaf of the fern, or the single segment of the sea shell. Take the smallest part of your cause of stress. Distill it down to its most basic components.

It is possible. Patterns appear in our lives as well as in nature. We repeat the same behaviors ourselves. We get stuck in the same cause and effect loops until we learn from our mistakes and correct them. For example, if we are enabling someone else’s poor behavior, cleaning up their messes so that they don’t have to, we will get suck doing so over and over again until the exhaustion overcomes us. Our frustration with the situation builds and builds until our discomfort—the effect of our choice to enable—reaches a breaking point.

Now, it’s your job to figure out what specific choice you are making that’s building your fractal pattern of stress. When you take it all apart, what’s repeating?

Take that thing. That small thing. Find a way to change THAT. Discover a way to make a different behavioral choice to help yourself escape your fractal pattern of stress.

You can ease your monstrous stress load by using fractal mapping to understand the nature of YOUR reality.

As I came out of my dream, lifting up to more shallow levels of sleep, I kept repeating the phrase fractal mapping to myself, over and over—another fractal—in order to remember it. I honestly knew nothing about fractals until this morning, when I did research upon awakening. This can be a tool to help yourself. To HEAL yourself. You can conquer your self-made mountains. You can break them down to their smallest parts. Understand the pebble and the whole mountain will crumble.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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Ego vs Soul

It’s always said good versus evil is the ultimate conflict in our world. This isn’t true. ‘Good’ and ‘evil’ as presented by organizations like the Catholic church do not exist. They’re warped shades of the truth, build to conjure fear and exert power over the masses. In reality, there is only the Source of all creation, and everything separated from it. The Source is Love and connection contrasted by that which is selfish and disconnected. In other words, the real ultimate conflict is Ego versus Soul.

By Ego, I don’t mean the traditional definition of the word, but the personality our minds construct during our lives in order to identity and separate ourselves from everyone else. It’s the way we tell ourselves we are unique and special, in ways no one else will understand. The personality is tied to our physical bodies, wired into the mind. The personality is driven by fear, above all else. It tells us to be afraid of others’ success, to do anything in our power to rise above others and establish ourselves as better than. It whispers to us that life is a competition, and we are losing.

But the personality—the Ego—isn’t real. It doesn’t exist beyond our bodies or beyond this life. When we die, we leave the personality behind. It’s the Soul that is eternal and continues on.

Knowing this, the Ego fights the Soul instinctively, for supremacy. It does its best to scare us into compliance, so that we will scramble for power outside of ourselves to prove its worth. It makes us believe that material possessions—houses, cars, clothes, jewelry—are what determine our value. That power comes from things and accomplishments, job titles and awards. But I invite you to really look at those in our world right now who do have money—as much of it as anyone could dream. Do they seem happy to you? Content in their lives? Or do a great many of them they seem afraid? Paranoid even? Miserable?

That’s because sometimes we don’t understand something until we have it sitting in our hands, to experience up close and personal. Those people have what so many never will, and yet… it’s not enough. There is no salvation in money. No peace or true joy.

Ego is also responsible for our thoughts. The voices in our minds that obsess over past and future, worrying over what has already happened, or what might be. It fills our awareness with noise so that it feels more real and in control of us.

These are the types of lies the Ego is built on. It is afraid because it is by nature impermanent, and cowers in the face of imminent, inescapable destruction. The Narcissists in our lives are Ego-driven. They are the closest to our understanding of ‘evil’ that we will ever find.

Soul is our connection to the Source. It is pure, powerful Love, bonding us in unbreakable ways to every living force in our reality and beyond. Soul is immortal. It’s also quiet in its power, whereas Ego is loud. The thought-noise in our minds generated by Ego tends to cover over the peace of the Soul waiting for us beneath. It’s necessary to go inward to connect with our Souls in order to silence the noise of thought created by Ego. Through things like meditation and in-depth self-scrutiny, we can clear away the chatter in our own heads, letting the Soul’s steady peace rise to the surface.

Our Souls are the source of all true power, originating from the Source. What this means is that everything we would ever need is already within us, accessible and ready to be discovered. All of the needs you’re trying to fill through things like money, fame, or accomplishment can be better satisfied through understanding ourselves better. Once you’ve begun to truly love yourself as you are naturally, the need for attention or physical proof of your worth disappears.

And you should love yourself. Our Souls are each perfect and unique ‘as is’. Is there room for growth? Absolutely! That’s why we’re here on Earth—to heal the parts of ourselves our Souls have decided to focus on, on this part of our journey. But you were born with all of the tools required to complete this task. You have the talents and interests specially designed to steer you toward the pre-set life goals in your Soul contract. Fate will set you on the right path and keep you moving in spiraling patterns around key issues. By taking a broad view of your life thus far, you will notice patterns. Pay close attention to them! These are your unique lessons. They will keep appearing in your life over and over again until you resolve them.

You may ask how to solve these patterns—especially since we tend to get stuck in them for a while. The answer is simple. Intuition. Gut feelings are the voice of our Soul directing us to where we should go. They’re subtle, and we have the ability to ignore them, so you must pay attention to your inner guidance in order to both hear and understand what’s being conveyed.

We are not incarnated with the full force of our Soul. We only take a small part into our Earthly bodies for the duration of our lives. The remainder of our Soul stays behind in our true home, anchoring us there. Our Souls are too powerful energetically for our physical bodies to survive more than a small portion of them. The small part that we do incarnate with is a portion we’ve chosen to heal through our lessons on Earth. We also bring with us gifts to use to contribute to the greater well-being of this world.

I promise you that if you work at distinguishing what impulses are coming from your Ego, and which come from your Soul, it will go far toward resolving the main trouble spots in your life. Stop trying to prove yourself to be right, or better than, or more than others. Just recognize the beauty to be found in each of us, and how astonishing the real you—your Soul—is. You are powerful. You are intentional. You are exactly who you were meant to be, without having to work at it at all. Nothing about you is a mistake. Nothing can truly hurt you, because your Soul is eternal. It is loved more than you can know, and always will be. Your only enemy is your own Ego. I encourage you to face it, and see what miracles can be discovered by simple self-understanding.

Have a blessed day, friends.

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What is the meaning of life?

I’m one of those people who always wants to discuss life’s biggest questions – like ‘What is the meaning of life?’ – rather than engage in small talk, but I’ve had trouble finding others like myself. I started this blog to create a space where those questions might be asked, and begin to be answered, in a way that opens the conversation for further consideration rather than giving anything like cut and dried answers. You’re free to disagree with anything and everything I say. We all go through life deciding what feels true and what does not. Keep what works and leave the rest.

Right now, in August of 2018 in my corner of the United States of America, there is a lot of upheaval – politically, environmentally, energetically, socially, etc. It’s a situation that causes stress. I’ve found that answering some of the bigger questions about what we’re all doing here, what our true purpose is, helps to establish a foundation of comfort, strength and peace whenever the news stirs up anxiety. We all need more ways to tap into the deeper truths about our existence in this place to help us endure our hardships with grace and hope.

What are your big questions? The REALLY big ones? The ones you carry like an ember burning in the depths of your heart, sometimes causing pain, other times shining a light? I urge you to pose them either here in the comments on in your life, to someone you care about. Get them out in the open.

After suffering the profound loss of my entire biological family – through both death and estrangement from seemingly endless cycles of abuse – I was unable to NOT dig for answers to my own big questions. Grief creates a wide space, which we can either try to fill with things like alcohol or drugs, or with pure-hearted effort to figure out what the hell is really going on. I did not find the support I wished for when I lost those I love. Unfortunately, I think this is more common than not. It’s hard to face the finality of death. To love someone with your whole heart, to have them woven into your life and then feel them ripped away. It’s a scary enough prospect that friends, family, everyone can get driven away. We don’t want to have to face the tough stuff, as much as it’s good for us to do so.

What’s the meaning of life? From where I stand, it’s to learn. To grow. To exorcise our own demons through trial and error. We see a goal, strive for it, and fall flat on our face. Or we reach it but find it’s too much for us to handle, and not as wonderful as it seemed from afar. No matter the outcome of our striving, it’s the act itself, the effort, that means the most. We are here to do our best, every moment of every day. Just that. Do not feel like you are a failure unless you meet some arbitrary series of goals. Do not assume that success in life is an amount of money in the bank, or a certain number of friends, or the size of your house. Allow yourself the kindness of stopping all comparisons with those around you. You are yourself, and that is a beautiful, complete truth. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. Every aspect of your being, your body, your personality, your dreams, are intentional. You are who you are so that you will face the lessons specifically set out for you by the Universe. All you need to do is take the ride of life and let things come as they may. THAT’S IT.

You are allowed to mess up. We tend to learn the most when we do, actually. We find the most contentment when we embrace exactly who we are – warts and all – and go from there. We come equipped with everything we need in this life, right inside us. The love or power we tend to seek outside of ourselves can always be instantly found within. Love yourself with all of the energy you expend yearning for shining dreams, and you will be better off than you were. Stop trying to attain power from external places, and seek it in your soul. The more we go out into the world looking, searching, scrambling for the answer, the more we realize it was inside us all along.

It is a real tragedy that our society does not create space for us to be steered inward, learning about spirituality and listening to our intuition. There is so much noise around us all the time, so many screens and voices clamoring for attention, that we never stop to hear our own inner voices.

But, they are there. Please, experiment. Find quiet. Listen. Breathe. Meditate. Clear your mind. Ask a few big questions. There will be answers. You will feel guidance steering you to your purpose, and were exactly you are meant to be. Tune out the noise outside of you and just… listen.

You are here for a purpose. Look for it. Feel for it. Your soul wants you to realize it, so stop working against yourself and just let it come in its own time. It will get here faster the less you fight it or fear it. Ignore the distracting noise, and the false promise of money, attention, or external power. Those things will never be your answer.

There’s a lot of pain when we have to let things go, but lean into it. Let it wash through you and leave again. Feel the space the loss leaves in its wake. Use it to heal and grow.

I’ve been searching for places to find respite and calm. I want this blog to be that kind of place for anyone who needs it, so please join me in conversation. If you want to share your questions below, please do. You’re not alone and you are loved – much more than you know.

Have a blessed day.